18. The Peentacle Spectacle
THE PEENTACLE SPECTACLE
“Oh fuck,” Zenith said.
It wasn’t the words, so much as the way he said it. Zenith sounded like he was choking on something, like he was trying not to laugh.
What the hell was going on?
“C’mon,” Emre said to Buttwheel, opening the front door.
He gathered up Uriel’s baby, balanced Bean on top of the bundle, and grabbed Abbie.
When Buttwheel had clattered down the front steps, Emre put all the babies back into Buttwheel’s cargo basket, and they scrambled down the winding driveway to where Zenith and Huxton were.
The large iron gate was open. When Emre and Buttwheel came close enough, Zenith turned, giving Emre an amused look. Then he jerked his chin at the road.
Only then did Emre realize that Uriel was missing from the sidelines, because the mage was right there in the action.
“Stop fucking moving!” Uriel yelled. “You’re just making it worse!”
“What am I supposed to do?” an alpha yelled back. “Just sit here and let it ride me?!”
Across the street, a giant pink cock loomed over the shouting alpha. He was punching the cock, which didn’t seem to feel any of it. Probably because it was twice his size.
Emre rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. Then he shoved Buttwheel and the pups behind the hedge. “Stay here,” Emre whispered.
Buttwheel squeaked its wheels.
Emre returned to Zenith’s side, staring as the erection shuffled its balls, advancing on the alpha even though he tried to fight it off. The erection didn’t even look real; it was pastel pink, gleaming as though it was made entirely of plastic.
The alpha kicked at it. The cock jiggled, absorbing the impact, then it continued to advance on him.
“How the hell,” Emre said.
“Who even knows?” Huxton said mildly. “We heard a huge crash and came running.”
“Is someone calling in help?” the alpha snarled.
“Are you saying you need help?” Uriel said scathingly. “If I remember right, you were telling me to back the fuck off two minutes ago.”
The alpha was moving backward in circles, eyeing the towering cock. Around them, cars had stopped on both ends of the road. “I don’t need your help! Just anyone else’s!”
“Sure, even though magic is my specialty,” Uriel retorted.
Zenith coughed lightly, giving Emre a pointed look. “That’s Bruiser.”
“That’s...” Emre gaped.
“Explains so much, huh?” Huxton said.
Actually, yeah, it explained Ulgon and Burnzinger’s relationship.
And now that Emre knew Uriel’s secret, it only made the book sadder, and this situation... funnier.
All of them were watching when the giant cock bent over Bruiser and rubbed its tip against his head.
“Aww, it likes you,” Uriel said dryly. “Yeah, this is it. We’re done here. No need to help.”
“Hey! What the hell!” Bruiser tried to punch the giant cock, but it only nuzzled him harder, like it was some kind of giant friendly dog.
“How the hell did you end up here, anyway?” Zenith asked.
“I don’t fucking know!” Bruiser snarled. “I was trying to get out of my house, and this thing jumped me and followed me all the way here!”
Huxton covered his mouth and snickered. Zenith shot him a warning look.
“You probably smell like ass, is why it followed you,” Uriel said.
Even Emre couldn’t help but giggle at that.
“Fuck off,” Bruiser hissed.
“Yeah, I’m fucking right off.” Uriel turned his back on Bruiser as the giant cock wrapped itself around him like a possessive tentacle. Bruiser roared.
Zenith coughed. “You’re just going to leave him here?”
“Obviously he doesn’t need help,” Uriel replied. “You are paying me for actual work.”
Emre followed Uriel and Zenith back up the mansion’s driveway, snagging Buttwheel and the pups. Already, cars were starting to inch their way around Bruiser and the giant cock. Huxton rolled the gates shut.
Just as the gates were almost closed, Bruiser yelled.
“Wait!”
All of them paused. Emre held his breath.
“I give,” Bruiser muttered. More loudly, “How much for an extraction?”
Uriel’s eyes gleamed; his lips curved. He turned back, and Huxton hurriedly opened the gates once more. “How much are you willing to pay?”
“How about I owe you a favor?” Bruiser growled.
Oh, that was so dangerous.
Uriel turned around slowly. “Any favor?”
Bruiser gritted his teeth. The giant cock was petting his head with its own, like it had found its very best friend. When Bruiser tried to struggle out of its grip, the giant cock held him tighter.
