Chapter 12
Veronica leads the camp. At the end of the day, while she has a handful of rebels that she relies on more than most—including Delilah, David, Aaron, and now Mav—she makes the decisions and stands by them.
No one is being banished from Camp Sunnyside.
After sitting down with me and Chase, Nicky, and Tamera, she decided what happened might’ve come across like some bullshit soap opera from before the Turning, but it wasn’t worth losing the camp handyman, a sensor, a strong hunter, and…
well, I don’t know what Tamera does to earn her keep, and since he made a move on Chase, she’s lucky that I don’t make it my mission to learn more about her.
I’ll say one thing. She’s smart enough to keep her distance from me. If I thought the jealousy I experienced when I got the wrong idea that Chase was dating Audrey was bad, that’s nothing compared to knowing that Tamera thought she could seduce Chase away from me.
Especially when I find out the reason why.
Supposedly, there’s a rumor going around Sunnyside that Chase and I are lying about our relationship.
Someone told someone who told someone else that we don’t act like a married couple, and that Chase is in love with me while I keep him around for protection.
Tamera thought Chase was hot. Nicky decided he would be a better match for me.
The two of them conspired to break Chase and me up so that they could make a play for us on their own.
Not that I doubted him, but Tamera confirmed Chase’s story to Veronica.
She lured him into her cabin and, once he was inside, took off her shirt.
He shut her down, then left immediately.
Maverick backed up how Chase went to help him with the explosives while David was out with one of their bunkmates, Simon.
Figuring Tamera fucked Chase and he could use that to get me to cheat with him, Nicky lied to me and tried to kiss me.
I didn’t get in trouble for kicking him in the nuts since he laid his hands on me first. Chase was given a warning. If he loses control like that again, he’s out.
Tamera is too embarrassed to leave her cabin, though she asked Veronica to apologize to Chase. Not me. Just Chase.
Whatever.
What makes matters worse for me to swallow is that the rumor spread around camp was so close to the truth, it made me sick to my stomach to hear that’s what the other survivors think of us—of me.
I don’t know who started it, but I hate that I gave off the impression that I kept Chase around as a bodyguard and not a lover.
Of course, that just goes to show that it wasn’t Annie.
She knows about the contraceptives I asked for at the trading post. I had to go back once already to ask for another bunch of condoms because—no matter how often I tell myself that sleeping with Chase is making our relationship even more confusing and complicated—I can’t keep my hands off of him once we’re alone.
Luckily, we keep our sex life private. Well. Okay. There was that one time last week when it was just Chase and me, sitting on the edge of the lake, tasked with making sure the shore was as lurker-free as ever that I tugged down my jeans, freed his cock, and sat down on top of him.
To outsiders, it looked like I was just sitting on his lap, my back resting against his. In reality, I was letting him warm his cock inside of me. It was so comforting, that connection, and we stayed like that until we heard footsteps and realized that it was Bailey and Lee coming to relieve us.
But, other than that, we’ve been good. No more running through the trees where other rogues or lurkers could find us because we were too distracted by each other to pay attention to our surroundings.
And while I wanted to consider that was us maturing, now I’m wondering if Tamera would’ve made her move on Chase if I’d made it obvious he was mine.
Nicky… something tells me he would’ve propositioned me whether or not he believed I was actually married to Chase.
Asshole.
As for Nicky, he was told to keep his hands to himself, and that David won’t pull Chase off of him if he starts shit again.
Considering the shiner he’s sporting on his pretty face—and how he spent the next two days walking funny—I’d like to say he got the hint.
Whatever is between Chase and me is our business, but married or not, Nicky can go fuck himself.
Too bad that Chase was with me when Veronica told us her verdict.
I would’ve been happy to just accept that we were allowed to stay—even if that meant Tamera and Nicky got to stay, too—but when Chase heard that the other survivors doubted our relationship…
shit. I should’ve known he wouldn’t take it that well.
Three days. For three days, I wait for the other shoe to drop. Something is up with Chase. It’s super obvious, and though he keeps telling me he’s fine, I know him too well. He’s plotting something.
On the fourth day, Veronica sends Chase out with Aaron to take one of the SUVS and see if there’s any local gasoline stations that still have some fuel for us to snag for Sunnyside.
