Chapter 40
I couldn’t say I didn’t regret leaving Elil alive, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Even if the need for revenge was a sharp tang in my mouth. His crown, my mother’s mirror…magic wasn’t dead, and we needed to find out more about it before we could understand what was really going on.
It was the same reason Elil hadn’t killed my mother.
The magic was tied to her.
‘Are you okay?’
I turned to Parisar. We were sitting around the fire while Weylei cooked. We had hiked south for a day and a half until we felt we were far enough away to chance taking a rest. I’d expected a thundering horde of riders to come after us, but none had. Were they letting us go?
‘I’m as okay as I can be,’ I replied.
Parisar searched my face, his brow furrowed in concern.
‘Do you want to go back for your mother?’
I sighed. I did, but I also knew we would be fools to even try it. If she wasn’t already dead—and I didn’t think she was—then they would be expecting us to attempt to save her. We would be walking into a trap.
I shook my head. ‘No. We’re doing the right thing.’
We had discussed it as we’d run. I had to go home and claim the throne. Our kingdom was currently leaderless, and if I didn’t step into the role, then someone else would. Someone who was our enemy, or someone who didn’t understand that we were now at war.
‘Is there anything else you need to know?’ Parisar asked. ‘I’ll tell you everything.’
When Elil’s crown cracked, the last vestiges of his control over me had disappeared. My memories had come back, not in a flood, but in flashes, like pieces of a puzzle that eventually made the complete picture. I remembered Tain and Cor and Sim. I remembered Weylei teaching me to cook, and I remembered Zeyr and how he spent most of his time avoiding me. The memories of my time in the woods with them, the way Breust had befriended me…and then betrayed me. It all came back to me.
‘I do have one question,’ I said.
‘Ask it,’ he said, his eyes not leaving mine.
‘What happened between us?’
Parisar leaned back in surprise. ‘Uh…’
‘I don’t mean the kiss,’ I said off-handedly, my mind going back further than that. ‘We were friends. You were my best friend. What happened? Why did you suddenly hate me?’
Parisar frowned. ‘You were the one who suddenly hated me,’ he said.
‘What?’
He nodded, still frowning. ‘One day we were friends, and the next…the next you didn’t want anything to do with me.’
I started to shake my head slowly. ‘That’s not how I remember it,’ I said. ‘I overheard you. You told your father you thought I was an idiot and you wished you didn’t have to have anything to do with me.’
Parisar drew back in alarm. ‘What?’
I narrowed my eyes at him. ‘Do you deny it?’
‘I absolutely deny it. I never said such a thing.’
‘You did. I heard it. It was after the midsummer festival. We’d spent the day together, visiting all the stalls. After you brought me back to the palace, I remembered the gift I’d bought for you. I’d forgotten to give it to you, so I went after you, trying to catch you before you left the estate. When I caught up with you, you were talking to your father, and you were saying what a chore it was to be around me.’
Parisar was shaking his head, his eyes unfocussed as he tried to recall the conversation. He paused, and his eyes widened before he laughed.
I frowned at him. He was laughing? I crossed my arms and turned away.
‘Snow,’ he said, still laughing but managing to get it under control so he could speak. ‘Snow, I wasn’t talking about you.’
I swung back to face him. ‘What?’
‘Don’t you remember who else was with us that day?’
I thought back. My memories had been filled with Parisar and the day that had been the happiest in my short life until I’d heard what he said.
‘Felice.’
‘Felice,’ I repeated and then screwed my face up. ‘Felice? You were talking about Felice?’
Parisar nodded, mirth in his eyes. ‘Don’t you remember how much of a pest she was that day?’
Felice. I hadn’t thought about Felice in years. She was at one time my friend, but only because we’d been thrown together through circumstance. She was the daughter of a noble, and we had spent a lot of our younger years together, but she and her family had disappeared from the court. I hadn’t liked her much, and now that I looked back we’d been more frenemies than friends. I hadn’t given her much thought since her family moved away.
