Chapter 25
I turned and glared at her. The fucking nerve. “You’ll make sure I stay a Hawk?” I repeated. “That’s mighty magnanimous of you.”
Sommer flinched as though she’d been slapped. That was the same reaction I had last night when my father got the call from Mason.
Not only was my career with the Hawks, an organization I’d followed since I was a kid and hoped to retire from in jeopardy, but I’d lost my girlfriend on top of it all.
It was as though someone said, “Let’s fuck up Jimmy Hall’s life in one fell swoop,” and succeeded with flying colors.
“I know you’re upset, but if you let me explain.” She sucked in a shaky breath, and despite her lower lip wobbling, thankfully no more tears fell.
Fuck.I hated seeing her upset. Even through angry eyes, I could tell she’d had one hell of a night. Despite her messy look, she was still gorgeous, my beautiful ex-girlfriend who had fucked up my career.
“You want to explain? Fine. Tell me, what promotion did you get?”
She hesitated but then answered me: “All Granddad said was that I’d be by his side. I didn’t intend for my report to insinuate that you should be traded. He and Mason discussed it, and I stood up for you.”
“Stood up for me? You stood up for me?” I repeated. “Let me ask you this, baseball aside, did you tell him that we were together?” When she didn’t say anything, I knew the answer. I shook my head. Exhaustion gripped me hard, thanks to a horrible, sleepless night of tossing and turning. Then to wake up and see my dad off to the airport so he could get to his office and figure out his son’s life, I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Sommer, I’m tired. Maybe you were right and we shouldn’t be together. I’ve never hid myself for anyone until you. Until you decided no one could know about us. Maybe you were embarrassed. After all, I’m only twenty-four, right? What could I know about life and love? I’ve gone through a lot, and you know that. From it just being my mother and me, trying to become the man of the house while my mom let me stay a kid, to pouring my heart and soul into baseball, I went out, had fun, and made mistakes that I owned up to. All of which led me to you. And for what? So you could rip my heart out?”
“I know you’ve been through it. And I’m not embarrassed to be with you. I told you I didn’t date players until you. But that’s over now, right? We’re over?”
Her voice, laced with sadness, pierced my heart like a knife. As I stood there, looking into her eyes, I felt a knot tighten in my chest. Maybe my heart was being strangled by her words. I wished I could come to terms with it and tell her that it would be all right, that we would be all right, but that hadn’t been an option. My brain-to-mouth wouldn’t let the words come out.
I shrugged. “It’s a shame, Sommer, because I found a woman who was smart, funny, beautiful, and loved baseball as much as I do. Want to know what the worst part of this is?”
“What?” she quietly asked.
“The worst part is I fell in love with someone that I don’t know if I can trust. I stupidly agreed to your plan, because I would have taken you any way that I could. As long as you were mine and on my side, I’d relish every moment we shared. But you weren’t by my side. I hadn’t been anything but honest with you. Yet you were the opposite. You said you loved me. How am I supposed to believe that?”
“It’s the truth. What about you?”
“What about me?”
“You just said that you love me. Do you still?”
“I’ll probably always love you, Sommer. Except sometimes love isn’t enough.”
Nothing about telling her how I felt was how I imagined it would go down. I figured we’d be alone watching a movie, having dinner, or lying in bed after just waking up. It wouldn’t have been in an argument.
“Do you really believe that?”
“Right now, Sommer, I don’t know what to believe. Maybe being traded to Omaha would be the best. Then I wouldn’t be reminded every day how great we could have been.”
Our eyes locked, and I stared into the eyes of the woman I loved. “Bye, Sommer.”
Her lids lowered, and my arms ached to hold her, except that would only prolong the inevitable. Rather than do any of that, I turned and walked out her front door.
* * *
I drove aimlessly down the highway with no particular destination in mind, thanks to it being consumed by dozens of thoughts. Everything about what happened at Sommer’s weighed so heavy on my heart. I never thought I’d walk away from the woman I loved—I never aspired to be that man, but I couldn’t help but replay the conversation I’d had with my dad last night and the part she’d played in it.
“Jimmy, Mason Anderson just called me. It seems as though a trade may be in the works at the end of this season.”
