12. Sawyer
SAWYER
It’s ten in the morning on a Saturday when I walk into Chestnut Roasters. The place is packed. I order an iced blueberry lavender latte and find a table in the back, away from the door and prying eyes. I’ve lived in this small town most of my life, and while it’s home, it’s also full of gossips.
What am I doing? The kids are at Jocelyn’s. I should be at Raven’s getting started on her list for today, but I panicked and texted the moms for help.
Bella, Summer, and Lucy enter minutes later, and once they order their drinks and join me, I opt for honesty. “I need your help. Nothing I’m doing is working with Raven.”
“What are you doing?” asks Lucy.
“I’ve been doing some reading for ideas,” I admit.
Summer leans forward in her seat. “Romance novels?”
“Yeah, the one I’m reading is really good.”
“We can suggest more,” Lucy says.
“Actually, I don’t think Raven would go for that. She didn’t seem to like our good girl stories, remember?” Bella says.
“I think she doesn’t want us to know how much she secretly likes them,” Summer says.
“So I should keep reading them?”
Summer’s eyes light up. “Get her to talk about kissing.”
“What?”
“She once told me this whole thing about how kissing is subjective due to all these different factors. Get her talking about that. If you keep poking at her enough, I bet she’ll tell you exactly how she likes to be kissed.”
“How would that possibly come up in conversation?”
“Stare at her lips until she takes the hint. The men in those books always stare at the heroine’s lips. That’s how you know they want to kiss you,” Bella says, slurping the last of her iced coffee.
“She’s gonna think I’m having a stroke if I do that.”
Lucy laughs. “He’s not wrong.”
Fuck, this is humiliating. “Look, I told you I’m not good at dating. Women are like a foreign language I’ve never mastered.”
“Raven’s spent her whole life taking care of everyone.
She lost her parents young and practically raised RJ.
Then she lost her husband. And she’s raising two children on her own, one of which has special needs.
It’s a lot. Don’t think of her like she’s women.
Think of her as one woman. Men always think women are so complicated to understand, but we’re really not.
Your mistake is assuming we all want the same thing.
Men have different needs and desires. So do women.
You need to focus on her. Get her talking, and then listen,” Summer says.
Lucy takes a sip of her coffee, then adds, “And when you listen, you have to take action. Mike said a lot of really nice things to me when we first started talking, but what sealed it for me was how he followed through. He saw how exhausted I was dealing with the boys, so he cleaned up my kitchen and living room while I put the boys to bed. Not because I told him to, but because he listened to my words and took action. And then he kept doing that on repeat. That’s how I knew I could trust him. ”
“Yeah, but he’s always been like that. He’s the most dependable guy on my crew. I’ve never heard anyone say a bad word about him.”
Summer looks around the table. “And we’ve never heard any of our guys complain about you. So whoever put these ideas in your head that you’re not good enough can touch grass.”
Bella holds up a hand. “Also, you’re an excellent parent. Lucy and I’ve had both of your kids, and you’re a teacher’s dream parent. You show up for every event, you’re supportive of your kids, and you reply to emails quickly.”
Lucy nods. “Agreed. I’ve seen the way you advocate for your kids. That’s what Raven needs, someone who’ll advocate for her and her needs.”
I stare at my coffee. There are a handful of things I know to be true about myself: I’m an excellent father, I’m a damn good fire chief, and I’m decent with my hands.
But for the last fifteen years of my life, all I heard was that I was a terrible person from the woman I vowed to make a life with.
I tried my best, but sometimes when there are too many balls in the air, I can’t juggle them all, and then I freeze, overanalyzing which one to prioritize.
And I never seemed to get it right with her.
“My follow-through is terrible. I’m constantly forgetting things, even when I want to remember them. I feel so scattered sometimes, like I give my everything all day at work, and when I come home, my well is empty, so I go into survival mode.”
Bella looks at my coffee, furrowing her brow. “Do you drink those every day?”
“Not usually. Caffeine doesn’t really do much for me. I just like the way this tastes.” I take a sip.
“You should bring Raven coffee,” Summer suggests. “We know what she likes.”
“I don’t think one coffee will be enough to crack her shell.”
“It’ll show her that you took the time to find out what she likes,” Summer says. “She needs to see what value you add to her life. She doesn’t need a white knight to come rescue her.”
I release a heavy sigh. “I’m willing to put in the work, but I’m worried she won’t see my worth.”
“That’s where we come in,” Lucy says.
Summer grins. “Don’t worry, we have something plotted out just for her. You just need to do your part.”
“I dunno if I like the sound of that.”
