Chapter 15
Ethan
After passing out with the worst case of blue balls in history, I slept for two hours before I woke up in my hotel room with a raging hard-on that wouldn’t quit. Mia broke my dick, or at least it feels that way. I’ve been hard all day. No matter what I try, I can’t get her out of my damn head.
Even after a long, hot shower, I can still smell her on my skin.
Every memory from last night is burned into my mind, making what we did a permanent and constant reminder of how much I fucked up.
As if I hadn’t done enough stupid shit, I borrowed a car in the middle of the night to see her.
Then, I used the key she gave me to enter her bedroom unannounced.
What is wrong with me? She’s doing things to my head I don’t understand.
On our way home from D.C., I slept most of the way.
Will had no idea I had ever left the hotel.
He was busy entertaining the woman he met in the lobby after the game, which gave me a lot of time to make a hasty decision.
As soon as we got back to Philly, I ate dinner with Will at the Chinese restaurant below Mia’s apartment, and then he went out to meet the waitress from The Sixth Floor.
All day, I’d thought about confessing what I did to Will.
I promised Mia I’d grow a pair and tell him.
But with the playoffs in full swing, I can’t afford to ruin our team camaraderie by starting what could be the worst fight of my life with Will.
We have to get through this series before I go down that path, which makes me wonder if we’d all be better off if the last week never happened.
With the apartment to myself, I move into the living room and sink to the floor. I sit on the yoga mat I found in Mia’s hallway closet and laugh. The thought of Mia using this mat is hilarious. Someone must’ve given it to her as a gift. I found it buried under old boxes and covered in dust.
Shirtless and in black basketball shorts, I lie back on the mat. Moving my hands behind my head to support myself, I take it slow as I sit up, my abs burning. Today, the pain feels good. I welcome it.
I need it.
Exorcising the thoughts of Mia from my brain, I pick up the pace and raise my legs in the air, elevating them at the perfect angle. I get lost in my workout, focused on the tingling sensation spreading throughout my body. Apart from the police sirens blaring in the distance, the silence calms me.
I hear the front door open and slam.
Mia moves into the room and stands over me, with her hands on her hips and biting her lip. It’s hard to tell if she’s annoyed or turned on.
A little bit of both, maybe?
“At least someone is making use of that mat.” Mia laughs. “Lord knows it won’t be me.”
“You should work out with me.”
She drops a messenger bag onto the floor next to the coffee table. “You know I’m allergic to exercise.”
I grab her hand and pull her on top of me. Her breath hitches when she locks eyes with me. Bright blue irises stare back, causing my heart to speed up.
Why does Mia have this effect on me?
I should distance myself, but I want to be closer to her. And I hate myself for it.
She slides her fingers through my sweat-slick hair, pushing it off my forehead. Mia shakes her head, a smile already on her lips. “Why do you have to be you?”
“Not sure what you mean.”
“It’s just…” She turns her head away from me and sighs. “This is so hard.”
“I know.” I move my fingers beneath her chin.
For what I want to say, I need her undivided attention.
“I hate lying to Will. He’s my best friend and pretty much the only family I have other than my mom.
” I tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear and sit up, our lips almost touching.
“I want you, Mia. I’ve always wanted you. ”
“You were my first crush,” she admits. “My first real friend. Until you disappeared without even saying goodbye.”
I let out a frustrated groan. “We’ve gone over this more times than I can count.”
“But you never answer my question. Why did you leave? Why didn’t you have enough respect for me to say goodbye?”
“Respect?” I close my eyes and sigh, leaning my forehead against hers. “If I didn’t respect you or your brother, I would’ve kissed you ten years ago. I would’ve been your first kiss. I would’ve been your first everything.”
She gasps. “Everything?”
I nod. “Everything. I wanted it all with you, Mia, but I couldn’t have you. My life was so fucked-up back then. I wasn’t about to drag you into my mess. You were always too good for me. You still are.”
“You’re only saying this because of Will,” she challenges. “If anyone was too good, it was you, Mr. Perfect. You were good at everything. There was nothing you could say or do to make people hate you. You were the golden boy of Lower Merion High School because everyone loves you.”
I touch her cheek with my thumb, feeling her silky smooth skin. “Even you?”
She turns her head away.
“Answer me,” I demand.
She snorts. “When you answer my question, I’ll answer yours.”
Frustrated, I release my grip on her face and drop my hand to the floor. “I guess we’re at a stalemate.”
I’m not ready to reveal why I left after high school. The information could ruin my professional hockey career.
“The fact you have something to hide makes me want to know even more,” she admits.
“Which is why I won’t tell you. My life isn’t something for you to report to the world.”
“You should know me well enough by now. I would never do that to you.”
I can’t take the risk with Mia working for The Philadelphia Inquirer. She could tell Clarke and think nothing of it. I know she would never hurt me on purpose, but some things are better left in the past.
“I know you wouldn’t. Can we forget about the past and think about the future instead?”
“We don’t have a future,” she spits back. “Once Will finds out about us, he’ll end it.”
I move her to the floor next to me and sit up, folding one leg over the other. “I’d like to see him stop me. Will might have some say in your life, but he has zero in mine.”
“We both know that’s not true. Will is your best friend. He’s our family.”
“Herein lies my dilemma. I’ve been thinking all day about how I can be with you without hurting my best friend. He’s like my brother. But I can’t ignore how I feel about you.”
“Neither can I,” she confesses. “So, what do we do now?”
I shrug. “I have no idea. The other day, Will flat-out asked me if I liked you, and I lied to his face. I hate doing this to him. He deserves to know.”
“I agree.” Mia lets out a small puff of air, blowing a piece of hair before her eyes.
She pushes it away with her finger and continues, “I don’t want to ruin your friendship with my brother.
I love him too much to do that to him. Will would be just as lost without you as you would be without him.
He was a mess after you left. We both were.
I don’t want to see him like that ever again. ”
“How do you think I felt? I never wanted to leave either of you. For the longest time, Mia, you were my something good.”
“You were always mine,” she whispers. “You still are, even though I hate to admit it. I waited years for you to kiss me. I used to sit on the swing next to you and hope that just once, you would pull me into your arms and kiss me.”
I grab her by the hips and move her onto my lap. She slides her arm across the back of my neck. When I cup her cheek, she closes her eyes and moans.
She wants this as much as I do.
We both need this.
So, I kiss her like it’s the last time I’ll ever touch her. I kiss her as if she’s my last breath. Most of all, I kiss her goodbye. Because after what I did last night, I know I have to stay away from Mia. She’s another drug I need to kick.