Chapter 31
“We want to see where you’re staying before we leave,” Mom tells me as we are saying goodbye for the night. Lauren is ready to go to bed, Rhett wants to get some late-night writing in, and Winnie is in a losing battle with sleep on Tanner’s lap.
“It’s okay, it isn’t much,” I say, but Paul waves me off.
“Oh, come on. It could be a shoe box, and we would still be proud of you.”
From him, I know that’s true. But from Mom? I’m not so sure.
“I appreciate that, but I might just sleep on the couch here. I’ve had a couple beers anyway.” I shrug but Tanner reaches into my bag and pulls out my keys while balancing Winnie on his hip.
“I’m happy to drive you and Win over.” He turns to my parents. “Meet you guys there?”
“Great!” Mom smiles and shuffles Paul into the car before I can argue.
I spin on Tanner the moment he closes the van door after getting Winnie in her seat. “What in the world?”
“What?” He pretends to act shocked as he guides me over to the passenger seat.
“I almost had an excuse out of this!”
“No, you didn’t. We both know they weren’t buying it. Hop in.”
I follow his direction and buckle my belt. “What about your truck?”
“Rhett will be up for a while. He can come pick me up.”
“Lauren told my mom about the Fourth of July.”
His eyebrows narrow in confusion. “What about— oh.” The knowing grin spreads across his face as he takes my hand, kisses the back, and places them together in his lap. “We can recreate it for them if they need.”
I blush. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Can I show them?” Winnie asks once we meet Mom and Paul in the parking lot.
I hand her my keys. “Knock yourself out, but I didn’t clean up. So, keep your standards low please.”
However, inside I am pleasantly surprised that I hadn’t left the place in total disarray.
Winnie’s purple plastic purse is on the counter, the random contents spilled out.
Band-Aids, crumbled dollar bills, a lip gloss and a single sock.
My blankets are strewn across the couch, there are some bottle and cans on the counter I need to recycle, the beds aren’t made, but everything else is pretty much in order.
I crack a few windows to get a cross breeze and Paul walks around, flicking things. Doorways. Window frames.
“See.” Tanner motions toward him. “Checking the bones.”
“Hannah,” Mom says. “This place is adorable. You were making it seem like you lived in a dump.”
“No, it’s very nice. It’s just not like my old house.”
Paul smiles. “This is better. It feels like you actually live here.”
I glance around and realize he’s right. Neither of the houses with Ethan had much evidence of me, other than them being clean and cared for.
“We are only going back to Illinois for the weekend,” Paul says. “I have a meeting in Chicago, then we are heading back to Florida until the wedding.”
“Can I go with you to your house?” Winnie asks, whipping around to face me. “Please, please, please? Please can I go stay with Grampy and Nan?”
“Winnie, they aren’t coming all the way back up and it’s a really long drive,” I say but Paul and my mother are both nodding their heads excitedly behind her.
“She can come with us for the weekend. We will just move our flight from Chicago to Traverse City and drop her back off on our way.”
Winnie’s hands are clutched beneath her chin, bottom lip protruding out, and she is doing a nervous little dance while she mouths, please, please, please.
“You’ll be away from me for two whole nights, are you sure you’re going to be okay? I can’t just come and get you if you change your mind.” Which is a partial lie, I would absolutely come and get her if she changed her mind.
“I won’t change my mind,” she insists. “Please Mommy.”
“Okay, then go pack your bag. Grampy and Nan are leaving soon.”
Her pleas are replaced with thank-yous as she dashes to her room, flings open her dresser and shoves clothes into her bag.
“Are you guys sure you don’t mind?” I ask and Paul gives me a look.
“Hannah. I would give the kid my left kidney if she asked.”
“I know. But if she crawls in bed with you, her sharp little elbow in your side may make you wish you opted for the kidney transplant.”
Paul ruffles my hair. “Now I do believe that.”
“Grampy, can we stay up late and watch Bluey?” Winnie calls out from her room.
“It’s already going to be late when you get there,” I tell her.
“We can watch Bluey and paint our nails pink as soon as we get home,” Paul calls back.
I shake my head. “Wrapped around her finger.”
Tanner waits back while I bite back the tears in the parking lot, yelling for Winnie to use her best manners and watching her zip away from me for two entire nights.