“It’s a cocktacle,” Huxton whispered. “Cock-tentacle. You should write this into your book, Scribbly Master.”
Uriel had the straightest poker face ever.
Bruiser caved. “Fine. Fine! Any favor. Get this fucking thing off me!”
Uriel strode forward. With a fingertip, he traced sparkling gold runes in the air. They hung suspended until he finished writing and pushed the spell forward with his palm. The runes flew through the air, sinking into Bruiser’s giant pink companion.
The cock shuddered around Bruiser. Then it grew more erect than ever, puffed up at the base, and ejaculated a thick, long stream of white fluid into the sky.
“Evacuate,” Huxton yelled.
Emre grabbed Buttwheel and ran for the mansion. It was a good thing he did—globs of white fluid landed around Bruiser in a wide radius, splashing onto Uriel, Huxton, Zenith, and the cars around them. But Bruiser got the most of it.
“What the fuck?!” Bruiser scooped the thick fluid out of his eyes, grimacing.
At least the giant cock had disappeared.
Uriel coughed lightly. “That was in its... programming, you could say. It wasn’t going to vanish without a happy ending.”
“I’ll show you a happy ending,” Bruiser muttered.
“No thanks,” Uriel said, turning away. “But now you owe me.”
White fluid had smeared down Uriel’s front, gluing his shirt to the contours of his chest. Bruiser’s gaze dropped briefly to Uriel’s chest; he looked away the next second.
Emre had definitely not imagined that. He caught Zenith’s eye; Zenith had noticed it too.
The moment the iron gates were shut behind them, Zenith turned an accusatory look on Huxton.
Huxton fluttered his lashes and looked innocent. “What?”
Zenith pointed two fingers at his own eyes, then aimed them at his butler. I’m watching you.
Huxton shrugged.
“How the hell did someone get their hands on a construct like that?” Uriel muttered, completely missing Zenith’s silent warning. “That was a targeted attack.”
“Maybe Bruiser made enemies,” Zenith said mildly. “With a mouth like his, I wouldn’t be surprised.”
“Me neither,” Uriel said sourly. “Pain in the ass.”
“Very much so,” Zenith agreed. “Gods help the person who ends up tangled with him.”
Uriel shuddered. He turned toward the mansion, shoulders up, spine straight. “If it’s okay with you, Zenith, I’d like to borrow your shower for a bit.”
“Yeah, go ahead,” Zenith said. “Huxton will make sure you get a change of clothes.”
“Thanks.” Uriel glanced at his baby in Buttwheel’s cargo basket. Then he raised his eyebrows at Emre.
“We’ve got you,” Emre said. “Go shower.”
Uriel flashed a quick smile and disappeared into the mansion.
Emre wanted to ask why Uriel disliked Bruiser so much. Maybe Uriel would tell him eventually? He turned to Zenith and said quietly, “Now I see what you mean about the betting and the book and everything.”
Zenith’s smile was crooked. “I don’t envy them.”
His gaze lingered on Emre, growing warmer. A blush rose to Emre’s cheeks.
“I want to hug you,” Zenith said lowly. “But I’m covered in magic cum.”
He was. Even though he wasn’t as completely drenched as Bruiser had been, there were still huge smears all over his clothes, translucent white fluid that darkened his shirt and made his nipples pebble.
“It’s not... filled with aphrodisiac, is it?” Emre said suspiciously.
“Nope,” Huxton said, just as drenched.
Zenith bit his lip. Then he shuddered, his pupils dilating. His cock grew thick behind his pants.
Zenith glanced at Huxton, who frowned.
“Arousal was not included in the construct’s specs,” Huxton said, confused. “Does this have to do with your... problem?”
“Fuck,” Zenith muttered. “That seems more likely. I’ll just—” he jerked his thumb at the mansion “—go upstairs.”
He jogged up the front steps, twitching.
“Are you hurt?” Emre said, taking a step forward. “Do you need help?”
Zenith leveled a dark, scorching look at him. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
An answering thrill shot through Emre’s body. “I think we can find a solution that’ll work for both of us.”
Zenith exhaled shakily. “Fuck.”
He grabbed Emre around the waist, and swept him off his feet.