Chapter 11 #2
“We were leading up to New York Fashion Week, so work was crazy. Marcus was unveiling his first-ever bridal collection and everything had to be perfect. I worked backstage at the event, and I could hardly see a thing. I had so much to organise and so many people relying on me, the whole show’s success was riding on my getting every cue perfect, solving every disaster, and finding every missing accessory.
Ashley called my name, and I stumbled toward her through shadows and gloom and crashed into a model wearing an eight-foot-high headdress.
Luckily, she managed to steady herself before she fell and ruined the outfit, but I couldn’t stop shaking.
I’d never done something so stupid before.
It was like I was on drugs. I thought maybe one of the other interns had roofied my drink.
Ashley kept telling me it was just an accident, but that was it…
I didn’t see her. Even when I hit her, I couldn’t see her body. And I should have seen her.”
A single tear rolls down her cheek. Fuck. I would do anything so that Mina didn’t have to cry, especially not over this, not over part of herself. I hate feeling helpless. I hate it when people I care about are hurt, and I can’t do anything.
I hate it even more that Mina has been in our lives for two days, and I already care about her.
Morrie wants her because he wants to fuck everything with legs.
Quoth wants her because he’s lonely. But I’m the most wretched of us because I see myself in her.
Half of my heart tore from my chest the day I fell from my book into this world, and Mina can make me whole.
But she won’t choose me. She’ll never choose me.
Grimalkin jumps into Mina’s lap and curls up, her body vibrating with an intense purr.
Mina strokes her silky fur. It’s one of those laws of nature – if a cat sits on your lap, you can’t stop yourself from petting it.
Mina squeezes her eyes shut and continues.
“I went to an optometrist, and she referred me to a specialist ophthalmologist. After some more tests and things, I got my diagnosis – retinitis pigmentosa.”
“And that is?”
“A breakdown of cells in the retina,” says Morrie the know-it-all. “As the retina degenerates, patients suffer loss of night and peripheral vision.”
“Are you a doctor, too?” Mina sounds surprised.
“I’ve dabbled.”
“Well, you’re right. It’s a genetic condition, so as well as my tiny nose and mousy hair, I’ve inherited these delightful genes from my parents.
No one in my mum’s family has the condition, and she doesn’t have any contact with my father so we don’t know anything about his side.
The specialist said mine’s quite a rare form of RP that may accelerate at any time.
There’s nothing I can do about it and there’s no cure.
He says that…” Mina sucks in a breath. “That I’ll eventually go completely blind. ”
From the way her eyes grow large and she braces herself, I know she’s expecting some kind of reaction from us. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel, but I know what I do feel.
Rage.
Pure, raw hatred for the cruel gods who want to take away something from this woman, and for the world that isn’t made for people like her.
Fierce, wild fury that Mina has been made to feel that anything about herself is something to be hated or feared.
I know what it is to feel helpless and alone, to have a part of you torn away and to have to figure out how to live without it. And I know too, what it is to be told over and over that everything about you is a stain on the world.
“Shite.” I spit the word, my body vibrating with rage. Outside, the rain pelts the windows, as though when Mina cries, the world cries alongside her.
“That’s a bloody shame, gorgeous,” Morrie says.
Quoth says nothing.
Mina sucks in a breath. She looks a little stronger.
We must’ve passed the test. “The first thing I did was call Ashley. She came straight over with a bottle of bourbon, and we finished it off that night. I got completely maggoted and cried a lot. All I’d wanted my whole life was to be a fashion designer, but how can I do that if I can’t even see?
Ashley convinced me that it wasn’t all bad.
It might be twenty years or more before I go completely blind.
It might never happen. She thought I should keep pursuing fashion and fuck anyone if they tried to stop me.
I’d never loved her so much as I did that night.
“I woke up the next morning with a new sense of determination. Ashley was right. I wouldn’t let what might one day be destroy my dreams today – and that started immediately.
I went to work hungover but with a bounce in my step, and worked my arse off until well after sunset.