All I could do was blink. “Trading who?” I asked in disbelief. “Me? I just helped get us to the playoffs.”
“The timing is suspect. But I need to have more information. From what Mason told me, Sommer gave her grandfather a report that detailed the team’s salary cap and made suggestions. One of them would be to trade you. Did she talk to you about this?”
Ire soared through my veins. How could she do that? “No. I knew about the report. She was hoping to get the promotion she deserved.”
“She did.”
“Hold on. Sommer suggested I get traded, and she got promoted?”
“According to Mason, yes.”
I slammed my palm against the steering wheel. The thought of leaving behind everything I had built—the camaraderie with my teammates, the connection with the fans—was all too much to comprehend. Everything I had worked for seemed as though it could vanish.
The mountains in the distance looked as I used to feel—forceful, yet at complete peace. They took on the burden of the elements around them without crumbling. Everyone used them to climb higher, to see views they’d otherwise be unable to, and they still stood strong.
I wasn’t sure I could say the same. Knowing there was only one person who could help me, I tapped my Bluetooth and called my mom.
“Sweetheart ...”
“Hi, Mom. I assume Dad told you.”
“Yes, he just got home. I wanted to call you, but your father suggested you might need space. Have you talked to anyone?”
I forced a smile thanks to my mother’s not-so-subtle question. “Yes, I spoke with Sommer. Whatever we had is over.”
“I knew you liked her. I could tell by the look in your eyes. Honey, what did she say?”
After I explained everything, my diplomatic mother told me I needed to not get ahead of myself. Easier said than done.
“We’re over,” I repeated. “I know I shouldn’t have kept my relationship with her a secret, but that was what she wanted, and I would have done anything for her ... so I did.”
“Because you loved her.”
“Yes.”
“Secrets ...” She paused and then continued, “Sometimes, secrets seem as though they are the best solution to protect someone or something. Your paternity had been a secret. Sure, people speculated, but for fourteen years, the only people who knew the truth were my parents and your aunt Mia.”
I knew that. Could things have been different? Of course, but my mom did what she did to protect us, so I reassured her that I understood. “I know, Mom. Our situation was different. All the information led you to believe that you were doing the right thing. And you did. Before you say it, I know I was upset when I found out, but once I understood, everything was fine.”
“And you gave me the grace you thought I deserved. Doesn’t Sommer deserve the same? I’m not telling you to forgive without explanation, but if I know my son, before you even knocked on her door, you had a plan that included ending things with her.” When I didn’t respond, she added, “I’m right, aren’t I?”
“About the plan, yes. About Sommer? I don’t know. My phone has been blowing up with text messages from teammates, old college buddies, and players in the league. Even Aunt Mia sent me one asking if I was okay. Aunt Mia, Mom. We both know why she went to baseball games?—”
“The uniforms,” we said in unison, making us both laugh—the first time I’d done that since last night.
“My point is ... it’s a lot right now.”
“Sweetheart, I’m sorry. I truly am. Please take a breath and try to relax. Go for a walk or even take a nap. Do anything but look at your phone. And for your own sake, don’t make any rash decisions. Your dad is looking into a few things that didn’t sit right with him.”
I had figured that he wouldn’t dig deeper. Dad had scouted for the Hawks, crafted my contract, and then quit to represent me and other athletes. I knew if anyone could figure it out, it would be him. It could seem cut and dried to most people, but there had to be a reason all of a sudden trade talks surfaced.
“All right. I’m going to go home and work out. I’ll be around later. Tell Dad to call me as soon as he knows anything.”
“I will. What are you going to do about Sommer?”
“I’m not sure I can trust her again.”
Mom’s sigh echoed in my car. “I’m sorry, honey.”
“Yeah, me too. Love you, Mom.”
“Love you too, sport. And chin up!”
Hearing her call me my childhood nickname had me smiling once more. “Always.”
I ended the call and went home. When I walked into my bedroom, the canister with the blueprints for Imaginarium Hall leaned up against the corner. One more thing I’d need to give up if I moved. Annoyed, I hurriedly changed into my running gear, put in my earbuds, and went for a five-mile run, hoping everything would make sense when I got back.