13. Chapter 12
Chapter 12
S ainte received a tonic to numb the pain and lull him to sleep while we tended his wounds. Gilead, understanding my silence and my need to help, handed me another strip of gauze. I pressed it against his raw, torn flesh, focusing on the task. Anderz’s watchful gaze burned into me, a silent accusation that I couldn’t ignore, as if questioning whether I learned my lesson.
I bit my cheek and withdrew my hand as Gilead finished dressing his wounds. My mind raced—would he ever regain his former agility, or would he suffer for the rest of his life, for my sake?
I wished he had never come back for me.
Tears streaked down my face, leaving hot, angry trails.
“Counselor Dyre, please fetch something to eat,” Gilead said, her voice hushed and calm.
“As you wish.”
I ignored Anderz’s departure, wiping my cheeks as I glanced around. The room was pristine, with white sheets adorning every bed. A few patients lay resting, each with various injuries, but all were in a state of peaceful slumber. The air felt sterile, almost too clean against the backdrop of suffering.
“He will heal,” Gilead murmured as she knelt before me. “You’re hurt as well.”
My once-elegant blue dress, now smeared with blood, clung uncomfortably to my skin. “No, it’s not mine.” My voice cracked with emotion as I wiped my face.
Her eyes studied my features, her smile tinged with sadness. “You hurt here,” she said, placing her hand on my chest .
Tears pooled and spilled over, blurring my vision. “I can’t do this.” The confession tumbled out, choking my tight throat. “I couldn’t even help him. I didn’t know what to do or what to say.”
My actions were driven by impulse, by a desperate need to save him, only to have delivered the final blow.
I would never forgive myself for that.
“Anderz was right to let you go.”
I blinked away the haze to stare at her in disbelief. “What?”
“He allowed Prince Regent Adastrus to teach you a valuable lesson.”
“That my brother can do what he wants? Sure, I learned that. Crystal clear.”
Her hand rested on my knee, in an attempt to soothe my rising anger. “You learned not to act in haste. If you aren’t prepared, you will fail every time.”
“Don’t you believe in the gods?” I scoffed. “Why prepare if they’ll help you through?”
“They won’t do for you what you can do yourself.” She smiled, glancing at Sainte. “Don’t shy from asking Anderz for guidance. The man is wise beyond his years.”
“That’s shocking, considering he looks like an old fart.”
A throat cleared behind me. When I turned, I spotted the counselor giving me a droll stare.
“I sent for your midday meal,” he said.
I sighed, returning my gaze to Sainte. He slept soundly, his face relaxed in a way I’d never seen. On the road, he’d always been guarded, even in sleep. Now he seemed at peace.
“He has suffered this before,” Anderz added.
Not by my hand—the girl he saved and cared for.
“He will heal,” Gilead said again, rising to stand. “I must tend to others. Stay here for the day. It would be expected.”
I frowned, staring at my hands as she left. I would gladly hide away here for several days until Sainte recovered. He lay prone on the cot, his fresh bandages already spotted with crimson. With his boots removed, his wool-wrapped feet dangled off the edge. I stood, grabbed a blanket from a nearby cot, and draped it over his legs.
“Could you have stopped it?”
“Princess, no one could have prevented it.” Anderz scratched his jaw as he let out a heavy sigh. “I would’ve had you wait until it ended, rather than see him in that condition.”
Was that supposed to make me feel better?
“This is my fault,” I whispered.
“In a sense, it is. ”
Usually, people offered consolation or comfort, insisting the blame was elsewhere. But I was a princess, and he, a counselor, was telling me that yes, I was responsible for Sainte getting beat within an inch of his life.
“This is the price he paid to bring you back.” Anderz held my stare in that unnerving way of his, as if he could read my thoughts and intentions. “There will be far greater prices paid before this is over, Princess.”
If these people truly wanted to remove my brother from power, one would think they would’ve devised a more effective plan.
“What am I supposed to do now?” If my mistake before was not seeking his advice, I wouldn’t make it again. “Where do I go from here?”
He observed me for a moment, scrutinizing my expression. “You would do well to lie low, Your Highness. Gilead will inform the regent that you require time before the first rite, and we will use that time to prepare.”
“What is it, the first rite?” I asked, wiping my wet cheeks on my sleeve.
“Trial by Nellium.”
Days later, the significance of naming the rite after the Goddess of Frost and Chill became painfully clear. Isolated in a courtyard encircled by a tiny audience, I sat huddled on the frigid stone. Within a circle crafted from ice, courtesy of the Priests of Nellium, I was told if I left the boundary or called for warmth, I would fail the trial.
