CHAPTER 31
STORM
Shadow and I stayed with Dimples for a while after she settled on her outfit. I wanted to make sure she was okay. Now I’m nervous as I lead Shadow down the hallway to my room. It isn’t much, but I want her to see my space. Silly, I know.
I hold open the door, and Shadow enters.
“And this is it.” I sweep my hand out wide. “Not much to look at, but it’s home.”
“You’ve got a suite,” Shadow says.
I snort. “Yeah, ’cause I’m the president. But it’s not the Ritz.”
“It’s nice. Homey.” She walks to the wall with all my pictures and points to the eight by ten. “Aces?”
“How’d you guess?”
“The position of importance gave it away.” Shadow grins. “Plus, her name patch says Aces.”
“Cheater.”
“Hey, cut me some slack. I already figured it out.” Her expression grows serious. “What was going on with Dimples?”
“What do you mean?” I’m stalling because I don’t know how to explain.
“That wasn’t normal panic.” Her face falls. “That came out wrong. No disrespect, but she was losing it.”
I nod. It’s Dimples’ story, not mine, but I need to tell Shadow something. “She’s had a hard life. Sometimes I forget because she’s just so damned, uh, so damned—Dimples. But today was a reminder.”
Shadow’s eyes show her concern. “There for a bit, when you touched her cheek. You were trying to calm her, weren’t you?”
“Yeah, it grounds her. I thought she was gonna space out, but it doesn’t happen much anymore. I just feel bad I didn’t catch it earlier.”
“Space out?”
“That’s just what we call it. Doctors have a fancier name for it…uh…dis…disa—”
“Dissociation?”
“Yeah, that’s it. The way she describes it, it’s kind of like she leaves her body. Sees everything from outside herself.” My jaw tightens, thinking of why she learned to do it. “It’s how she protects herself.”
“I understand. I learned about it when I took a psychology class in junior college.” Shadow’s eyes fill with sadness. “I’m sorry she experiences that.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Don’t take it I’m not interested, but I won’t ask any more questions because—”
“It ain’t my story to tell.”
She nods. “Exactly. I won’t put you in that position.”
“Thank you.”
She points to another picture on my board. “Who’s this?”
I spend the next twenty minutes giving her a tour of my photo collection. We’re laughing about the picture of me on my Honda Rebel when our eyes meet.
Her smile is warm and inviting, so I take her hand. Before I know it, she’s in my arms. Then we’re kissing.
Her lips are so soft, and her body feels so right against mine that when a loud rap sounds on my door, I nearly jump out of my skin.
She pushes away from me like our parents have caught us. Her hair is mussed and her cheeks ruddy.
“Yeah,” I call. “What do you want?”
“We have a problem,” Nails yells through the door.
I walk to the door and throw it open.
Nails takes one look at me and says, “Uh, sorry for bothering you.” She glances at Shadow. “Both of you.”
Shadow smiles and waves her off.
“So what’s the problem?” I ask, my voice gruff.
“One of the girls called, says she’s been throwing up all day and can’t work…uh…” Nails glances at Shadow. “The thing tonight.”
Shadow steps up beside me. “My offer still stands.”
Nails eyes her but says nothing.
“Fuck.” Anger builds in me, and I run my hand through my hair. “Is she faking it?”
“Nah, I don’t think so,” Nails says. “It’s Twilight. She’s solid.”
I nod. “Agreed. We’ll have to round up someone else.”
Nails lets out a long breath. “This late, it’ll cause tension. It won’t be good for morale.”
“Who the fuck cares? What happened to club loyalty? Sisterhood and all that shit?” My temper is boiling, but I’ve sacrificed an evening with Shadow to do right by the club.
Nails bites her lip and glances at Shadow again.
“She’s fine. Just say what’s on your mind.”
“Normally, I’d agree, but I’m not sure we wanna give Frost any ammo.”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised if she slipped something into Twilight’s drink,” I mutter. “So there’s no one else?”
“We tapped them all yesterday. It’s already a skeleton crew. Only thing left is to find a townie.” Nails gaze shifts to Shadow and then back to me. “Or someone else.”
Shadow squeezes my arm. “I’m off work until Monday, so I can stick around.”
While I’d love for her to stay, I don’t want a bunch of gamblers drooling all over her. Plus, this isn’t her problem.
“It’d help me repay my bike repairs,” she adds.
Nails lifts an eyebrow in the unspoken we could use her.
“What’ll be the backlash?” I ask. “I mean…bringing a Steel Grace into our event.”
