Chapter 24 #3
Altan was not lapsing when he smoked opium. No—smoking opium was the only time when he was not in pain. He had lived his entire life in perpetual pain, always longing to have another dose.
She had never understood how horrendously difficult it was to be Altan Trengsin, to live under the strain of a furious god constantly screaming for destruction in the back of his mind, while an indifferent narcotic deity whispered promises in his blood.
That’s why the Speerlies became addicted to opium so easily, she realized. Not because they needed it for their fire. Because for some of them, it was the only time they could get away from their horrible god.
Deep down, she had known this, had suspected this ever since she’d learned that Altan didn’t need drugs like the rest of the Cike did, that Altan’s eyes were perpetually bright like poppy flowers.
Altan should have been locked into the Chuluu Korikh himself a long time ago.
But she hadn’t wanted to believe, because she needed to trust that her commander was sane.
Because without Altan, what was she?
In the hours that followed, when the drug seeped out of his bloodstream, Altan suffered. He sweated. He writhed. He seized so violently that Rin had to restrain him to keep him from hurting himself. He screamed. He begged for Shiro to come back. He begged for Rin to help him die.
“You can’t,” she said, panicking. “We have to escape here. We have to get out.”
His eyes were blank, defeated. “Resistance here means suffering, Rin. There is no escape. There is no future. The best you can hope for is that Shiro gets bored and grants you a painless death.”
She almost did it then.
She wanted to end his misery. She couldn’t see him tortured like this anymore, couldn’t watch the man she had admired since she set eyes on him reduced to this.
She found herself kneeling over his inert torso, hands around his neck. All she had to do was put pressure into her arms. Force the air out of his throat. Choke the life out of him.
He would hardly feel it. He could hardly feel anything anymore.
Even as her fingers grasped his skin, he did not resist. He wanted it to end.
She had done this once before. She had killed the likeness of him in the guise of the chimei.
But Altan had been fighting then. Then, Altan had been a threat. He was not a threat now, only the tragic, glaring proof that her heroes inevitably let her down.
Altan Trengsin was not invincible after all.
He had been so good at following orders. They told him to jump and he flew. They told him to fight and he destroyed.
But here at the end, without a purpose and without a ruler, Altan Trengsin was broken.
Rin’s fingers tensed, but then she trembled and pushed his limp form violently away from her.
“How are my darling Speerlies doing? Ready for another round?”
Shiro approached their cell, beaming. He was coming from the lab at the opposite end of the hallway. He held several round metallic containers in his arms.
They didn’t respond.
“Would you like to know what those canisters are for?” Shiro asked. His voice remained artificially bright. “Any guesses? Here’s a hint. It’s a weapon.”
Rin glowered at the doctor. Altan stared at the floor.
Shiro continued, unfazed. “It’s the plague, children.
Surely you know what the plague does? First your nose begins to run, and then great welts start growing on your arms, your legs, between your legs .
. . you die from shock when the wounds rupture, or from your own poisoned blood.
It takes quite a long time to die down, once it’s caught on.
But perhaps that was before your time. Nikan has been plague free for a while now, hasn’t it? ”
Shiro tapped the metal bars. “It took us a devilishly long time to figure out how it spread. Fleas, can you believe that? Fleas, that latch onto rats, and then spread their little plague particles over everything they touch. Of course, now that we know how it spreads, it’s only a hop step to turning it into a weapon.
Obviously it will not do to have the weapon run around without control—we do plan to inhabit your country one day—but when released in some densely populated areas, with the right critical mass .
. . well, this war will be over much sooner than we anticipated, won’t it? ”
Shiro leaned forward, head resting against the bars. “You have nothing to fight for anymore,” he said quietly. “Your country is lost. Why do you hold your silence? You have an easy way out of this place. Just cooperate with me. Tell me how you summon the fire.”
“I’ll die first,” Rin spat.
“What are you defending?” Shiro asked. “You owe Nikan nothing. What were you to them? What were the Speerlies to them, ever? Freaks! Outcasts!”
Rin stood up. “We fight for the Empress,” she said. “I’m a Militia soldier until the day I die.”
“The Empress?” Shiro looked faintly puzzled. “Have you really not figured it out?”