——————
I climb the porch steps quickly, a renewed sense of purpose filling me as I use my knuckle to ring the doorbell.
The door swings open. “Why are you ringing the doorbell?” Raven’s hand is propped on her hip as she eyes the coffees in my hands.
“Hands were full.” I push past her toward the kitchen, wishing I could casually brush her shoulder when I pass, but I refrain since touch is a trigger for her.
She hasn’t seemed to mind the few other times I’ve touched her, but I don’t want to press my luck.
No, I want her to eventually beg me to touch her.
Not the time to be thinking dirty thoughts, man.
I set the coffees down on the counter, gesturing for her to grab one.
She eyes them suspiciously. “Let me guess. You got me the purple one, assuming I must like purple because I’m a girl. Do you know how ignorant that is?”
Smiling, I grab the purple coffee, taking a big sip as I turn the other cup around so she can see her name on it. “I asked Sandy at Chestnut Roasters for your usual.”
“Oh.” She takes a sip of the coffee, closing her eyes and turning away as if she doesn’t want me to see her enjoyment.
“Knock, knock!” a voice calls out from the front door.
“Bella. Sorry, was I expecting you?” Raven says as Bella joins us in the kitchen.
“Nope. Saw this guy at Chestnut Roasters and thought I’d pop by. See if you need a hand.”
“We’re fin—”
“If you wanna take the kids for a playdate, I need to use the saw, and Jonah doesn’t like the loud noises,” I say, cutting Raven off.
Bella grins, and I bite my cheek to prevent my smile, knowing this was the plan the whole time. “I’d be happy to.”
Raven turns to Bella. “Are you sure?”
“Positive. I’m meeting up with Lucy and her boys at the park.” Bella waves a hand as she disappears upstairs.
“Well, that was…” Raven trails off. I can’t decipher the look on her face. Is she mad? Relieved?
“Sorry if I overstepped.”
She takes a sip of her coffee, and my pulse quickens as I wait for her to speak. “It’s not a problem. I need to write anyway.”
“What are you working on? A scathing exposé on small-town life in Chestnut Mountain?”
The tiniest smile flashes on her cheek, causing a small laugh line to flicker in her skin. “Something like that.”
“Well, that’s not cryptic as fuck. Can’t wait to read it.”
Her eyes shoot to mine. “You’re not really my target audience.”
“I read the paper. You write for the Chestnut Mountain Gazette, right?”
“I also freelance for other online sources and magazines.”
“You ever write any books? I’ve seen plenty of journalists get into that.”
Jonah rushes into the kitchen before Raven has a chance to answer. “We’re going to the park so I can’t help you today.”
“No problem, little man. Next time.”
“Don’t do all the painting without me,” he says as he rushes over to pull on his shoes.
“I promise!” I call as he runs after McKenna and Bella, the door slamming behind him.
Throwing back the last of my coffee, I toss the cup in the trash and head for the stairs.
“Where are you going?”
I turn back to Raven. “I’m going to finish framing the wall between Jonah’s bedroom and bathroom. Might be kinda loud, so I hope you have earplugs.”
She waves me off as she walks over to her desk, sinking into her chair.
When I open the door to Jonah’s room, I gasp. “Raven! Come here!”
Seconds later, she’s stomping down the hall toward me as I lean against the doorframe, blocking Jonah’s room.
“What is it?” she huffs. “Need me to kill a spider for you?”
“You flinched too.” I point a finger at her.
She rolls her eyes. “Get on with it. I need to get back to writing.”
“Does Jonah normally arrange his room like this?” I ask, stepping aside so she can peer inside.
Several chairs are stacked on top of each other on the bed. Next to it, a small bookshelf is on top of the nightstand with all the books still neatly in place. In the corner, a toy bin has several vehicles stacked into a tower.
“No. He normally lines up his toys. I’ve never seen him do this.” She steps into the room, looking around.
“Really? Are you roping the kids into your pranks now? Because this is like a scene straight out of Poltergeist.”
Her head whips to mine. “You’re telling me you didn’t do this?”
“When would I have had time? I literally just came up here and found this.”
She narrows her eyes, folding her arms over her chest.
“Maybe it’s—”
“Don’t finish that sent—”
“Ghosts.”
“Moron.”
“Then how do you explain this?” I gesture around the room.
“I’ve got work to do,” she says as she turns and disappears down the stairs.
A scream startles me minutes later, and I race downstairs to find Raven clutching her chest in the kitchen. “What’s wrong?”
“This was a good one,” she pants. “I don’t know how you pulled it off.”