Chapter 43 #2
She handed her mom the tickets, but her eyes never left me.
We made small talk with her family until they left us there in the lobby and I wondered if she could hear my heart, because frankly it’s all I heard.
As I turned to go inside the auditorium, she complimented the mustache I had planned on shaving off the next morning. The one I now plan to keep forever.
By the time I found her family inside, they were smiling at me before I even had to ask the question, I knew I needed to ask them sooner or later. I needed my intentions to be very clear. If she would have me.
A couple days after we got home, Lauren called me and invited me to a bonfire at her and Rhett’s place and said attendance was mandatory.
I should have assumed something was up, but it wasn’t until I was pulling up to the cabin and saw the minivan with an Illinois license plate, that I put it together.
Hannah was instantly apologizing to me when we stood in the kitchen. This being the second time she showed up unannounced, and I had half a mind to go beat Ethan to a pulp for putting the fear she had in her eyes.
“Hannah.” I shook my head. “I’m really glad you’re here.”
Glad was the biggest fucking understatement of my life. I was downright giddy. If she was here, it meant that I stood a chance. Then her weeklong trip turned into an entire summer of us dancing around rules neither of us could seem to follow.
Getting Winnie into the Y was nothing more than a quick phone call to Riley. I announced myself when she answered, I told her I needed a spot for a five-year-old no matter the cost. I gave her Winnie’s name and then hung up. She didn’t question me, but I did question myself.
Hannah had opened up to me about her shit-ex, but I couldn’t bring myself to bring up Riley.
I don’t know why exactly. Embarrassment maybe?
Maybe it would force me to admit how messed up I was after her?
I don’t know. But once Hannah and Winnie became friends with her and Poppy, I really couldn’t bring myself to tell her because I wanted her to have friends.
I wanted her to stay. I needed her to stay. No matter the reason or motivation.
I had been a moment away from kissing Hannah on the dusty dance floor of Morton’s when Vesta Fucking Miller showed up.
It had been months since we went out, but there she was, blinking at me like the single date we went on was still relevant.
Hannah had tried to play it cool before rushing to the bathroom and straight into Riley’s younger sister, Reagan.
It was the ultimate double karma for thinking I could have ever settled for less than Hannah, and for never telling her about Riley.
I apologized to her in the car, but I was still mad at myself. I was thankful she picked up the phone again that night before bed. Shit, I was thankful that she kept picking up the phone at all after that.
Things with her were always shifting and evolving. One moment I would think that I had her, the next, she was listing out these damn rules to keep us from falling even more for each other.
I loved her and yet I didn’t have her. Not yet. I was constantly holding her, clinging to her like a bunch of balloons that would float away if I loosened my grip. A bouquet of flowers that would wilt if I let go.
We danced around the edge of us. She said it was complicated, she said it wasn’t easy, and she was right.
There was no denying it. Yet it didn’t stop us from being pulled together like a damn wave on the shore every time we were in each other’s space.
We couldn’t keep our hands off each other, couldn’t not find each other in every crowd.
It was hopeless pretending like we weren’t falling in love.
Soon every party, every dinner, every time I got in my car, I was looking for her to be at my side. And if she wasn’t, she was never very far. Across a room, on the other side of the parking lot, a few people away at a party. Her eyes always finding mine.
I’m not sure what clicked, but soon we were sitting in my parent’s yard at the old weather-worn wooden table, and she was teary-eyed as she smiled around at everyone.
The sun was setting and the wildlife seemed to croak in company with our conversation.
She asked what I thought about her staying a little longer and said that she wanted to give us a real chance.
Though it wasn’t a permanent move, it was close.
And I would take it. I would take every moment with her that she could give me.
A little longer and she would see what I saw for us, I was sure of it. Sure of us.
Lauren was the one who planted the idea in Winnie’s head to go home with Paul and Rochelle for the weekend.
