Chapter 35
Heathcliff
Irub at the bloodstains on my shirt. Mina leans against the desk. I feel her eyes burning into me. She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t need to.
I study the rug. In the corner is the pile of horse poop from Peaches, with Hayes’ bootprint in the centre. For once, the smell doesn’t drive me to violence. Instead, I feel a stab of fondness for the knight.
Brave Sir Heathcliff.
I snort. Lancelot doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Using your fists against an enemy isn’t bravery. Bravery is this moment right here.
I don’t know if I have it in me to be brave.
Mina clears her throat.
“Mina…” I whip my head up. There she is, those amber eyes wide, those beautiful lips turned down, her skin covered in blood.
She’s still reeling from Darren’s attack, but she’s trying not to show it.
And I hate that. I don’t want her to pretend in front of me.
I want all her walls down. I want to be the place where she can be truly herself, even if she is feeling monstrous and cruel or broken or ugly.
And I guess… I guess if I want to be that place for her, I have to allow her to be that for me.
I can’t look into her eyes a moment longer. I’m not brave enough. I stare at a spot behind her shoulder. “About the other day—”
“You mean when you kissed me?” Her voice is breathy, tinged with sadness. “You can say it, you know. I’m not a prude.”
“Yes, well,” I mutter. “I was wrong.”
“The mighty Heathcliff admits he was wrong. Well, what were you wrong about?”
“I was wrong to kiss an employee.” I was wrong. That wasn’t so hard to admit. But this next part… “Now, you answer me something. If I weren’t your boss, what would it mean then?”
Mina’s lips form an O of surprise. The air between us thins. My breath catches as she steps towards me. And I imagine pulling her into me and crushing her lips in mine and kissing her until she knows how truly sorry I am.
Instead, I do what I always do. I snarl and pull away. “It is not something we should think of.”
She tilts her head to the side. “You seem as though you’re thinking of it right now.”
I am. I’m thinking of so many wrong and filthy things.
But I’m not Moriarty. I don’t want your body without your soul, without your heart.
But maybe, if the birdie’s idea works, if you’re still happy to be here with the three of us, then I can learn to be the kind of man who is worthy of all of you. “Infuriating woman.”
She grins, and if there has been anything in the world that can melt the ice around my heart, it is that grin. “If you have a problem with me, then you should fire me.”
“I should fire you,” I growl. “Come upstairs and have a glass of wine with us.”
She beams wider. She holds out her hand, and I take it. Her fingers in mine are tiny, and warm, and fit as if they were made for me. As if she and I are part of the same person. All the rough edges of her fit perfectly against mine. “You’re on.”
Maybe I’m not ready to be truly brave yet. Maybe there are too many things I still have to figure out, about this world outside of my book and how I fit into it and the man I get to be. But this, right here, hand in hand with Mina, is a good start.