Marcus stopped by our desks to say the show had been a success, and he’d be giving us our performance reviews the next day, as well as announcing who got the permanent job on his team.
Ashley and I went out for a drink that night, and we both talked about how we’d be happy for the other person if they got it, but I could tell from the way she was looking at me that she knew I was going to get it.
I bought all her drinks that night because she’d been such a good friend, and now I was going to get this amazing job she really wanted. It was the least I could do.
“At work the next day, we waited outside Marcus’ office. He called us in one by one like he was a school principal and we were naughty children. My head throbbed from the drinking, but I was too excited to care.
“Marcus called me in, and I perched on his La Corbusier recliner, launching into a speech I prepared about how honoured I was to work with him and how I’d do him proud.
Marcus looked pained. ‘I’m sorry, Mina,’ he said.
He clasped his hands on his lap. ‘You’ve worked so hard this year, and you have a real flair for design.
I think you have amazing potential, but I’ve decided to give the job to Ashley. ’
“I couldn’t believe it. The words didn’t make sense.
I asked him why. ‘The fashion world is shallow, and it demands nothing less than perfection. It’s sad, but that’s fashion.
I just can’t have someone on my staff who’s going blind.
You would be a liability. What if you fell off the runway prepping for a show?
What if you cut a garment wrong? My silks are handmade by cloistered nuns in Tibet. They’re priceless.’
“‘I’ve been looking at ways to adapt,’ I said. ‘It’s really not as difficult as you think—’
“Marcus shook his head. ‘I really am sorry. You’re not able to work in fashion. Here or anywhere. It’s just not possible.’ He turned back to his drawing board, indicating that was the end of the conversation. I sat frozen in the chair, and finally willed my feet to move. I couldn’t… I just didn’t—”
“That’s discrimination.” Morrie’s hands curl into fists at his sides. His voice is low, dangerous. “You could take that bastard to court. I’ll help with your case.”
Both Morrie and I know that he has no desire to take Marcus Ribald to court. He has much more nefarious plans in mind.
“He should not be allowed to do that,” Quoth adds.
“I’ll gut the bastard,” I growl.
“I like that idea.” Morrie beams. “Or, even better, before we gut him, we’ll blackmail him into giving you the job. I’m skilled at digging up nasty secrets from the past that people don’t want to be made public. I bet this guy has a mistress. Or hey, I wager Marcus Ribald isn’t even his real name.”
“Of course it’s not his real name, and it doesn’t matter.
Marcus is right. How can I work in fashion if I can’t even see the clothes?
How can I do runway shows when I can’t see in the dark?
” Mina slumps down in the chair. “It was stupid for me to even consider continuing. But I could have hidden it for a bit longer. I could have had the best job of my life if Ashley hadn’t told Marcus about my eyes. ”
“That’s just one fool’s opinion,” Morrie says.
“One dead fool,” I add.
“I bet if you sent your resume around to some different fashion houses, you’ll find—”
“I tried. Ashley and Marcus blabbed it to the entire fashion community. He flat-out told me he wouldn’t give me a positive reference.
Which is a total dick move, but Ashley was worse.
She pretended she did it all out of concern for me.
She said she was worried about me after the accident at the show.
She just wanted Marcus to know so he could help me.
But there was a glint in her eye that I’ve seen too many times before.
She planned it as soon as she heard to take me out of the running.
The way she was looking at me the night before – it wasn’t envy, it was pity.
” Mina scratches Grimalkin under the chin.
“That’s my story. Now you know why I hate Ashley, and that’s why I’m back in Argleton.
I’ve spent the last four years of my life working toward a career that’s now out of my reach.
I wanted to be a fashion designer since I was eleven.
I don’t know who I am without my eyes. I don’t—”
A loud crash sounds downstairs, followed by a low moan, and the thud of the door slamming shut. Grimalkin bolts up, her ears pricked.
“What’s that?”
“I bet it’s Heathcliff’s unhoused friend, looking for a warm place to crash.
” Morrie goes to the window and draws back the curtains just as a jolt of lightning arcs across the sky.
