Chapter 11 Hazel #2
I hated how he could make my mind and body freeze while simultaneously turning my heart into that of a marathon runner. All with just a single look.
“Hey, it’s just me. Why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?” he asked with a mocking smirk.
I should’ve been more upset that he was speaking the words instead of signing them, but it gave me an excuse to finally break free from his gaze so that I could read what his mouth was telling me.
“I just wasn’t expecting you,” I finally signed.
He nodded over his shoulder at the parking lot. “Could I steal you away for just a second?”
The pit of my stomach spun on itself, and my core rattled. Anxiety had a way of making my muscles tense and my limbs cold. I clenched my fists at my sides, trying to hold on to the warmth slowly draining out of my fingertips.
Brian reached for my shoulder while staring Devan down like he was ready for war. His hand was warm and comforting yet steady.
Nash appeared at my right, his frame slender and shaky, but unwavering. He hadn’t worked here long enough to know who my husband was or what he looked like. He was shy and hated confrontation. Which was why I was surprised to see him standing with me now, with so little information.
Devan held his hands up and chuckled. “It’s a harmless conversation. That’s it. You can tell your human coloring books to stand down.”
Brian took a large step toward him before he finished, but I stopped him.
“Oh, come on. It’s a joke!” Devan proclaimed, rolling his eyes. “Lighten up, lighten up.”
The clients waiting in the lobby all stared at the interaction happening in front of them, and I suddenly felt the urge to comply with whatever Devan wanted.
I dropped my shoulders, defeated and a little embarrassed that this was all happening inside the shop. Brian’s shop.
“Fine. Just for a minute, okay?”
Devan’s charming grin returned as I followed him.
Fear rose in my chest as I walked out the door, mindlessly noting that Brian was behind both of us when the sunlight hit my shoulders.
“We’re good, man,” Devan told Brian, glancing back with a shooing motion.
The vein in Brian’s forehead popped as he ignored him, staying on the sidewalk as Devan and I stopped near my parked car out front.
“Hazel, can you please tell him to give us some privacy?” Devan’s face twitched with annoyance before he quickly masked it. He flashed his teeth to fake a smile, but all I saw were fangs.
“He’s my friend,” I said.
“So, tell your friend to go mind his business inside.” He teetered his head with every word.
I clenched my jaw, feeling more confident, knowing I had someone here for me, just in case. “No.”
The outer edges of his eyes creased as he narrowed them at me. “No?”
I inhaled deeply, feeling my heartbeat hammering in my chest and drumming against my temples, and then repeated myself firmly. “No. You can tell me whatever it is you came here to tell me, and then I think you should go.”
“Wow.” His brows shot up, and his polite mask fell. “We’re not even divorced yet, and you’re treating me like some sort of stranger.”
I shook my head, sensing the inevitable dissension.
Devan leaned down, bringing his face closer to mine. His cologne was barely noticeable beneath the smell of sweat and mulch. He could make the three inches he had on me feel like three feet when he wanted to.
“Have I done something wrong here? Huh?” he asked.
I bit my lip and shook my head again, glancing over my shoulder to make sure Brian was still close by.
“Why are you being like this? You’re acting like I’m a criminal, Hazel. Jesus.” Devan jutted his chin out, attitude tensing his jaw. “You’re unbelievable—you know that? Always trying to make something out of nothing.”
I sighed, closing my eyes for an extra few seconds so I could have a break from looking at him. “What do you want to talk—”
He swatted my hands away before I could finish my question, and my eyes widened as they shot to his.
“Jelly Bean, we both know you have to keep your eyes open when I’m speaking to you.”
His wrathful gaze flicked to Brian behind me, and my shoulders lifted in a flinch as Devan swung his hand in the air while cursing at him angrily.
I missed some of his words, but I managed to piece together that Brian must’ve warned him to keep his hands off of me.
I slowly retreated a few steps, agreeing with that sentiment. “You should go,” I told Devan.
“Go? Are you fucking kidding me?” he said, finally signing his words.
Inwardly, I rolled my eyes at how poorly he had done it and for only choosing to communicate in ASL now that I had told him to leave.
He’d never taken the time to learn proper sign language.
He thought it was exhausting and a waste of time—especially since I could read lips pretty well, so he relied on that.
The problem was, when he was done communicating with me, he’d turn his back on me or childishly close his eyes so I couldn’t sign to him or tell him what I wanted through text or writing.
The worst was when he’d take my phone away altogether or hide the pens or pencils from me, cutting off every form of communication I had.
It was scary how easily he could shut me out and make me feel like the loneliest person on earth.
That wasn’t love. That was control. I just hadn’t known it then.
But no one told you how terrifying it would be to take that control back when you weren’t used to holding the reins.
“I’m at work,” I stated.
Anger slowly began to bridge the gap between my fear and disassociation.
“So am I!” He gestured to his truck nearby and fisted the front of his shirt that had his company logo on it. “I drove here between job sites, for fuck’s sake!”
A small shrug tugged at my shoulders. “You could’ve asked if I was available before you went through the trouble.”
“Dammit, Hazel. Can you be an adult for two seconds? You’re still my fucking wife, okay? You still legally belong to me until those papers are filed. I think that deserves a shred of respect and, at the very least, a few minutes of your goddamn time.”
Seeing the word wife form on his lips made my chest ache and my stomach churn. It was the first time he’d said it that it didn’t feel true.
I thought about Milton, and I wondered if Devan could see the deceit I felt—the mark of another man’s lips on mine. I could still feel Milton’s touch and see his eyes boring into mine like he never wanted to look away. As deceitful as it’d felt, there was still a desire to do it again.
Devan was closer now, his face red. “You know what? To hell with it. To hell with you! I don’t even want to talk anymore. I was trying to be civil, trying to be a good guy, but if this is the way you’re going to be …”
He shook his head, turning his back on me before I could find out what else he wanted to say.
I figured that was for the best. After getting in his truck, he slammed the door and hit the top of the steering wheel with the heel of his hand several times, screaming nonsense into the cab of his truck.
His silent rage was no stranger to me, but it had been a while since I’d seen it.
Brian’s hand covered mine, bringing it up between us. “You’re shaking.”
“I’m okay.” I nodded, swallowing the giant lump in my throat.
He looked at me for a long moment, his gaze filled with worry. “You don’t have to be.”
My eyes began to blur as I watched Devan’s truck disappear out of the parking lot.
Damn him. Damn him for somehow making me love him, pity him, and fear him, all at once, when I wanted nothing more than to simply hate him.