Chapter 25 #3
“Because if I’m going to huddle up to you for warmth without soaking your t-shirt, I need to unzip the coat.
I figured you’d be more comfortable with me hugging your back than planting myself in your lap.
” He also won’t have a full view of my bra that way.
Not that I really care about that—I’ve done too many quick changes to be fussy about modesty—but Austin was obviously concerned with giving me privacy to change into his jacket, and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.
Attaching myself to him like a barnacle until the rain stops is going to be awkward enough.
The last thing either of us needs is for him to have some kind of existential crisis over accidentally glimpsing my boobs.
Austin clears his throat. “Oh. Right then. I’ll just…” He scoots around so that his right leg is half tucked beneath him, his left sticking out to the side. It’s not ideal, but there’s no space between the bench and the wall, so it will have to do.
The rain almost muffles the sound of me unzipping the coat, yet you’d think it was loud enough to compete with the thunder, given the way we both react to it.
“Ready?” I ask, stepping closer.
The muscles in his broad back are tense, but he takes a breath, relaxing with his next exhale. “Go for it.”
Lightly resting my hands on his shoulders for balance, I lift my right leg, then extend it, squeezing it between Austin’s side and the back of the bench.
Next, I plonk my butt down and assess the small gap still between us.
Holding the coat open wider, I use the leverage of my left foot on the ground to scoot myself forward until my thighs rest on either side of Austin’s hips.
It’s a good job there are no paparazzi following me around these days because the last thing I need is anyone getting photographs of this bullshit—graceful it is not.
Positioned as best I can be, I pull the edges of the coat forward and loop my arms around Austin from behind so the cold air can’t get between us.
I rest my head on his back. He’s warm, even though it’s freezing, and I battle the urge to sigh at the contact.
We sit in silence until I can’t stand it any longer. “Bowman’s seems like it’s been doing well since the reopening. Are you happy?”
“Yeah.” He hesitates, then adds. “We’ve been doing even better than I anticipated, and it’s all going well.”
“But?”
“Nothing, really. I should be happy—I am happy—but I thought I’d feel more… fulfilled? I’ve been working towards this for so long, but now that it’s here, I still feel like I’m missing something.” He gives a self-deprecating chuckle. “God, I sound ungrateful, don’t I?”
I’m already shaking my head in disagreement before replying, “Not at all.” Guilt sits heavy in my stomach.
Austin’s opening up to me—more than I ever thought he would—and I’m still hiding almost everything about my life.
Maybe… maybe I can find a way to offer him something real without giving everything away.
I wet my lips, choosing my words carefully. “You’re not being ungrateful. We haven’t known each other that long, but even I can see how much work you’ve put into Bowman’s—everyone talks about how much you love the place.”
Pausing, I choose my next words carefully while looking out at the dark sky.
I don’t usually spend much time out in nature but, even soaked through caught in the middle of a storm, there’s something soothing about being reminded how small I am compared to all of it.
“I think that when we reach for something for a long time, it can be hard to know what to do once it’s finally in our hands.
Dreams don’t always look the way we imagined once they become reality. ”
“You sound like you’re speaking from experience.” Austin’s curiosity is etched into every word.
“Yeah. I know what it’s like to have everything you want and still feel empty. It’s why I came here. I needed space to figure out what would really make me happy.”
He swallows thickly. “Have you? Figured it out, I mean?”
“I think so. Before coming here, I didn’t have many friends—not real ones, anyway. Liam and Bailey were all I had. All my other relationships were very surface level. I was lonely.”
“And now?”
After a steady exhale, a soft smile takes over my face. “Now I feel… at peace. My life here is better than anything I had the capacity to dream of.” Even if I am lying to everyone around me.
Maybe it makes me a bad person, but I know that no matter what happens when I eventually tell people the truth about who I am, I won’t regret the deception.
Spending time living like everyone else and the freedom that comes with that has brought me back to life.
I was an empty shell when I arrived, but thanks to my time here, I’m a better, healthier version of myself now.
That won’t change even if I’m no longer welcome in Pine Grove after my secret is out.