‘What happened to her?’
‘Her father was discovered to have been stockpiling medicinal ingredients and then selling them at a higher price when there was an outbreak.’
‘What?’
He nodded. ‘Your father expelled them from court. You don’t remember?’
I shook my head. ‘I remember the outbreak. Of course I do. I helped my mother prepare the food baskets. But I completely forgot about Felice. I had no idea her father did that.’
Parisar turned to me and rested his hands on my shoulders. ‘So that is why you stopped talking to me? Because you overheard what I said about Felice and thought I was talking about you?’
My cheeks flushed.
‘Why didn’t you confront me?’ he asked, his voice soft.
‘I was too embarrassed,’ I admitted, my eyes falling away from his. ‘I thought you liked me. I liked you, and we’d had the best day, and then I heard what you said, and with what your father said—’
‘Hang on. What? What did my father say?’
‘He said I was a porcelain vase that wasn’t fit for purpose,’ I replied, my back stiff as I turned away from him.
Parisar turned me back to face him. ‘He said what?’
‘He was coming from a meeting with my father, and he said I couldn’t be trusted to carry out my duties.’
Parisar sighed and tilted his head to the side as he looked at me. ‘You have to admit—’
I wrenched out of his grasp and stood, intending to stomp away in one of my infamous temper tantrums, but he stopped me. His hand on my wrist was gentle but firm.
‘Snow,’ he said softly.
I didn’t turn around, but I waited. I wasn’t angry because what he said was untrue, but because he was right. I hadn’t taken any interest in my role as crown princess. I was angry at myself for being wilfully ignorant. Maybe if I had taken more interest, we could have seen this situation coming. Maybe if I—
‘Snow,’ he said again, stepping closer to me, his chest pressed against my back and his arms snaking around my waist to hold me close. ‘None of this is your fault.’
‘How—’
‘I know you.’ His breath was hot against my neck, and I closed my eyes, relaxing back against him. ‘You are not to blame. King Cronin, Elil and Querencia are the villains in this story. Not you, not your mother, and not your father. You need to remember that.’
I turned in his arms and tilted my head up to his. ‘Does that make you the hero?’ I asked.
He smiled softly and lifted his hand to brush the hair off my forehead. ‘No, I’m not the hero. You are.’
I wasn’t a hero. I had done nothing heroic. I had been dragged along, at the mercy of everything that had happened to me. I had not done a single thing to warrant being the hero of my own story.
‘Not yet,’ I said, self-pity falling away as resolve straightened my spine.
Parisar raised an eyebrow in question.
‘I am not the hero…yet. But I intend to be.’
His smile lit his entire face, and something inside me burst into flame. Before I knew what I was doing, I was on my toes, and my lips were against his.
Parisar didn’t hesitate. He gathered me close and kissed me back. We should be doing a million other things right at that moment, but none of it mattered. This kiss was everything; a beginning, an ending, and all the things in-between. Going forward, neither one of us would be the same, and neither would our relationship.
I broke the kiss and looked into the grey eyes that had turned dark, devouring me.
‘My queen,’ he whispered.
Queen. I was the queen.
My chin dipped, but Parisar’s finger was there, lifting it back up.
‘Do not bow your head, My Queen,’ he said, his voice rough. ‘You don’t want your crown to slip.’
I blinked at him. The weight of the non-existent crown on my head was tangible. I was the queen, and the fate of Eudaimonia rested with that crown. If that crown slipped, then so would the kingdom.
I swallowed and nodded.
‘You’re not alone,’ he whispered and then looked to the makeshift camp.
I took in the ragtag bunch. They hadn’t liked me at first and had resented my presence among them. I couldn’t blame them. I had been that vase on the shelf, unfit for purpose. But not now. I may not be everything I needed to be, but I now knew who I wanted to be. And these were the people who’d helped me realise it.
I looked back at Parisar, and he smiled. Whatever happened next, these six people would be by my side. I would make it worth it.