A cold breeze teased my brother’s hair, seated a few paces away, his eyes locked on me with unwavering intensity. His posture remained composed, legs crossed beneath him, palms resting on his knees, his breath visible in the frosty air.
Clad in white linen, both of us endured the hostile elements with bare feet and hands. The garments were devoid of gems, stones, or any form of embroidery. They embraced simplicity.
With nerves wreaking havoc, I rubbed my palms together, hoping to generate some heat, all while cursing Sainte for having me raised in a tropical climate. I longed for the familiar clammy warmth of the ports, not this bone-chilling wasteland. Only moments passed, yet I trembled and shivered uncontrollably, my skin prickling with gooseflesh, desperate for respite from the numbing chill.
For the first time, I regretted chopping my hair short—its warmth would’ve been a solace against this freeze. Though, knowing my brother, he would have insisted it be cut to match his.
As if being raised in this bitter climate wasn’t already an advantage.
My face scrunched when I peered over to find his relentless, emotionless stare. To distract myself, I surveyed the small gathering assembled. I appreciated the privacy of the event, limited to priests, healers, and select nobles who sought attendance. They sat with focused expressions, gloved hands wrapped around steaming mugs.
Sainte’s absence stirred conflicting emotions within—sadness, but also gratitude. His role as a recruiter limited his access to many aspects of my new life, leaving me uneasy. He was the sole person in this gods forsaken place I trusted.
Anderz sat near the rear of the meager crowd, draped in a thick fur cloak. The last few days, his demeanor exuded reliability, and I did my best to lean on his counsel. He had been invaluable in helping me avoid my brother while providing insight into what was expected of me. In uncomfortable situations, when I struggled with words or actions, he covered for me. With him, the facade was easier to maintain.
And Sainte trusted him, so that had to count for something.
His handsome face came to mind, free of the stubble that grew during our long journey. Gilead worked wonders, cleaning him up until he resembled the man I remembered.
When I had voiced my pitiful wish that he could be at this trial, he simply replied, “Likewise, Princess. Likewise.”
My shoulders dropped as I wiggled my fingers in my lap. He was still healing in the clinic. He sat up with more ease now, and thankfully there were no signs of infection. Though his movements were stiff, Gilead insisted on gentle exercises, and massaged oils into his back to aid his recovery.
I offered to do it once. Their reaction, the glances exchanged, clarified that my bid to assist was deemed inappropriate for a princess.
I only wanted to help.
It had nothing to do with the fact that a knot twisted my gut every time I witnessed her gentle hands on his skin.
Gods, I wished he were here. His presence brought a sense of reassurance, a semblance of safety that I craved. It wasn’t about lingering emotions or romantic interest—it was purely about feeling secure. That’s all.
“Ugh,” I muttered, rising to stand. I had to get my mind off him.
The priests leaned forward in their seats, stares fixed, assessing if I’d step beyond the circle.
“Cold, little sister?”
I forced a haughty grin. “Not at all.”
Anderz explained earlier that movements were permitted, as long as I stayed within the boundaries, though he cautioned me against sweating as it would chill me faster. The priests would supply cold water, a bowl shared between me and Adastrus. If I could exercise without worrying about dehydration, what better way to warm up than to move ?
I jumped into a star shape, extending my limbs outward. Bystanders gasped and checked that my feet were within the circle—which they were. Returning to a straight position, I clapped my hands on my thighs, then with a grunt, repeated the star jump. After a few more sets, my quick pulse warmed my blood, and I settled onto the ground.
Adastrus observed me with a narrowed glare, his handsome face etched with a deep frown. He really did get the good looks of the family. High cheekbones, full lips, powerful green eyes, and blue-black hair cascading over his forehead. He was quite attractive.
I hoped the women he bedded knew the glitter in his eye was not from charm, but madness.
I pulled my knees to my chest and tugged the thin dress closer to shield against the bite, though the chill seeped past the fabric. With each breath, a puff of frosty air escaped in a halo of gray.
Either Adastrus would die or I would bow out. I doubted this would end any other way, but I would give it my best.
Night descended and the first layer of frost nipped at my blue skin. The nobles retreated to the castle’s warmth, but the Priests of Nellium and Counselor Dyre lingered, bundled in furs.
Adastrus and I were given nothing, left exposed.
