Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
MATTEO
“I was drunk on her. Lost in lust. Under her spell.” - Julian Hart, Painted Inferno
Pulling up to a red light, I push my foot on the brake, turning my head to look at Jade. We won tonight and I can’t help but wonder if I did something wrong instead. She’s been damn near silent since Lucy gave me a dirty look and left us alone after the game.
We’re ten minutes from her apartment and she hasn’t said more than a dozen words to me.
“Sunny,” I say, my voice catching in my throat. My stomach is in knots. “What’s going on? Did something happen?”
The muscle in her jaw tightens. “Everything’s fine.”
“Bullshit,” I shake my head, refusing to accept her answer. I stare at her, even when the light turns green, and she still doesn’t look at me. She just stares blankly through the windshield.
I’m still staring at her, my wrist draped over the steering wheel with my body angled toward her. A horn sounds from the car behind us. “Fuck,” I mutter, glancing in my rearview mirror before grabbing the wheel with both hands.
I turn it to the right, onto a street I didn’t plan on going down, pulling my car into the parking lot at the park right down the road from the stadium.
“What are you doing?” Jade’s eyebrows draw together and she looks fucking pissed as she turns to look at me. “Take me home, Matteo.”
“No,” I say, putting the car in park and killing the engine. I turn to look at her. “Not until you tell me what is wrong.”
“Oh my gosh,” she breathes, rolling her eyes as she shakes her head. “You’re acting like such a spoiled little brat.” She sets her jaw, turning to look at me. “Didn’t get your way so you’re throwing a temper tantrum?”
What the hell? Where is this even coming from?
“No, it’s not a temper tantrum, Sunny,” I huff, shaking my head at her. “This is what it looks like when someone fucking cares. When someone knows something is wrong and they want to know what it is so they can fix it.”
She stares back at me, blinking. “What?”
“Everything was fine before the game and now… you’re icing me out.” My face contorts, my stomach rolling. “What’s going on?”
Her throat bobs as she swallows hard. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
My stomach falls to the fucking floor. “What do you mean?”
“This!” She waves her arms, frustration and hurt laced in her voice. “You were right when you said things would change after we slept together. They did and I don’t like it.”
I stare at her, a heaviness settling on my chest. “You don’t like it.”
She blows out a breath. “I don’t like being another name on your list. People saw us in public and now I just look like a goddamn fool, falling for your shit like every other woman you get involved with.”
I drag a hand down my face. “What the hell are you talking about, Sunny? You are not another name on my list.”
“You just like the chase,” she says, her voice monotone as if the words are rehearsed. “As soon as things start to feel real, you bail.”
My breath catches. “You think I’m going to bail?
You think I fucked you and that was enough for me?
” My chest expands. “Sunny baby,” I murmur, reaching for her.
She doesn’t stop me as I cup the side of her face.
Instead, she leans into me, her eyes falling shut.
“I don’t think that was ever going to be enough. ”
Her eyelids flutter open and they grow wide as she stares back at me. “What?”
“I’m fucked,” I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what we’re doing. All I know is I don’t want to keep pretending that I don’t want this with you.”
I can’t say the words. If I speak them out loud, that makes them real. And once they’re out in the open, there’s no way I can take them back.
She stares back at me, gazing directly into my soul. That’s where she resides now. There was me before her and this is me after. I’ll never be the same, not when I know that my heart belongs to her.
“What are you saying?” she whispers, her eyes slowly searching mine.
“I broke the one rule we had.” I give her an apologetic smile. Her nostrils flare. “I caught feelings.”
“I—” She pauses, the words failing on her lips. “Don’t say things you don’t mean, Matteo.”
I tilt my head, giving it a swift shake as I purse my lips. “Why do you think I don’t mean it? Why would I say it to you if I didn’t?”
She rolls her lips between her teeth. “There was a group of women at the bar tonight.” She swallows audibly. “I overheard them talking about you.”
I inhale deeply, straightening my head as I close my eyes for a second. “What were they saying?”
“How you’re such a player. How you’re with different women all the time.” She lets out a sigh. “One of them saw us at the charity gala and said I’ll be gone in a week.”
Anger pricks my skin. “Who were these women?”
Jade shrugs. “Fans, I guess.”
I lift my other hand to cup both sides of her face, shoving away the anger that flicks at my veins.
“Jade. They were complete strangers. Delusional women. They don’t know me, or you, or us.
” I pause, the muscle in my jaw tightening.
“I know I have a track record that doesn’t look good, but things are different with you.
I swear to fucking god, it’s never been like this with anyone else. ”
She’s silent for a second. “But what if you get bored? What if you decide you want someone different? Something new and exciting.”
My heart sinks at her words. “Oh, Sunny baby,” I murmur, shaking my head at her. “I’ll never want anyone different. Out of all the people on this planet, you’re the one who’s got my heart.”
Tears well in her eyes and a shallow breath escapes her lips. “Matteo…”
She deserves to know the truth, even if it leaves me completely exposed.
“I’m in love with you, Sunny.” I let out a soft laugh, in disbelief that I just spoke those goddamn words. “And that’s something I’ll never be sorry for.”
Her lips part as if she’s going to say something, but instead, she closes the space between us, leaning over the center console and her lips find mine.
She kisses me with tenderness that used to feel safe, but now almost feels as if she’s saying goodbye. Her lips move with mine, sweet and slow, before we break apart.
“I don’t trust easily,” I whisper, leaning my forehead against hers as my eyes close.
“My parents… they had a rough start. I was unplanned and unexpected. My mom couldn’t reach my father after discovering she was pregnant.
We went five years without him knowing.” I pause, letting out a sigh. “I blamed my mom for a long time.”
“They’re together now, right?”
“Yeah,” I say, my voice still quiet. “They’ve been together since I was five and they’re still so in love.
So much that I almost thought it was all a facade, like my father was constantly trying to make up for lost time.
” I swallow over the lump lodged in my throat. “I didn’t understand it until you.”
She inhales sharply, her eyes flashing to mine as she pulls away. She searches my face, as if she’s searching for some hidden lie. A hidden agenda I’m not sharing with her.
Guess I’m not the only one afraid to let someone in.
My chest constricts as the silence wraps around us. I can’t force her to say anything. Hell, I don’t even know what I’d want her to say. I can see the hesitation in her expression. The things those women said are still in the back of her mind.
And I need to find a way to erase them.
“Do you want me to take you home?”
She shakes her head, igniting a spark of hope inside my chest. “Can I go back to your place instead?”
“Yeah?” I ask her, almost in disbelief.
A ghost of a smile dances across her lips. “Yeah.”