Right before they left to go see Hannah’s apartment, Lauren pulled her aside and they hatched their little plan with Paul.
And even though Hannah almost ruined it, it worked.
It left Hannah and I actually alone, for the whole weekend.
We were sitting on the couch with her legs draped over my lap and suddenly I was a legs guy too.
As long as they were attached to this woman.
I trailed my fingers up her shin and down her thigh as we talked and I had to do something.
I was absolutely losing my mind at the look she was giving me over her beer.
So, I removed her legs from my lap with every bit of control I had left and headed for the shower.
I left the door open so she would know what I wanted, but it still put it in her hands.
If we were going to truly give up on all the rules, then it would be up to her.
And if she didn’t join me, I was going make it the coldest shower I had ever taken and wash the desire out of my body.
I had a few glimpses of her body this summer and it had me in rapt adoration. Her chest, her shoulders, her hips, her neck. Each spot sacred because they were hers.
But standing with her in the shower, I saw her stomach with its traces of carrying a baby, the freckle above her belly button and the peach fuzz below it that lead further south into something a lot less tame. I wanted to devour her. Every inch of her.
Having her in the shower, her bed, or pressed up against my hallway, could have allowed me to die a happy man.
But there was something about her in my bed that was heavenly.
The smell of her hair on my pillow, her legs brushing against mine under the sheets, her body writhing in pleasure in the same spot I have laid awake listening to her talk for hours on the phone.
It all compounded into this deep gut feeling that this was it for me. She was it.
The feeling was only proven by the sight of her dress hanging on the clothesline, her sitting in my flannel on my rocking chair with nothing underneath and a coffee in hand. In a single weekend, I had made it. This was what my life was meant to look like. Just existing with Hannah. For Hannah.
But within hours, I had found out that Dollie, my Dollie, was my grandmother.
That my dead-beat dad who I hardly thought about, was her son.
I had lived my whole life with no clue that this woman, who was like a bonus grandmother, was my actual grandmother.
And it was Hannah who noticed. I had been to Dollie’s house more times than I could count.
For lunch. For coffee. To help fix the sink.
To replace a shower head. To eat dinner.
But the picture had never been more than just that.
A photo, amongst a million others. The ground had shifted below me that afternoon and Hannah kept me steady with her hand on my thigh.
My mom hadn’t known when I asked her about it. My parents and I sat with Dollie around her table as we unpacked everything a few days later. Mom cried happy tears while I just missed Hannah’s hand on my leg while it bounced feverishly.
I regretted leaving Hannah the moment I dropped her off that day we found out.
So, I stepped into the shop, told Taylor I was taking the night off, tied up a few loose ends, grabbed a pizza and headed back to her.
I was halfway out of my truck when I stopped dead in my tracks at what I was seeing up on her balcony.
Hannah wrapped up in a man’s arms. In Ethan’s arms.
He had her folded into his chest and his lips pressed into the top of her head.
I all but leapt from my truck, surely this was a misunderstanding.
Surely, I wasn’t actually seeing what I was seeing.
I was halfway to the door when I saw Paul come out onto the deck, smile at them and wave them into the house.
He wouldn’t allow this right? If he and Rochelle believed this was wrong for her, they would step in. Right?
If I went up there, I was going to either introduce myself as Hannah’s boyfriend and only make things difficult for her, or I was going to hurt this guy. Or both. So, I was talking myself out of committing aggravated assault when my phone began to ring.
“Hey Dol.” I pinched my eyes shut. “What’s up?”
“Tanner.” I could hear the frown in her voice. “Why did I just get a voicemail from Hannah saying she’s leaving and that she won’t need the apartment anymore this fall? She was saying something about going back home or back to him, I’m not really sure—”
Suddenly I was sitting back in my truck, blinking up at the balcony through the clouded windshield. Hot tears burned with my confusion.
“Can I call you back?” I asked Dollie and she mumbled an okay, hung up, and then I was on autopilot.