Shadow, who was leaning against me, shifts so our bodies are no longer touching. I glance at her face and see a mixture of hurt and anger.
Before I can respond, she says, “I should be going. I wouldn’t want you to get any backlash from me visiting your clubhouse.” I see the hurt in her eyes when she looks into mine. “Or your room.”
Nails backs toward the door. “Hey, I’m gonna step out and give you two some privacy.” She points over her shoulder. “I should tell Dimples what’s up. You can find me there.”
Before I can tell her it’s not necessary, Nails slips out.
“That’s not what I meant,” I say as soon as Nails is gone.
“Then what did you mean?” Shadow takes a step back. “I’m a Steel Grace. An enemy. It’s best I find this out now.”
I want to tell her she’s overreacting, but something tells me it’d be a mistake. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
Anger flashes in her eyes. “Then how did you mean it?”
“It’s complicated.”
She picks up her jacket from where she’d dropped it on my bed. “And that’s why we should stop this before it starts. I can ride home on my own. You need to stay and take care of business.” She slips on her jacket.
I step toward her and clench my fists hard at my side, so I don’t grab her and plead with her to stay.
She glances down at my clenched fists. Her eyes widen, and she steps back.
Oh, god. Did she think I was going to hit her? I lift my hands, palms out, and back up.
She watches me retreat. Her wary expression tells me she’s uncertain what I might do next.
“What did your ex do to you?” I say.
Shadow glares at me. “She never laid a hand on me.”
My eyes widen in shock. “Do you think I would?”
“I don’t know what to think, Storm.” She crosses her arms over her chest. Not in a defensive posture. Her hands aren’t shoved into her armpits; instead, they hold her elbows as if she’s hugging herself.
The gesture melts me, and I want to comfort her, but I can’t until she understands I’d never hurt her.
“That’s not who I am. Not who I’ve ever been. I’ve never laid a hand on anyone I’m dating.”
She studies me. “But you’ve laid a hand on someone else?”
I nod. “Sometimes things get heated in motorcycle clubs.”
“I’ve never seen a Steel Grace hit anyone.”
My shoulders slump. I can’t deny it, but she knows we aren’t like the Graces, so why bring it up now?
I weigh my response. “We’re a little thornier,” I say, going for humor.
It doesn’t work. She stares at me with a stony expression.
As much as I wanna be with her, things haveta be out in the open.
“I thought you understood—knew,” I say. “I wasn’t trying to mislead you.”
She gives me a puzzled look. “Knew what?”
I shouldn’t talk about this outside the club, but I can’t move forward with this if she doesn’t know everything. “The Thorns—we’re good people. We don’t hurt anyone, but the law might disagree with some of what we do.”
“Is that a sugarcoated way of saying you break the law—do illegal things?” Shadow says.
I look into her eyes, but I can’t sustain it, so I drop my gaze to the floor. “If you go by the letter of the law, yeah, we break it. Poker games. Races. We don’t hurt nobody.”
“I know the Thorns aren’t Girl Scouts,” Shadow says.
I look up into her eyes. “Does that bother you?”
“Should it?”
“Stalling?”
“Maybe.” She gives me a half smile. “I didn’t figure you had a permit for Casino Night, and I’d heard rumors about your races, and I’m still here.”
“Did you think we did worse?” I’m not sure what I want her answer to be.
“I’d hoped not, but I’ve heard things. You know the Thorns have a reputation, especially with clubs like the Graces.”
She ain’t telling me anything I don’t know, so I nod.
“When I met you, I wasn’t prepared to like you.” It’s her turn to look at the floor. “Since we’re coming clean, there’s something I need to tell you.”
My chest tightens, not liking the sound of it. “Okay.”
“It wasn’t an accident I spent time with you at the poker run.”
My brow furrows. “What’re you saying?”
“It was an order.” Shadow shakes her head. “And I’m violating club rules and loyalty telling you this.” The anguish on her face is deep, and she puts her hand against her forehead and covers her eyes. “Shit. This sucks.”
I move closer, take her other hand, and softly say, “Talk to me, Shadow. What was the order?”
“I was supposed to shadow you.” She lets out a humorless laugh. “Keep an eye on you at the run. I was pissed, but I did it.” She removes her hand from her face, and her eyes show her struggle. “I wasn’t expecting this to happen. For me to feel the things I’m feeling. It wasn’t in the plan.”
I push my anger aside. While I’m pissed at being set up, I’m more interested in what other feelings she’s talking about.