The rain is coming down so hard that it’s difficult to make out the street below.
“He probably saw Mina enter and realised the shop was unlocked.”
“Well, if you hadn’t left the front door open, he wouldn’t have been able to invite himself in,” I point out.
“You’re the one who makes him feel welcome here,” Morrie insists. “If I owned this place, I’d pay him a wage to work here, earn an honest living, and I’d make him shower.”
How dare he tell me who I can and can’t associate with? Just because Earl doesn’t have nice clothes doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve friends and shelter and human decency.
“You were the one who invited guests after closing,” I shoot back. “We never have guests after closing. Now you’ll have to go down and shoo him back outside.”
“I’m not going anywhere near him,” Morrie looks aghast. “Not in my second-favourite waistcoat. He’s your smelly friend. You go.”
Mina stands up. “I’ll go, if my being here is a problem—”
“Sit your arse down.” I glare at the world’s foremost criminal mastermind.
“Morrie, get Mina some tea. Can’t you see she’s upset?
Quoth, deal with whatever’s going on downstairs.
If it’s Earl, he can have the sofa in the Natural History room if he wants to kip here, as long as he’s gone before opening.
If it’s someone else, make them go away without bothering me.
I’m not moving – I’ve found the perfect arm groove on the mantle here, and I’m not losing it for anything. ”
With a silent nod, Quoth ducks away to investigate. He’ll be grateful for the chance to leave. I can tell Mina’s story has upset him, as it has me. But when I’m upset, I break things, and when Quoth’s upset, he turns into a raven in front of people, so it makes sense for him to be elsewhere.
And I want Morrie to leave so I can talk to Mina alone, but for all Morrie’s smarts, he can be as dim as the LED lightbulbs Quoth brought off the internet in the hopes of lowering our power bill.
Morrie shuffles into the kitchen, finally leaving me alone with Mina. I stare down at this woman – this remarkable, fascinating woman who has bulldozed her way into my life and my heart – and my throat tightens from all the things I want to say to her, but can’t because they will reveal our secret.
“You’re better than this place,” I whisper.
“Excuse me?”
“If all else remains, but something or someone you love is annihilated, the universe turns to a mighty stranger. I thought for so long pain like that could ruin the soul, but now I understand torment is not forever.”
I’m babbling, searching for words. I’ve never been good at this talking thing. Mina blinks, her eyelashes tangling together.
“Thank you,” she whispers back. “Right now, I can’t see an end, pun intended. No matter how happy I feel in a moment, I still drag around this heavy weight. I don’t know how to let it go.”
“We all drop our weights on the threshold of this shop. I know you loved Nevermore because of what it meant to you as a girl, and I see you’re already in love again.”
I wish you could love me the way you love this shop.
But I’m happy you’re here.
Even though I’m not good at showing it.
Her face brightens a little. “I didn’t think you were even listening to me.”
How can I not listen to you when you’re the heart beating in my chest?
“I always listen, Mina,” I growl. “I am—”
“Oh, shite!” comes a yell from downstairs. “Guys, you’d better come quick.”
“What’s that wanker done now?” I bolt for the stairs, then turn back when I remember that Mina will struggle with them in the dark. But Morrie gets to her first, extending a hand to her, his eyes glinting with mischief. Jealousy surges in my chest.
But Mina waves his hand away. “I’m fine.” She slides her hands down the wall and feels for the stair treads with her feet.
I race ahead, wanting to get there first in case it was something we needed to shield Mina from. Quoth wouldn’t yell like that unless something was seriously wrong.
Quoth stands on the first-floor landing, his skin paler than usual, his gaze downcast to a lumpy object sprawled at his feet.
No, not an object. A person.
I let out a string of the most imaginative curse words I know as I take in the fancy, stylish clothing, the handbag covered in blood, and the features I recognise from earlier today. I fix on the knife handle sticking out of her back.
It’s Mina’s ex-friend, Ashley, and she’s been murdered in my shop.
Fuck.