“I have a whole circle of friends now. Having coffee with the girls on Mondays is the highlight of my week—I never thought I’d get to be part of a group like that.”
“You have me too,” he replies softly, covering my hands with his where they rest against his stomach.
“Do I?”
He shifts to look at me over his shoulder. “Yes, if you want me. I think you’ve had me since you crashed into my bar—it just took me a while to catch on and stop being stubborn about it.”
“Because you thought I’d disappear at the end of the summer?”
He smiles sheepishly. “That and being your boss. Knowing that you don’t need your job at Bowman’s makes me feel a lot better about the whole situation.”
“What situation would that be?” I ask, blinking my eyes with faux innocence.
“Don’t be cute.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
Shaking his head, he turns around to face me properly, carefully capturing the sides of the coat and holding them together to keep me covered without letting his gaze stray from mine even once. “This thing between us, whatever it is. At first, I thought it was just chemistry.”
“And now?” I ask, genuinely curious.
“Now I know you better, and I like the person I’ve come to know. A lot.”
“You know some people—mostly Mei—thought this was a date,” I say, circling a hand to indicate both us and our surroundings.
“Did you?”
Taking a deep breath, I decide to be brave. “I wasn’t sure, but I hoped it was.”
At my admission, his lips tilt up at the corners.
“Trust me, Trouble, when I take you on a date you’ll know.
” Austin scoops up my hands from where they rest between us, easily engulfing them in his.
“On that note—would you like to have dinner with me?” he asks with calm confidence, as unshakable as the hills surrounding us, as though he already knows my answer will be yes. It’s incredibly hot.
“I’d like that. At Bowman’s?”
He barks a laugh. “God, no. Give me some credit.”
“Quill and Dagger then?”
“No. I’m taking you to a proper restaurant.”
“You know I don’t care about fancy, right?”
Austin shrugs. “It’s not about that. Taking you somewhere special is one of many ways I plan to show you how much you mean to me. Besides, do you really want to spend our first date surrounded by our coworkers and my mother, or my nosy friend?”
I hadn’t thought of that. “Good point. Fancy it is.” I hesitate for a moment, searching his green eyes for any sign of doubt, but there’s nothing except a soft look of sincere affection I’ve never seen from him before. “You mean a lot to me too.”
Austin’s thumbs stroke lightly over the backs of my hands where they rest between us, and I shiver again, but this time it has nothing to do with the cold.
He’s looking at me with such longing it’s almost impossible to reconcile this soft, open version of Austin with the man I met on my first day in town.
Knowing he won’t make the first move when I’m essentially half naked and vulnerable, I lean in and wait for him to bridge the rest of the gap between us.
The kiss is gentle, almost tentative, as we learn the shape of each other.
It’s filled with a tenderness that makes me wish this was my first kiss, not the slobbering attempt at one I had at sixteen, delivered by a drunk boy at a party, who didn’t give a shit about me.
That doesn’t matter now, because just like with a first kiss, I already know I’ll always remember my first kiss with Austin.
We pull apart, just enough to give each other room to breathe. “Wow.” The tips of his ears, already pink from the cold, darken and I know he didn’t mean to say that out loud.
“Just think, if you hadn’t been so stubborn, we could have been doing that for weeks,” I tease.
Chuckling, Austin shakes his head, then guides my mouth back to his, not messing around this time.
His hands on me become my only anchor points to reality, as I’m otherwise swept away by the ebb and flow of his lips against mine.
Our tongues tangle in a give and take that leaves us both breathless, and suddenly kissing isn’t enough anymore.
Holding onto the back of the bench with my right hand for balance, I shift up onto my knees.
Both of Austin’s large hands immediately go to my waist to steady me, tugging me closer as I swing my left leg over his lap until I’m left straddling his thigh.
Our lips meet again in a kiss full of desire as one of Austin’s hands slides lower, gripping me tightly and encouraging me to grind against him.
A whimper escapes my lips at the delicious friction, the sound swallowed down by Austin’s eager mouth. His free hand moves to the front of my unzipped coat, and he pulls back from the kiss, even as I automatically try to chase the contact. “May I?”
“What?” I ask, dazed.