Chapter 28 #2
A laugh catches in my throat. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t you dare pretend like we are people who talk about the weather. We both know that is the last thing either of us is thinking about right now.”
With our eyes locked, our chests cave in and out with a speed that doesn’t match how still we are standing.
“Eighteen… nineteen…. twenty.” He pulls away the rag and paper leaving behind a silly little firework that we both know was only an excuse to be close.
Since we have met, we have done nothing but look for excuses to touch. His hands are never far from me or my hips. Passing touches and besetting grasps.
He takes his fingers now and traces around my side, feeling the cotton against my skin. Then his hands land on either side of me against the counter and he lowers his eyes to be level with mine.
“Hi Han.”
“Hi Tan.” My voice comes out hoarse and all that my mind can focus on is the smell of him up close. Woodsy and sunshine.
Then his lips find mine softly, like he’s asking permission.
In answer, I let my arms slide up his arms and wrap around his neck, pulling him in.
My body involuntarily rolls up against his as his tongue brushes across my bottom lip before he bites softly.
After a pause at the delicious pain, the urgency shifts.
The kisses become deep and fast, and my heart is barely keeping up.
Our lips and tongues push and pull as I melt every part of myself into him when a gasp breaks us apart.
Well, breaks me away. Tanner stays unmoved until his eyes flutter closed and his forehead drops against my shoulder.
It’s Lauren coming down the stairs.
“Oh my God?” A laugh bursts out of her. “Is this—are you? Oh my God?”
“Want to go check on Win?” I ask Tanner. “Make sure she isn’t sneaking anybody’s sushi?”
He nods, places a kiss on my shoulder before giving Lauren a quick nod and slipping out the back door.
“Oh my God,” she says again. “And that dress? Holy shit.”
I look down and smooth said dress. I went with a cotton red one that falls just right against my chest and hips and it’s hard to ignore the stretch of my hips when I walk in it.
It was a bit of a bold choice, but the look on Tanner's face was worth it.
And that kiss? Well. The dress did what I wanted it to do.
“Did you two just kiss for the first time in my kitchen?” she asks as if the location was really that important.
“No,” I tell her.
She tilts her head in confusion only before she straightens in understanding.
“We kissed the other night. It was kind of a spur of the moment thing, and this was just…”
“Just what?” she presses.
“Maybe more heat of the moment.”
“I’d say. But you’re just now telling me this? Hannah, that is like a no matter the time-of-day call. You wake me up at two in the morning with information like this.”
“I don’t know what it means.”
“What it means?” She throws her hands up.
“It means that you met almost two years ago and had sparks flying even then. Then you met him again a year later and you went home and filed for divorce, and now you two are connected at the hip and holding hands and falling for each other and now making out? Hannah don’t tell me you don’t know what that means. ”
“I know what it means for now,” I admit. “I just don’t know what it could mean for us long term, but I'm not worrying about that right now. I am having fun and embracing the moment, isn’t that what everyone keeps telling me to do? To give it a chance? To enjoy this?”
“Does Tanner think this is just for fun?” Lauren’s mouth settles into a straight line. “I didn’t think you would have some casual summer fling with him! I thought you get to this point and give him a real chance. He’s not casual and you’re treating him like he is.”
Her words sting. She has spent a year and a half begging me to loosen up. Give him a chance, and here I was doing exactly that, and she finds something to pick at.
“Every person involved knows Winnie and I are going home after the wedding and that will be that. I have told you guys this a million times, but nobody has wanted to listen.”
“Hannah.”
“No, don’t Hannah me.” There is a heavy strain on my words.
“I have spent my whole life living for everyone else. I have spent it taking care of you, taking care of Ethan, taking care of Winnie. Every decision I have made in my entire life has revolved around someone else and their happiness. So, forgive me for once Lauren, if I choose my own happiness. Just like everyone has been begging me to do. Even if it’s going to end in my heart being shattered because of course I know this isn’t just for fun.
I’m going to be devastated when it’s over.
But I can’t afford to let myself hope that this could be more.
I can’t afford to let myself make another life-changing decision because of a man.
So let me have this. Let me enjoy a handsome guy being nice to me for a few months.
Because I know I will never find someone who makes me feel this way and this is all I get of him. ”
I turn on my heel, dip out the back door and look around the party. My heart is crashing in my chest and Tanner spots me as soon as I spot him. I don’t even make it off the deck before he’s standing in front of me.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” His eyes are searching mine frantically for an answer.
“Nothing.” I shake my head. “I'm okay, I just— I need fresh air.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.” I force a smile and notice the red plumpness of his lips and a touch of my makeup on his nose.
I reach up and wipe it away as his brow quirks in confusion.
“Just evidence of me on your face.”
He loops a hand around my waist pulling me against him. “Hannah, there is so much more evidence of you on me than just your makeup on my face.”
Heat pools inside of me and it stays there like a deep hunger I can’t satiate. Even with all the kisses on shoulders, hands cupping faces, fingers on hips. It isn’t enough.
Later, while we watch the fireworks that the Hamilton brothers light off, I wonder if Lauren is right. That this needs a serious effort and that leaving doesn’t have to be the end of this. Maybe this really could be just the beginning.