Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
Everyone has favorite people. We lie and tell others that we don’t have a favorite family member or favorite child or whatever, but we do.
Even if we don’t admit it to ourselves, we do.
Bee is my favorite. Hands down. I have three siblings, two sisters and an enby sibling, and I prefer Bee to all three of them.
They probably also prefer Bee to me, but I’m Bee’s favorite, and I bet they’re also glad for that.
So when that bitch shows up at my house at seven thirty in the morning and barges into my room, I refrain from causing her bodily harm, and instead I throw the covers back and invite her in for a warm cuddle and sleep.
She changes into her jammies and crawls into bed with me, snuggling in so she can ask me about the vampire alien I saved.
I tell her what happened and how, and we fall asleep while she’s thinking about how to respond.
An hour and a half later, I get out of bed because I’m done being horizontal, and I want to know if there’s any movement on the alien invasion thing happening.
I should be at work, but that ship sailed already.
I called in, so they can’t tell me I’m a no call no show.
I doubt I have a job still, but in light of the whole Armageddon thing, I’m not really sure my job is meaningful to anyone except me.
Also, what happens if I don’t pay my bills?
Is my landlord going to take me to court to have me evicted while there are aliens taking over the world? Nah.
I start scrolling through the news online as I prepare my morning cappuccino.
I bought a fancy espresso maker specifically to save myself seven to twelve dollars a day, and let me tell you, this thing paid for itself in a month, plus I can buy whatever artisan beans I want.
It's lovely. I highly recommend getting one if you’re the type to spend money regularly at a coffee shop.
Even if I spend fifty bucks a month on really fancy beans, it’s still less than what I was hemorrhaging at the shop on the way to work every morning.
So yeah, get yourself an espresso machine and some really fancy beans; your wallet will love you for it.
So the news, right? People are literally disappearing from their homes and places of business.
No one has disappeared from their cars, which, let’s be honest, is a relief since those things are deadly.
They disappear and a few minutes later, they’re back.
So far, people think that the difference between before and after is that the aliens are removing the desire to do harm to the aliens and other humans.
One woman, talking to one of the social media journalists, says that her brother, who’d always been very loud about his opinions, disappeared, and when he came back, he was more peaceful than he’d ever been in his life.
She says it’s the best thing she’s ever seen and she doesn’t care that the aliens are manipulating human brains.
“You know what? Peace is peace,” I mutter, considering my encounter with Lora again and wondering if he would have changed my mind if I’d been less receptive to helping him.
After making my cappuccino, I head back to the living room and turn the TV back on.
All the channels are still broadcasting the alien administrator and the same scrolling message.
Well, no, actually, I think it’s a different alien.
This one isn’t nearly as scraggly as the last one, and they look younger, I guess.
And they’re pallid like death, but the waxiness isn’t as off-putting as it was with the previous alien.
Or maybe having spoken to one of them, I’m getting used to the characteristics of the species. Who knows?
My phone buzzes as I’m watching one of my favorite online journalists talk about what she’s doing to prepare for the stall outs in the supply chain that are going to happen because of the aliens, and I swipe to answer the incoming call even though it’s probably spam.
Who knows, maybe it’s some kind of news brief from the government. They call people, right?
“Hello?”
“Good morning, Ollie.” The voice on the other end is distinctly memorable.
“Lora? How did you get my—no, nevermind, that’s a stupid question. Good morning.” Aliens be doing alien things, amiright?
“Did you sleep well? I’ve learned that is a normal thing to ask in the morning,” Lora adds, but he sounds like he finds that a weirdly intrusive question. I don’t know, could just be how I’m interpreting alien inflection and not how it should be interpreted.
“Yes, I slept well. Considering I usually sleep like shit, that was unusual. How did you sleep?” I feel like testing the theory about whether he thinks the question is intrusive.
His reply comes in halting tones as if he’s struggling to get the words out. “My rest period was satisfactory.”
“I get the feeling you hate this question,” I chuckle, having a moment of cognitive dissonance that I am on the phone with a ScaryDarkAlienVampire right now. It’s weird, right? Surely, I’m not the only one struggling with this being the new reality.
“It is strange to ask about the quality of a person’s vulnerability,” he answers diplomatically. “My people do not engage with each other to reveal our weaknesses.”
I think about that for a moment before the words pop out of my mouth without too much concern about the consequences. “Humans create intimacy through shared vulnerability.”
“We’ve noted that,” Lora replies. “It is a common trait among the species in the galaxy. My species’ treatment of vulnerability between intimate partners is a rare cultural phenomenon.”
“Well, thank you for indulging me, then. I’m sure that was difficult.” But honestly, he kinda owes me since I gave him my blood and all.
“You’re welcome,” he responds smoothly. “I must end this communication now.”
“Alright, thank you for checking in on me. Goodbye.”
“Goodbye to you as well,” he replies a little awkwardly, and the call ends.
I look at my phone screen for a moment, then shake my head, wondering that that just happened. My attention is drawn away from the phone when the TV suddenly makes a sound.
I look up, finding that the admin is gone, and now on screen is a huge gathering of people.
It takes a moment to recognize that three of the people on screen are government leaders.
I assume the rest of the people gathered are also government leaders based on how they are all dressed.
The camera zooms in on the US President, and that fucker starts talking in his annoying voice about how the aliens have come to save the planet.
“Bee! Bee! Get out here! The president is making a speech! Bee!” I shout loud enough to wake my sleeping cousin. She’s a light sleeper, a hold over from her days as a student nurse.
“What?” she calls back, running in from the bedroom.
I point to the TV. “The FOTUS is making a speech!”
Bee blinks twice and flops onto the couch next to me, and together we watch that fuckface tell us that the aliens are now in charge of the planet and all the world leaders are abdicating their power voluntarily so that humans don’t suffer a mass extinction event because of our ongoing and terrible stewardship of the planet.
“How did they get him to resign?” I wonder aloud, in awe of what is happening right now.
Bee pushes her phone into my face. “It looks like every government leader is making the same speech to their citizens.”
On the phone is a compilation of faces, (some of which I recognize from recent world events) speaking in their native languages.
I don’t know if the subtitles are correct, but it looks like they’re all resigning or abdicating power to the aliens.
They’re surrendering without a fight at all, which is…
“It’s probably the re-education plan the aliens have. They’re literally changing people’s minds about resistance and violence,” I decide. There’s no way any of these people would give up their power without a fight.
“They were doing a shitty job of it anyway,” Bee grunts.
“Like, the only way things could possibly be worse under the aliens is if they literally kill all of the humans or turn us into livestock, but let’s be honest, we were already doing genocide in multiple places on this planet, and half the population of most countries is considered no better than livestock, soooo I guess we’d be worse off if the aliens suddenly started treating men the way men treat women and minorities. ”
“I hate that I can’t disagree with that,” I grumble.
The abdication of power ends with a return of the admin alien and the scrolling subtitle: Planet 45789stp, locally known as Earth, is now under the control and jurisdiction of the ScaryDarkAlienVampire Empire. Resistance will result in re-education.
I watch it scroll through twice before turning to Bee. “Lora called me earlier.”
Bee slow blinks at me, points to my empty coffee cup, and frowns. “I need a cappuccino before you tell me all about that.”
I laugh, stand up, and head to the kitchen to make us both a drink. We’ll switch to wine in a couple of hours, but first: coffee.