When I turn back toward the apartment Tanner is standing in the doorway with two bottles of beer in hand. The view sends tingles down my whole body. He’s standing there like this is his home, and there is nowhere else he would rather be. He tips his head backwards beckoning me to him.
“Get over here.”
He hands me the bottle as I approach, and I don’t miss his hand on my lower back as we walk back up the stairs to the apartment where we crash onto the couch.
Our bodies fold into each other like it’s the way we always end our evenings. Like evenings are reserved for the couch, a beer, and our limbs being a tangled heap on said couch.
“When was the last time you slept apart?” he asks letting his hand run the length of my legs.
“I think when I came to visit Lauren when she had that work crisis.”
“That was a while ago. You feel okay about it now?”
“No and yes. I know she will be fine and have a good trip, but I will feel better when she’s back home.”
“Home?” The corner of his mouth quirks up.
“Here. Home.” I shrug. Maybe they’re the same thing now. Maybe they have been.
His lips press into the top of my head, and I listen to the sound of his heart pounding in his chest. It’s as loud as mine.
“Do you mind if I take a shower?” he asks suddenly and my heart dips a bit at the thought of him getting up and leaving me on the couch alone already. Surely, I hadn’t misunderstood the moment we were just having. “I smell like an auto shop.”
“Well, have fun using my tangerine bodywash.” I tease and shuffle out from under his arm trying to hide my disappointment.
“Oh, I will.” He winks playfully and uses my leg to push himself up. He downs the rest of his beer, sets the bottle at the end of the counter with the other recyclables and slips into my bedroom.
I go to the kitchen and try to sort through my disappointment of him leaving me high and dry, but my eyes linger on the bedroom door. The open bedroom door. Through it, I see he has also left my bathroom door open.
Oh.
I stare at the door and listen as he turns on the water for a long moment.
And instead of fear, for once, I let my heart pull me in the right direction.
I flip out the kitchen lights and step into the bedroom.
Listening to Tanner hum Santana, I peek in and see him facing the steaming water.
The only thing he is wearing is that damn necklace.
Water cascades down his toned shoulders and back as he scrubs his face. He turns and when his eyes flick open, they meet mine through the quickly fogging glass. He pushes the water and remaining suds from his hair backwards and doesn’t break eye contact.
In a moment, I am stepping into the bathroom, letting that thudding feeling in my lower abdomen pull me in.
I slip off my dress in the dim light of the bathroom which may be what is boosting my confidence.
Or maybe it’s the way his eyes drag over my body as I unclip my bra and let it fall away.
There’s a hunger in his gaze that I remember from the day of the pool.
And from when I stepped out in that dress on the Fourth of July.
And from any time I get him alone, really.
I kick my panties into the pile with his clothes.
“Get in here,” he gravels and I step around the glass wall.
I expect fast, quick motions. But there isn’t any of that. Tanner slowly pulls me under the water stream and my heartbeat is on its own record-setting pace.
He takes his fingers and traces them along my collarbone.
His eyes consume my body as he trails his hand down around my chest, down my hips and this time, he slips his hand around my back, and he squeezes my butt, pulling me against him.
The feeling of him against my stomach is enough to nearly send me over the edge.
“When did that happen?” I tease, and I almost think he blushes.
“When you were smirking at me over that beer. If you weren’t going to join me in here, I was planning on making this a cold shower to get my head back on straight.”
I bite my smile, doing a terrible job hiding it.
“Turn around,” he commands with his words and his hands as he grabs my hips and turns me. “You are always taking care of everyone else. Let me take care of you.”
His hand gently grips my jaw from behind and tips my head back, so the water flushes through my hair.
He picks up the shampoo off the ledge and without another word, he scrubs it in with slow circular motions.
Somehow the feeling of his hands working through my hair is as erotic as the feeling of him pressed up against me.
A small moan slips past my lips as his hands continue to work at my scalp, tugging gently on my hair as he lathers and rinses.
Conditioner next, then my loofah and body soap.
He’s gentle and firm. He turns me to face him again and scrubs my body head to toe, taking extra care in both his movement and perusal of my body.
I take the loofah from him and start working at a grease spot on his neck, then on his toned arms. His eyes watch me with heavy desire, and I don’t know if I have ever felt so beautiful. Those insecurities that have been quietly programmed into me over the past years, seem to wash down the drain.