“Figured what out?” Rin snapped, even as Altan silently mouthed no.
But she had taken the bait, she had risen to the doctor’s provocation, and she could tell from the way Shiro’s eyes gleamed that he had been waiting for this moment.
“Have you even asked how we knew you were at the Chuluu Korikh?” Shiro asked. “Who must have given us that information? Who was the only other person who knew of that wonderful mountain?”
Rin gaped at him, openmouthed, while the truth pieced itself together in her mind. She could see Altan puzzling it out, too. His eyes widened as he came to the same realization that she did.
“No,” said Altan. “You’re lying.”
“Your precious Empress betrayed you,” Shiro said with relish. “You were a trade.”
“That’s impossible,” said Altan. “We served her. We killed for her.”
“Your Empress gave you up, you and your precious band of shamans. You were sold, my dear Speerlies, just like Speer was sold. Just like your Empire was sold.”
“You’re lying!”
Altan flung himself at the bars. Fire ignited across his body, flared out in tentacles that almost reached the guards. Altan continued to scream, and the fire licked wider and wider, and although the metal did not melt, Rin thought she saw the bars begin to bend.
Shiro shouted a command in Mugini.
Three guards rushed to the cell. As one worked to unlock the gate, another sloshed a bucket of water over Altan. Once he was doused, the third rushed in to pull Altan’s arms back behind his head while the first jammed a needle into his neck. Altan jerked and dropped to the floor.
The guards turned to Rin.
Rin thought she saw Shiro’s mouth moving, yelling, “No, not her,” before she, too, felt the needle sink into her neck.
The rush she felt was nothing like poppy seeds.
With poppy seeds, she still had to concentrate on clearing her mind. With poppy seeds it took conscious effort to ascend to the Pantheon.
Heroin was nowhere near as subtle. Heroin evicted her from her own body so that she had no choice but to seek refuge in the realm of spirit.
And she realized, with a fierce joy, that in attempting to sedate her, Shiro’s guards had set her free.
She found Altan in the other realm. She felt him. She knew the pattern of him as well as she knew her own.
She had not always known the shape of him. She had loved the version of him she’d constructed for herself. She had admired him. She had idolized him. She had adored an idea of him, an archetype, a version of him that was invulnerable.
But now she knew the truth, she knew the realness of Altan and his vulnerabilities and most of all his pain . . . and still she loved him.
She had mirrored herself against him, molded herself after him; one Speerly after another. She had emulated his cruelty, his hatred, and his vulnerability. She knew him, finally knew all of him, and that was how she found him.
Altan?
Rin.
She could feel him all around her; a hard edge, a deeply wounded aura, and yet a comforting presence.
Altan’s form appeared before her as if he stood across a very large field. He walked, or floated, toward her. Space and distance did not exist in this realm, not really, but her mind had to interpret it as such for her to orient herself.
She did not have to read the anguish in his eyes. She felt it. Altan did not keep his spirit closed off, the way Chaghan did; he was an open book, available for her to peruse, as if he were offering himself up for her to try to understand.
She understood. She understood his pain and his misery, and she understood why all he wanted to do now was die.
But she had no patience for it.
Rin had given up the luxury of fear a long, long time ago. She had wanted to give up so many times. It would have been easier. It would have been painless.
But throughout everything, the one thing she had held on to was her anger, and she knew one truth: She would not die like this. She would not die without vengeance.
“They killed our people,” she said. “They sold us. Since Tearza, Speer has been a pawn in the Empire’s geopolitical chess game. We were disposable. We were tools. Tell me that doesn’t make you furious.”
He looked exhausted. “I am sick with fury,” he said. “And I am sick knowing that there is nothing I can do.”
“You’ve blinded yourself. You’re a Speerly. You have power,” she said. “You have the anger of all of Speer. Show me how to use it. Give it to me.”
“You’ll die.”
“Then I will die on my feet,” she said. “I will die with flames in my hand and fury in my heart. I will die fighting for the legacy of my people, rather than on Shiro’s operating table, drugged and wasted.
I will not die a coward. And neither will you.
Altan, look at me. We are not like Jiang. We are not like Tearza.”
Altan lifted his head then.
“Mai’rinnen Tearza,” he whispered. “The queen who abandoned her people.”