My exhaustion discouraged further exercise. The chill seeped too deep into my bones, making it unbearable to rise. The water given only intensified the cold—and now I had to piss.
But I was pretty sure I was frozen to the ground.
A shiver jerked my entire body as I struggled to open my eyes. My teeth chattered, rattling my head where a steady, pulsing headache throbbed beneath my skull.
With no lanterns or torches casting a warm glow, the twin moons hung full and luminous, their silver light bathing the scene like a celestial spotlight.
Adastrus shivered as well, his eyes shut against the frigid air. His fingers developed a dark blue tint, a testament to the bitter cold. He maintained the same dignified composure, sitting motionless, as if carved from stone.
I whimpered, trying to curl into a tighter ball. The thin dress offered little protection, and I cursed myself when my movement shifted the fabric, letting loose a pocket of marginal warmth.
I lay that way for what felt like ages, each second stretching into an eternity of shivers and chattering teeth. Everything ached. My heart thudded, slow and heavy. Every breath was a struggle, as though my ribcage was frozen solid, resisting my attempt to draw in air.
In that frigid darkness, I wondered if I had the strength to crawl out of the circle, to escape this icy prison. But exhaustion weighed me down, pulling me into a numbing haze as I closed my eyes.
A giggle jolted me awake, a tinkling rich cadence, like ice crystals clinking together. The sound pried me from the cold, dark abyss of sleep. I took a gasping breath as waves of pain washed over me, but I lacked the strength to cry out.
Forcing my eyes to flutter open, a ripple of panic quickened my pulse. Anderz and the priests were gone. Adastrus remained in his circle, his expression contorted in agony, his fingers a deep, bruised blue, as if crushed by a hammer.
“Oh, good morn!”
A little girl’s face dropped before mine, tilting as if to get a better look. Brown waves cascaded, obscuring part of her features, yet her golden eyes gleamed with mischief. Icy flecks danced within her gaze as she giggled again, then straightened. I tracked the motion, mesmerized as she twirled, her fluffy pale blue dress swirling around her. Frost cascaded from her like a gentle snowfall, scattering in all directions.
I was dreaming.
Or dead.
That was a definite a possibility.
“It’s… it’s still… dark,” I mumbled, gaze fixed on the starless sky.
The twin moons vanished too, leaving nothing but a void above. Yet I could see everything with clarity as if they were both full and vivid.
“Oh, but it’s morning!”
She laughed, her cheeks rosy with warmth while I shivered blue with cold. She crouched in front of me, her eyes sparkling.
“I always run away when Loth comes out. She’s too bright and scary.” She scrunched up her face as if recalling something distasteful. “But once night ends and morning arrives, Papa says I can do as I wish!”
“Papa?”
The cold didn’t seem to touch her. She twirled and leaped around the courtyard, her movements light and joyous.
“Nothar! Don’t you know anything?”
The girl laughed again, but it faded when she noticed Adastrus. She approached him, her curiosity piqued, and circled him like a cat inspecting a new toy .
Nothar was a god… wasn’t he? The one that Gilead served? None of this made sense. I’d never seen this girl before, yet she acted as though she owned the castle. Her confidence and ease felt out of place in this cold, desolate courtyard.
She stopped behind Adastrus, peering at me with bright, curious eyes. “Oh! You really don’t know?” After another giggle, she skipped over and dipped into a curtsy. “I’m Nellie!”
With a spin, she kicked her leg out above me. Her hair splayed, giving her an ethereal, fairy-like appearance.
“Goddess, actually. I told you, silly. My papa is Nothar. You know, God of Snow and Cold?”
If I could feel any colder, I would have.
I was definitely dead—gone beyond the Veil.
“You’re not dead, chicken.” Nellie clamped her hand over her mouth to stifle her mirth. “I found you two! You’ve got my papa in you, otherwise you wouldn’t see me.”
Was she saying Nothar was my father? None of this made sense.
“You’re royalty, chicken.” She settled outside my circle, staring at her feet. Her bare toes, warm and toasty, wiggled as if she were on a sunny beach in Landing’s End. “You’re part of my papa’s line. That’s why we can see and talk to each other!”
If only I could get my mouth to move.
“Oh, let me help you!”
Nellie tapped a single finger against the ice ring encircling me. Frost flared out, spreading like delicate tendrils on a windowpane. An unfamiliar sensation crept through my body—uncomfortable yet oddly soothing. The biting chill dissipated from my skin and limbs. While warmth didn’t replace it, and my bones still ached, I wiggled my fingers, marveling at the sudden ease of movement, free of pain.
