Chapter 35 #2
Tugging lightly at the ends of my hair, I reply, “This is actually pretty close to my natural hair colour—I’ve not dyed it since moving here—and I prefer wearing glasses to contacts. This is me.” I wave a hand at myself. “The blonde hair and the glitter—that’s the person my manager wants me to be.”
Austin drags his hands through his hair, tugging at the copper strands in frustration.
“I knew you were keeping something from me, something important. You have this way of telling me about your life without sharing any real details. I told myself it didn’t matter—that who you were before coming here wasn’t as important as who you are now.
” He shakes his head, looking at me as if I’m a stranger.
“I’m still me, still just Cassie.”
“I wish that were true, but you’re not just Cassie. You’re Melody too, and that woman is a stranger.”
My heart drops to the pit of my stomach, but I can’t blame him for feeling that way.
“Most of the time she feels like a stranger to me too. It’s why I left that life behind—so I could figure out who I am when I’m not being forced to play a role I was never right for.
The person I’ve been here—the person you’ve been getting to know—is the real me. ”
“You’re not going to stop performing.”
He doesn’t say it like a question, but I answer anyway, “No. Singing at Bowman’s helped me realise it wasn’t music I fell out of love with, it was the constant scrutiny, the pretending...
” I clear my throat, not wanting to get sidetracked.
“I plan to keep my stage name but ditch the whole princess persona—it’s not who I am.
The next album I release will still be under the name Melody Night, but the content is going to be one-hundred percent Cassie. ”
“You told me you were seriously considering staying.” His voice is dull. Lifeless. It’s worse than if he were shouting.
“I am. I’ll have to travel for some events, and whenever I go on tour again, but there’s no reason Pine Grove can’t be my home base if I want.
When I came here, I never imagined I’d make friends or find someone like you.
I thought I’d hide away from the world for a month or two, then go back to being miserable in Nashville.
Being here, being with you, helped me see I can have more than that if I want.
I can buy a house here, set up a home recording studio, find a manager who respects me and my music. I want to stay, Austin.”
His hands clench and flex in his lap as he processes. “I want to believe you, but I— You know this is beyond a lot, right?”
“I know. For what it’s worth, I didn’t come here planning to lie to everyone I met. I just… I needed time away from it all, to be treated like a normal person. Then I met people who liked me for me, not what they could get from me, and I—I didn’t want to give that up.”
“I won’t pretend to understand. We’re from completely different worlds. Honestly, I can’t imagine what your real life is like—”
“I want this to be my real life. My time here, the friends I’ve made, you—that’s what matters because it’s real. I love music, I always will, but all the stuff that comes with it is just noise.”
“You really want to stay?”
“Yes.”
“Things will change if you do, right? People will find out who you really are.”
“Yeah. When it gets out that I’ve been living here, the media circus will come to town, but that won’t last forever. The novelty will wear off and eventually people won’t care.”
“What about us?”
“I’d like there to still be an us,” I reply tentatively.
“Look, I’m a normal guy who owns a bar and has a weekly board game night with his friends.” He shakes his head. “I don’t have the first clue how to fit into your world, and I’m not sure I want to. Small-town gossip is one thing, but I don’t want the whole world chiming in on my private life.”
“We can figure that out—if you want to. A lot of celebrities have partners who aren’t in the spotlight.
I won’t lie, you’ll get a lot of attention at first, but people will move onto the next exciting thing once they realise there’s no juicy story, only two people who care about each other.
Some of my fans might visit Bowman’s, but most of them will be polite and behave appropriately, and I can hire security to take care of anyone who doesn’t respect your business. ”
Austin’s tired sigh sends a fissure through my heart. “This is a lot to process. A lot.” He rubs a hand over his beard. “I can’t tell you what you want to hear right now. I’m sorry, but I need time to let this sink in.”
Time to figure out if a life with the real me is something he wants.
“I understand. For what it’s worth, you were wonderful on stage tonight.”
“Thanks.” Surprise colours his tone.
I give him a small smile, hoping this won’t be my last chance to tell him how special he is. “I thought it was worth repeating now you’re aware I really do know what I’m talking about.” Getting to my feet, I continue, “I’m going to head back to my room at the B&B, give you some space.”
“OK.” He hesitates, then asks, “Do you need a lift? It’s late.”
My heart squeezes. Of course he’s still being considerate even when he’s upset with me.
Austin might be a little rough around the edges, but on the inside he’s my marshmallow—or a marshmallow.
I’m not sure he still wants to be my anything.
After I’ve kept so much from him, will he ever trust me enough to show me his soft heart again?
“Thanks, but I’ll be fine. It’s not far.”
“Alright.” His accompanying smile is nothing like the soft smile he gives me every morning, or the one tinged with exasperation when he knows I’m winding him up on purpose. This one is forced. False. I hate it, but I hate knowing my choices are the reason for it even more.
I don’t want to leave Austin, not when it feels like this might be the last time I’ll be welcome in his home, but lingering when he needs time to process won’t help anything. Taking a deep breath to bolster my resolve, I turn to leave.
Austin’s voice halts my retreat. “Cassie?”
“Yeah?”
“This isn’t me ending things, OK? I just need time to get my head around…
everything.” A spark of hope ignites in my chest. “Besides, nothing good ever came from a serious conversation had after midnight.” He offers me a reassuring smile.
It’s more genuine than the last one. That’s good.
“Let me sleep on it. We’ll talk soon, alright? ”
I nod. “Whenever you’re ready. Goodnight, Austin.” The conversation is over, at least for now. As I tug on my boots, then shut the front door behind me, I hope that this won’t be the end of us.
The stars are my only company as I walk from Austin’s to The Dragonfly.
I take my time, in no rush to go back to a bed that I’ll sleep in alone.
Not knowing if or when I’ll sleep in the warmth of Austin’s arms again feels like a knife to the gut—a potentially fatal wound with a slow bleed.
At least the truth is out there now. It’s perfectly understandable for Austin to need some time alone to process.
I should be glad he’s not making a decision in the heat of the moment—I am glad.
That doesn’t make walking away hurt any less.
The soft thud of my boots against the pavement is my only company as I replay our conversation in a loop.
It breaks my heart that Austin’s first thought was that I’d leave him.
No matter his decision regarding our relationship, I’m going to stay in Pine Grove.
I was fooling myself before to think I could leave and settle down somewhere else if Austin and I don’t work out.
Too many people have left him behind, whether by choice, like his father, or because it was their time, like his grandparents.
I won’t add my name to that list. Besides, Pine Grove feels more like home than anything I’ve experienced in years.
Even if Austin and my friends are upset with me, I can’t run away. Home is worth fighting for.