I spend the morning with Ross, Cecilia, and Monique, doing laundry for the camp because it was either wash, put ‘em up on the line, dry, and fold, or I could help out with a big group repair project. Since that meant I might be working with Nicky, I chose laundry, and I was just finishing up delivering the last of today’s loads when I met Chase coming back into camp.
Aaron offered to bring the two gas canisters they filled up to Veronica.
I should’ve known then that something was up.
Forever helpful, Chase has been bending over backward lately as if he can do enough chores around camp to make up for losing his temper.
I would’ve expected him to tell me he’ll see me at our cabin later, then bring the cans himself.
That he doesn’t… yeah. I should’ve known.
Should’ve, but I didn’t—not until Chase takes me by the hand, leads me back to our cabin, waits until we’re both inside with the door shut behind us, then drops down to one fucking knee.
Holy. Shit.
“Chase? What are you—”
He pulls something out of his front pocket. “Will you marry me?”
My heart leaps up to my throat the same time my stomach plummets down to my boots. He’s holding something vaguely ring-shaped in his hand, and there’s a look of wild desperation twisting his handsome features as he waits for my answer.
Since I know that I can’t give him the one that he wants, I stall by looking at what he’s holding out to me.
“Is that—”
“A twist tie colored in with a gold marker? Yes.”
I’m sorry, but I burst out laughing. I don’t mean to.
He’s proposing to me, and I’m laughing in his face, but the ring pinched carefully between his thumb and forefinger is literally a twist tie.
Chase took one of the little wire things that we used to use to close a bag of bread and colored it gold.
“Chase, sweetheart… where the hell did you get that?”
“Trading post.” He’s smiling, too, now, though I know he won’t be much longer. “Annie found it for me. And the gold marker. I thought it needed a little pizazz.”
A little pizazz.
Seriously.
“I… I don’t know what to say.”
“Then say ‘yes’.”
I wish I could.
The longer I don’t, the more his grin slips from his face.
A few seconds later, his expression softens completely, and I squirm a little even as he slowly stands up.
It’s like he knows that this is different.
The last time he impulsively proposed to me—to Hallie—he didn’t bother with any sort of ring.
He asked, I squealed and said ‘yes’, and that was that.
But that was Hallie.
That was in January. It’s closing in on the end of October now, and as much as I want to pretend that I’m capable of promising Chase everything he wants, I can’t—and we both know it.
I open my mouth, but before I can say a word, Chase does.
“I know this isn’t the ring you deserve.
I know we don’t have jewelers anymore. I know there’s nowhere I can walk into and buy you what I would’ve bought you before.
” He glances at the ridiculous little ring that means more to me than any silver or gold because it came from his heart.
I just… I wish I could accept it. “And I know you’re going to let me down gently, tell me that you still need time…
but you can’t fault a guy for trying, can you? ”
I shudder out a breath, so damn relieved that he understands. “No. I guess can’t.”
He grabs my hand, placing the ring against my palm before I can stop him.
My fingers close over it. I don’t slip it on. Even if I tried, I’d probably break it, but that’s not the point.
He knows I have to refuse for now. I just need him to understand why.
“Back in the Grave, when I was still at St. Matthew’s…
you kept asking me to come back to you.” Hallie.
He kept asking Hallie to come back to him, and when I thought I was Xandra, his pleas were the words of a broken man who couldn’t understand his fiancée was gone.
Now I know better, but as much as I want to just tell him “yes”...
“Chase... I’m trying to come back to myself.
It wouldn’t be fair for me to tell you I’ll be your wife until I’m sure I can. ”
When he doesn’t say anything in response to that, I unfold my fingers. As much as I want to keep this ring because he went to such trouble to make it, and because I love it as much as I love him, I don’t think I should.
I try to hand him back the homemade ring.
He refuses to take it.
A lump lodges in my throat. I swallow past it. “Chase—”
“I’ll wait.”
“What?”
“Keep that. Consider it my promise to you. I’ll wait, Holden, and when you’re ready… I’ll be right there. You’re my wife. You’re mine. I know it. You know it. One day, you’ll wear my ring. For now, keep it close and know that I’ll always be there for you.”
When he puts it that way…
“Thank you,” I murmur. “I’m glad you understand. And I also think it’s for the best if we stop… you know.”