“Are you mad?” she asks and lowers her gaze.
“At you, no. You were following orders. But I’d like a word with Wiz.”
Shadow tenses.
“But I won’t.” I put my hand under her chin to get her to look at me. When she does, I pause and gaze into her eyes. “But I’d like to hear more about these feelings you mentioned.”
“I don’t know what we’re doing, Storm. But I can’t deny how much I’ve been looking forward to today.
How much I enjoy ending my evenings talking to you.
For the past three weeks, I’ve told myself it’s a bad idea, but then when you showed up at my apartment and I saw your face, I thought fuck it I’ll do what I want.
Then we kissed, and Jesus, it was amazing.
But I thought, shit I need to stop this, but I don’t want to. ”
She takes a deep breath, and I can tell she’s not done, so I remain silent.
“Being here with you…it feels right, and it’s so fucking confusing.
Then you said you shouldn’t let a Grace in, and it hurt.
In my mind, I’m thinking this is gonna end badly.
I’m gonna get more attached, and then you’re gonna throw me to the curb.
I felt like I was suffocating and needed to escape.
And then you clenched your fists, and for the first time, you looked dangerous, and it scared me. ”
She releases my hand and walks across the room. I want to follow, but I let her go. I want to explain, but I won’t until she’s done.
“Now I’ve told you stuff I shouldn’t have, and I don’t know why. My life is complicated and fucked up. What the hell am I doing?” Tears well in her eyes. “And I sound like a psycho. Just tell me to shut the hell up already.”
I try to soften my expression since she took my earlier intensity as danger, and I make sure my hands aren’t clenched before I reach out my hand to her.
“I don’t think you’re a psycho, and I’d like to talk about this.”
She stares at my hand so long I fear she isn’t going to take it. Finally, she moves toward me and laces her fingers through mine.
My heart soars. I didn’t realize how scared I was that she might walk out.
“How about we sit down?” I point to the love seat in the corner of my room.
She nods but doesn’t speak.
Once seated, I turn and face her but continue holding her hand. “There’s a lot to unpack with everything you said.”
She smiles. “You mean my verbal diarrhea?”
I chuckle. “You said it, not me.”
She playfully swats my arm. “You could have said, No, you were so together I didn’t even notice.”
I smirk. “Got it. You want me to lie to you.”
“Jerk.” Her smile warms me.
“Something good happened here. I mean, from what you’ve told me about your life before, with your ex, you just clammed up. Stopped talking. You wouldn’t have felt safe verbally vomiting on her.”
“Oh.” Her eyes get a faraway look. “I hadn’t thought about that. You’re right, though. Never in a million years would I have opened up like that. Not with her. It would’ve been dangerous.”
I cock my head. “Does that mean you trust me?” I hold up my hand with my fingers a couple inches apart. “Just a little.”
She leans against the back of the couch, shaking her head. “Holy shit. I think it does. It’s just I haven’t trusted for so long. I’m not sure what it feels like.”
I put a little more pressure on her hand, but I don’t quite squeeze it. “Then maybe you don’t think I’m as dangerous as you said.” I bet I look like a child wanting approval, but I don’t care.
She takes a moment to answer. “You scared me, your eyes turned black.”
I look down at our interlaced fingers. “I’m intense. It’s how I got my name, but I’d never hurt you.”
“I want to believe that—I think I do. I must if I kept babbling at you. But then you had your fists clenched and said you’ve hit people.”
I sit up taller and jut out my chest. “I protect the people I love. The club. And I’ll never apologize for it, but I don’t go around randomly punching people. Never once have I laid my hands on anyone I’ve dated no matter how mad I am. I walk away.”
She studies my face and then puts her hand against my cheek. “I believe you.”
Relief floods through me. I put my hand over hers and close my eyes. Letting the moment sink in before I say, “Thank you.” I open my eyes. “Does that mean you’re still in?”
“But you said the club wouldn’t handle a Grace being around.”
I sigh. “They’ll get over it. I just didn’t want a bunch of gamblers pawing at you.”
“I don’t, either, but somehow I don’t think Nails is gonna let that happen.”
I grin. “You got a point. But what about you? I’m sure a Thorn isn’t an acceptable dating partner.”
“There’s no rule against it.”
“You gonna tell Wiz that?”
Shadow smiles. “I’m not planning on telling her anything yet.”
“Fair enough. Still want to help tonight?”
She smiles. “If you can find me a dress.”