CHAPTER 9
ELLEN “SHADOW” STEWART
I drive around back. On the outskirts of a town like Saratoga Springs, nobody wants bikes littering the street, so like the good neighbors we are, the Graces park in back. I pull my car to the rear of the lot, leaving the spots closest to the entrance for bikes.
I fidget with my keys as I walk across the parking lot, hoping Wiz didn’t see me pull in.
Wiz, the longtime president of the Steel Graces, doesn’t pull any punches.
Over a dozen bikes are scattered in the lot.
Maybe that’s enough witnesses to keep her off my ass.
Sure. When Wiz is mad, she doesn’t hold back.
For such a small woman, she commands a room.
I take a deep breath before pushing open the door to the clubhouse. A warm blast of air and loud music hits me. The music is likely courtesy of Sloth, the Steel Graces’ sergeant-at-arms. Everyone’s always telling her to lower the volume, but she wants it to be a party twenty-four/seven.
With the high ceilings in this old building, it’s surprising how warm the clubhouse stays. Whenever I enter, it feels like a warm hug, especially since I keep my house at sixty-three in the winter, unless the kids are visiting. I can’t afford high heating bills anymore.
I make my way down the short hallway to the main area. Inside, it looks like an upscale bar, complete with a dance floor and a gaming area.
I need a drink, so I head toward the bar.
Shit. I didn’t realize Wiz was there since the Graces standing around her tower over her. It’s too late to turn away, so I put on a smile and keep walking.
“I didn’t hear you ride in,” Wiz says as I approach.
It’s an obvious dig since she couldn’t hear anything over the music and the chatter.
“I drove my car.” I know she knows, considering the numerous monitors that stream footage from the camera out back.
“Turn around, Shadow,” Wiz says.
Shadow is my club name. They say it’s because I move quietly like a shadow, but I know there’s more.
When I came to the club, I was timid and afraid.
Both courtesy of my ex. I learned to stay quiet, be invisible, so I wouldn’t incur her wrath.
But when she was angry, she had me jumping at my own shadow.
She never hit me. Sometimes, I think it would’ve been easier if she had.
I stare at Wiz, trying to understand why she wants me to turn, but then I do as she says. I’m feeling shitty enough, so I’m not looking for more trouble. After I turn, Wiz doesn’t say anything, so I look over my shoulder.
She narrows her eyes. “Just making sure you still have a patch on your back reading MC.”
It’s her not-so-subtle way of saying that someone in a motorcycle club should ride their bike, not drive a car to the clubhouse. I know, but it’s cold tonight, and since I’ve moved out of Saratoga Springs, I hate riding home by myself in the dark.
“Stop busting her chops,” Edge calls from her seat at the bar. She’s the Steel Graces’ VP and the only one who ever challenges Wiz.
Edge has had a soft spot for me ever since I lost custody of my kids. With three of her own, she knows I’m hurting not seeing them but every other weekend. With my ex playing games, it’s been more like once a month.
“When you patch into a motorcycle club, you’re expected to ride your motorcycle,” Wiz says. She points at Sloth. “And turn down that goddamn music.”
Edge stands and approaches while the other girls watch the show. I can see by the looks on their faces that they don’t envy me.
Edge drapes her arm over my shoulders. “Weren’t you supposed to have the girls this weekend?” She glares at Wiz when she delivers the line.
“Supposed to is the magic words. Margot did it again.”
“What this time?” Edge asks, still eyeing Wiz.
“She claimed Nora was sick, and Leah didn’t want to come without her sister.”
“Classic power play,” Wiz says, surprising me. “You can’t live in the shadows forever. You should put that bitch in her place.”
“Yeah, sure.” I give her a half-smile. “Never marry a ruthless divorce lawyer.” My ex, Margot, started fucking her paralegal and left me with nothing, not even my kids.
Wiz’s eyes soften. “You can turn around now.” While I know underneath she’s kindhearted, after being emotionally beaten up by Margot, Wiz’s aggressive nature makes me uneasy.
Tentatively, I turn.
“Hey, Prospect,” Wiz calls toward the bar. “Bring Shadow a mojito with an extra wedge of lime.”
It’s her way of letting me off the hook, and I’m grateful since I don’t belong in the spotlight. It’s not a place for shadows.
“Thanks.”
I glance around the room. It looks like it’s gonna be a full house tonight, and I’m good with that since I didn’t want to sit in my tiny apartment with the walls closing in around me.
Edge smiles at me and puts her hand on my arm. A shiver runs through me. It’s not sexual. When I’m feeling low, a kind touch will do that to me.
“How about you come sit at the bar with me?” Edge says.
I nod. “As soon as I get my drink, I’ll join you.”
Edge squeezes my arm before she turns away, causing tears to well in my eyes. Damn it. Tonight isn’t a good night.
Before I can dwell on it, the prospect delivers my drink. I give her a smile and thank her. The Steel Graces treat prospects well. I’ve heard horror stories about how some clubs haze theirs, but no reputable club does that.
My prospecting days weren’t bad. Though Margot took practically everything I owned, she didn’t know about the Harley Shovelhead my grandpa left me when he passed. Once Margot forced me out of our home, for my sanity, I started riding again. Then I stumbled upon the Steel Graces.
I was looking for safety. Somewhere to belong.
The process went quicker than I’d expected, although some of the girls say I was fast-tracked.
I’m sure Edge had a hand in it, but she’ll never admit it.
I believe she realized being a submissive prospect wasn’t healthy for me after being so subservient in my marriage.
I’ll always be grateful to her since I needed a break from being bossed around.
About a year ago, I was patched in, and I bawled like a baby when they gave me my road name—Shadow. It meant I wasn’t alone anymore.
As I turn with my drink, Wiz calls, “You’ll be at the poker run meeting tomorrow?”
“Yeah, but I won’t need your granddaughter to watch the girls.”
“Oh, right.” Her eyes soften. “Sorry about that, Shadow.”
I smile and then make my way toward the end of the bar. Even though Wiz can sometimes be harsh, she’s helped me through some tough times.
When I slip into the seat next to Edge, she smiles. “I’m glad you came out tonight.”
I look down and run my hand over the bottom of my cut. “Yeah, me too.”
Edge bumps me with her shoulder. “You need to let loose a little. Dancing or darts?”
I laugh. “I have to choose one or the other?”
Edge laughs. “Now that’s the spirit I wanna see.” Her face grows serious. “I know things have been rough, but we got ya.”
I smile and let my head fall against her shoulder. “I know you do, and I appreciate it.”
We sit like that for a few moments, neither of us speaking. Finally, I lift my head and say, “I’m still planning to kick your ass at darts.”
It’s well after midnight when I exit the clubhouse.
I’d danced and laughed more than I have in weeks.
It’s like all the girls knew I needed a lift, and feeling the sisterhood was just what I needed.
Even Wiz kept checking in on me, and Edge stuck close.
Margot might have me down, but I’m not out. Not with the Graces in my corner.
There’s a spring in my step as I walk to my car. I breathe in the cool air and gaze up at the vast night sky. Most days, I feel small when I look at the stars, but not tonight.
I run my fingers over the name patch on my cut. Nope, I’m not small tonight. Margot took almost everything from me, but this is one thing she can’t.
I slide into my car with a smile on my face. I’m a Steel Grace whether she likes it or not.