Chapter 15 #2
Night has fallen. By the time Chase gestures for me to follow him, I already know where he’s going to lead me. As much as we’re told that the cabin we’ve been using this past month is ours, it’s not the spot at Camp Sunnyside that Chase has decided to claim for us.
Someone has already come by to feed the consistent bonfire built along the edge of the lake. It’s rearing up, almost as tall as Chase, and I walk as close to it as I dare to soak up some of its powerful warmth.
No one is around. That’s not unusual. It’s grown even chillier out these past few days, and I’m pretty sure the only campers who take long walks by the water are Chase and I. I actually enjoy them. I find them peaceful, though I’m not sure if that’s more because of the water or the company.
Now, though? My back is tight. My fingers are curled up into tight fists beneath the oversized sleeves of Rory’s jacket.
I’m ready for a fight.
I wait until Chase has paused outside of the reach of the flames to turn on him.
There’s no time to dance around the subject.
I’m going. For so many reasons, I have to, and if the idea of watching Chase put himself in danger while I stay back at camp makes me want to be violently ill… that’s just another one.
“I have to go. Don’t you see that? If I don’t… then all of this, everything we’ve lost… it was for fuck all. I have to be there. I have to help.”
I was prepared for a big fight, but when Chase reaches out, grabbing me so that he can tuck me in his arms… I already know that I’ve won.
I wrap my arms around his waist, clutching him. “So… are we good.”
He kisses the top of my head. “We’re always good, baby.”
“Then why—”
“Why did I try to stop you? Holden, seriously? You would’ve thought something was up if I didn’t at least try.”
He’s not wrong. “Wait. So you weren’t telling me you didn’t want me to go?”
His hold on me tightens. “Do I want you crawling through Manhattan when we know the city is crawling with lurkers? Fuck no. Do I want you anywhere near the NRI after what that asshole did to you? Also fuck no. But do I know that there’s no way I can leave you behind?
It’s as simple as that. Where you go, I go. Where I go, you go.”
My heart starts thudding in my chest. “So we’re going?”
“If you want to, then… yeah. I know you need to do this, and I promise I’ll be good. We can tell Veronica that I’ll behave and the two of us are coming along.”
If that’s how he feels… “We could’ve told her that back at the pavilion,” I point out. “Why did you bring me out here to talk?”
“You want the truth?”
“Always.”
Chase shudders out a breath. “If this plan goes through, we’re leaving in two days. That means these might be the last two days I have with the love of my life. It hit me, sitting there… what if this is it? If I didn’t get to just hold you like this, I think I would’ve lost my mind again.”
“Hold me,” I echo, and my racing heart from before starts to send blood racing to other, more sensitive parts of my body. “Is that all you want to do.”
Chase draws back enough that he can grip me by my elbows, looking down at my face.
“Holden?”
He’s right. I didn’t think about that until right this very second, but he’s right. Tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone, but we do have tonight.
I lift my hand, caressing the edge of his jaw with my thumb. Fuck it. “Can I be honest with you?”
“Please,” he says, the ragged word ripped out of him hoarsely, an obvious plea as though he already knows where this is heading.
And maybe he does. After all, he knows me.
I go up on my tiptoes, brushing a kiss across his lips. “I need you, Chase. Tonight… tomorrow… I need to know that one thing in this fucked-up world is real.”
“I’m here, baby. I’ll always be here. Whatever you want… take it from me. There isn’t a damn thing I’ll ever deny you. You know that.”
Except space. Except time. He wants us to play husband-and-wife while the world fucking burns around us, as though the lurkers don’t exist and a happily ever after is something we’ll get to have.
But tonight? I just want to find safety in his arms, falling into the delusion that there might actually be a chance for us if we survive a return trip to Manhattan.
That’s all I want. To fool myself into believing that, after everything that’s tried to tear us apart so far, all I have to do is tell him what I need and he’ll always be there for me.
Once upon a time, I’d thought of Chase like he was the sun and I was a sunflower that couldn’t look away. Now? He’s my heart and my salvation, and there’s a shadow to his brightness that entices the newfound darkness inside of me. If I don’t have him right this very second, I might just die.
“Fuck me,” I whisper. “That’s what I need from you right now. To feel you inside of me, to know that you’re mine… to forget everything until all I can do is scream your name… fuck me, Chase.”
Are we outside? In earshot of the other survivors?
At least four of them are patrolling the settlement’s borders at any given moment, on alert for lurkers, so that’s four of them who have the chance to stumble upon us, but I don’t give a fuck.
I can’t wait until we make it back to the cabin.
I can’t risk Veronica or David stopping us for some bullshit reason.
I need Chase’s dick like I need air to breathe, about to choke and suffocate if I don’t get that connection with him in the next few seconds.