Cautiously, and under the watchful gaze of Nellie’s twinkling eyes, I sat upright. Apparently, I was not frozen to the ground, and my skin was pale blue, not blackened or broken.
“See? Now I won’t have to look into your soul.”
That wasn’t disturbing at all.
“My name is Elspeth.” I spoke slowly, testing out the movement of my lips. They were numb and dry, but no longer painful or splitting.
“Oh! Ellie! Like my name!”
I tried out a smile as I tucked my stiff legs underneath myself. “My friends call me El.”
Her mouth formed a hard line, and she tilted her head, studying me. “Ellie’s better.”
Probably wise not to piss off an imaginary goddess .
“Ellie is great. I like that, too.”
“Good! What are you doing out here tonight? Waiting for me? Oh, we could have a party! I could ask Papa if–”
A broken growl interrupted her excited words, and Nellie yelped as she whirled to face Adastrus.
Great. Now I not only had a tiny imaginary goddess to keep me company in the afterlife, I had my brother as well.
“I didn’t wake you!” she shrieked, bumping into my circle as if it were a wall.
His teeth gritted in pain. Blood dripped freely from his cracked lips, staining his chin. His fingers, frozen to his knees, looked as stiff as his entire body.
“Nellium… free… me…” The words tore from his throat, spraying flecks of red.
“Only Papa can call me that.” The girl pouted, crossing her thin arms over her chest. “It’s Nellie .”
“You… are… a goddess!” Adastrus spit. “Free… me.” His eyes darted my way, spewing hatred.
“That’s right, I am! So ask nicely! ” she huffed, turning enough to watch him from the corner of her eye.
At that moment, I noticed something beyond her childishness. Her countenance flickered with otherworldly power and fury. No doubt, my mind had conjured an impressive goddess.
“Nell…ium…”
“I told you, only Papa calls me–”
A terrible sound erupted from Adastrus, blood gushing from his lips as he raised a stiff arm and thrust it over the circle of ice. He pointed at Nellie, who shrieked. A cloud of white materialized out of nowhere, flying at my brother with incredible speed. It enveloped his hand and collided with an invisible barrier at the ice’s edge, dissipating against it.
His mouth gaped wide with his raw scream. Blackness crept from his fingertips to his knuckles, toward his palm. He yanked his hand into the safety of his circle, cradling it in his lap. He rocked back and forth, his head bowed, moaning in agony.
I pulled my limbs closer, scooting to the center of my circle.
“You scared me!” Nellie cried, backing away from Adastrus. “I’m a goddess, as you said. You should know better than to frighten me. I might only have the frost that answers my call—but it’s enough to take a few fingers!”
I stared, horrified.
Now I had to serve eternity with an imaginary goddess, and my brother minus a few fingers?
When Adastrus looked up, a monstrous fury coiled in his eyes. He fixed her with a gaze of raw pain and unfiltered hatred, his expression twisted and fierce .
“Nellie… maybe you should go,” I said, torn by my concern for this imaginary girl’s well-being.
Despite my confusion, I didn’t trust the ire on my brother’s face. When animals hurt, they lashed out, but this was different. His glare blazed with a desire to inflict genuine pain.
“Fine,” she huffed, smoothing out her dress. “Promise to come play again? I’m sure Papa would let me have a party with you.”
I lifted my chin with a bright smile. “Aye, I’d be happy to. Will there be tea?” I hoped with all my heart for warm tea in the next dream.
“Gods, no. You sound like Loth!” Her crystal laughter clinked and chimed. “Bring some syrup, and I’ll ask Papa for some snow and we’ll mix them!”
“All right.”
“Well then, I’ll leave you two to it.” She cast another wary glance my brother’s way, brows lowered with a warning. “Be good. Or I will tell Papa you tried to catch me.”
Please, no dreams of an enraged father.
Adastrus remained silent, prompting me to glance back at him. His expression sent an unsettling shiver down my spine, one that had nothing to do with the cold.
“Till next time!” Nellie said with a wave.
She skipped through the courtyard, humming and laughing as she went. Frost glittered where her bare feet touched the stone, spreading in a delicate lacework of ice across the ground. As she disappeared over a low wall into the gardens, her tinkling laughter faded with her.
The bitter cold surged, and I cried out in agony, every muscle tense against the assault. My body collapsed like a sack of rocks as frosty tendrils gnawed at my exposed skin and cheeks. A heavy weight settled on my mind, dragging me back into the abyss of darkness.