Chapter 1 #2
Darcy nodded and murmured something or other, hoping it would be enough.
The earl continued, saying to Mr Bennet, “My godson is a great reader. The library at Pemberley, his estate, is extensive, the work of generations. His father and I once determined that my library was slightly larger, but I know Darcy has been adding to it, perhaps more quickly than I have been mine.”
Before Darcy could respond, Lord Halsley chuckled and rolled his eyes. “But you have met. Ah, the effects of age on one’s memory. Surely, the two of you must have discussed books when you were in Hertfordshire.”
Mr Bennet looked at Darcy and said, “I cannot recall that we ever had a conversation.”
Darcy tried not to blush, but heat shot up his neck and into his cheeks.
To his ear, there had been a subtle accusation in Mr Bennet’s words, and it reminded him again of how terrible his demeanour had been.
Starting the night I met his wife and daughters, and insulted Elizabeth.
Had he decided the moment he saw them that they were not worthy of his time, that Miss Bennet was too meek and restrained, that she might smile readily, but she was unlikely to share her heart?
How soon had he realised that Elizabeth was something more, that she had touched his heart?
Looking back, he believed it was that same night, the instant he heard her laughing with Mrs Collins.
Elizabeth regarded Miss Darcy, who sat across from her on a blue velvet sofa.
Mrs Annesley had chosen a place slightly removed and was quietly sewing, perhaps hoping to encourage Miss Darcy to speak to Elizabeth.
Thus far, it was not going well. She looked petrified.
And she looked like her brother, which Elizabeth refused to allow to distract her.
I would like her to… What, exactly? Be comfortable in my presence, I suppose.
After all, they would spend the next week together, and she longed for someone to speak to.
Yet, what could she say to Mr Darcy’s sister, who was evidently painfully shy, and might have heard disagreeable things about her?
That was unlikely, she acknowledged. Although he must hate her, after how she had acted, Mr Darcy was unlikely to speak ill of her, regardless of his sentiments.
Refusing to think further of Mr Darcy and what he might think of her, she returned her attention to the young lady and said, “As much as I am capable of amusing myself, I am glad to have other people to pass the time with.” She laughed.
“I would never say this to my father or the earl, but they are acting like my two youngest sisters when they have just finished a novel they find particularly enjoyable. They will spend endless hours talking about it, regardless of their company. I am afraid that, if I had to pass many more days on my own, I would become cross and irritable.”
Mr Bennet had arrived at the London home of her aunt and uncle Gardiner the same day she had left Kent, and had insisted she accompany him into Northamptonshire.
He hated to travel, and required someone to listen to his complaints.
How she wished she had refused! But she had welcomed the possibility to be away from people who would notice how distracted she was and ask why.
If Jane had asked, Elizabeth might have told her about Mr Darcy’s proposal, even though she did not want anyone to ever know.
Partly it was to protect his privacy, and partly because of her embarrassment over the affair.
Sitting beside him at dinner had been distracting, and her stomach had felt twisted into knots, leaving her unable to eat more than a few mouthfuls.
Mr Darcy had looked like he would rather be anywhere else, a sentiment she understood well.
But he has the pleasure of being able to do as he likes.
He could make an excuse to leave. I cannot.
There was an injustice to the situation that she felt keenly, knowing that it represented a broader restriction on her choices and how much more limited they were than his as a man.
In one sense, she had been incredibly stupid to refuse his offer of marriage, even if he was the last man in the world she wanted to marry.
The words, which she had spoken in anger, were not true.
She had known it, even before she had received his letter and accepted that it was an accurate account of his history with Mr Wickham, and that his reasons for encouraging Mr Bingley not to return to Hertfordshire were not entirely unreasonable.
He ought not to have interfered in his friend’s life, but if she thought she was protecting a friend from heartache, she might have done the same.
Miss Darcy’s lips twitched as though she were trying not to giggle.
“But you are here now,” Elizabeth said, “and I hope we shall keep each other company.”
To her delight, Miss Darcy gave her a small smile, her bright blue eyes briefly meeting Elizabeth’s. Even more startling was hearing the young lady’s voice a moment later. She spoke so softly that Elizabeth had to lean forward to catch the words.
“I recall my brother telling me about a Miss Elizabeth Bennet, one of the daughters from the neighbouring estate of his friend, Mr Bingley. You stayed there for a few days?”
Mr Darcy had spoken of her to his sister?
I suppose it is not so outrageous, not when he believed he had…
deeper feelings for me. She felt her cheeks heat, and she was certain her voice wavered when she said, “My elder sister had fallen ill while dining with Mrs Hurst and Miss Bingley. I was there to care for her.”
Miss Darcy nodded. “He found your dedication to your sister admirable and said that your company was agreeable.”
What was she to say? It was impossible to grasp the knowledge that he had liked her, or not entirely disliked her, so long ago.
Battling dizziness—and praying her voice did not betray that she was quickly becoming overwrought—she said, “That was kind of him.” She cleared her throat.
“Well, what shall we do with ourselves while Lord Halsley and my father discuss history, books, or politics—I even once sat through a long conversation on dog breeding. As much as I like dogs, it was…” She shook her head and gave an exaggerated shudder to make a joke of her statement.
As they—mostly she—chatted about how they liked to pass the time when in the country, Elizabeth thought, Will this day never end?
She needed to be alone as she never had before.
Not even after his insulting proposal and our argument.
But she could not simply go to her chamber and stay there; she would have to lie and say she had a headache, which might cause too much fuss and unnecessary concern.
Inadvertently, unwelcome thoughts intruded, causing her to wonder if he would also worry or if she had given up the right to have him care.