44. Miley
T he tea ceremony is how we pay respect to our elders. Traditionally, the event would take place in two phases: one at Ruby’s parent’s house, then an identical ceremony at Charlie’s parent’s house. To make things less complicated, and to bring traditions into the 21st century, they have decided to hold a combined gathering in a smaller ballroom at the wedding venue. This will allow us to maintain the important aspects of the ceremony but also make it easier for all of us to get ready for the vows directly after in an adjacent ballroom.
As Ruby’s sister, I’m in charge of everything that happens backstage during the tea ceremony; to make sure it goes off without a hitch. I’ve already gone over my list a thousand times, but I look at it again just in case.
I look at my watch and see that everyone should hopefully be arriving soon. I am not sure about Rohit honestly. He has called and texted me numerous times since our last conversation, but I was still too hurt to answer him. His texts were somewhat reassuring. He told me he’s going to tell his parents about me, and that our relationship was real. He also said he’d be here for me and my family today. I hope all of that is true. I tried to respond to his message a little while ago, but my message wasn’t delivered.
I asked everyone to arrive thirty minutes before the start of the ceremony so we can begin making the tea and setting up everything else.
Andrew and Carter, my preppers, come in first. Their main role will be to brew the tea and wash the cups in between serving, but I put them to work immediately in the kitchenette to fill bowls with red dates, dried longan, and lotus seeds. They’re not so much for eating but for decoration and good luck.
Rohit’s role is to run the tea back and forth from the preppers to me. As the server, I take the tea and pass it off to Ruby and Charlie.
“First batch is ready!” Andrew calls out, as Carter finishes arranging all the decorative bowls, placing the pillows down on the floor for Ruby and Charlie to kneel on. The pillows will help with comfort somewhat, but they’ll still be uncomfortable by the end of the long ceremony. I set up chairs for our elders, because we don’t need an “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” moment today.
I look around, but Rohit is nowhere to be seen.
“Thanks Andrew, thanks Carter for helping me set up,” I say from the doorway between the kitchenette and the ballroom, just as I hear someone enter the ballroom. I look up and am crestfallen to see it’s Ruby, along with the rest of our family. No Rohit yet. A flurry of thoughts and emotions swirl through me, but I don’t have time to dwell on them. I am going to do what every good physician does in a crisis, compartmentalize, and get shit done.
“Carter, do you think you can be the runner instead?” I ask.
“Where’s Rohit?” Carter questions, eyebrows raised.
I sigh. “I’m not sure he’s coming.”
Despite his messages, he isn’t here yet. And my messages back to him aren’t going through. Did he change his mind? Does he care more about something I have no control over, my ethnicity, than our relationship? I know how much he cares about what his parents think and always laments the lack of their approval.
Turning to Andrew, I ask, “Can you do double duty, preparing and cleaning?”
Andrew, gives me his biggest big brother smile, and says, “Of course.” He reaches over to give me a hug and whispers in my ear, “I’m here if you need someone to talk to. I’m also here if you need someone to take him out.” He then motions with his hand across his neck.
I manage a chuckle and walk away from him.
I go to the prepared seating area of the ballroom and direct everyone to their appropriate places. I ask waigong and waipo to sit down first. It’s very important in Chinese culture to call someone by their relation to you, their kinship term. Waigong and waipo mean maternal grandfather and grandmother, respectively.
Ruby and Charlie each kneel on a decorative red pillow with double happiness embroidered in Chinese on the front. How Ruby kneels in her form-fitting qipao , I don’t know. She looks stunning in red though, the color of good luck. I motion for Carter, the Viking, to come in with the tray of tea, which looks so small and delicate next to him.
Ruby goes first and says, “ Waigong, qing he cha .” Ruby then bows deeply. Charlie repeats the phrase which means Grandpa, please drink this tea , then he bows deeply.
After they rise, I hand one cup to Ruby and another to Charlie. They are decorated with beautiful scenes from the Chinese countryside, mountains, and birds all colored in bright, vibrant reds and blues. It’s bad luck for the couple if anyone breaks a cup, so we all handle the porcelain very carefully.
Using both hands as a sign of respect, Ruby offers the cup to waigong and waits for him to drink some. Carter runs to the side of waigong , ready to take the cup back. Waigong places the cup on the waiting tray and then it’s Charlie’s turn.
Waigong finishes drinking his tea and hands Ruby a red envelope I’m sure is filled with a ton of cash. They’re gonna make out like bandits today.
“ Wo jintian hen gaoxing, kanzhe ni zhang da ,” waigong says. I’m so happy today, watching you grow up.
I hear a stifled cry off to the side of the room. I turn around and see Aunt Sue crying. I can’t take her anywhere , I think fondly to myself. If she’s crying already, how is she going to get through the well wishes she’s going to give the bride and groom? How is she going to get through the wedding ceremony?
Waigong concludes with a few lines about having a lot of babies and everyone laughs.
Next up is waipo , our maternal grandmother. After I hand Ruby and Charlie their cups, Carter scurries back to the kitchen so Andrew can wash the cups and pour more tea for the next set of grandparents.
We go through all eight grandparents, and as each one finishes, I guide them to the chairs in the perimeter of the room so they don’t have to stand for the whole ceremony. At that moment, I realize I overlooked assigning an important role, so now I will have to be in charge of all the hong baos –red envelopes. I gather them all discreetly and place them on the side of the tea tray for Carter to run back to the kitchen.
After the grandparents, it’s time for each parent to partake. We repeat the ceremony and then give Ruby and Charlie a second to stand and stretch their legs so they don’t auto-amputate.
By the time it’s Aunt Sue’s turn, she is crying hysterically in the best way possible. She didn’t even cry this hard when it was her own son Andrew’s tea ceremony for his wedding to Carter.
“ Wo yizhi xiang yao yige nu er, wo hen gaoxing neng jiao ni nu er. Zhu nimen yongyuan xingfu, duo zi duo fu !” Aunt Sue says in her torrent of tears. I’ve always wanted a daughter and I’m so happy to call you one. I wish you guys eternal happiness and many children!
Aunt Sue hands Ruby a hong bao that is bursting at its seams and Ruby graciously accepts with both hands.
To Charlie, Aunt Sue says, “ Wo xiwang ni neng shandai ta, bingqie zhidao ruguo ni shanghai ta wo hui shale ni .” I expect you to treat her well, and know that I will kill you if you hurt her. To this she receives uproarious laughter, except I don’t think she was joking.
After the ceremony ends, I show everyone to the main ceremony hall and help them find seats. Ruby rushes to the suite that is designated as her changing room to finish getting ready.
I need to help Ruby get ready and see if she needs anything, so I step into the hallway, pull up the bottom of my long floor length dress so I don’t trip on it, and straighten. It’s then that I see Harrison. He catches my eye and sneers at me. I turn away, not wanting him to ruin this day with a single look, and head to the changing room to help my sister.