Chapter 9
Iclimb into my truck with no sign of Reese. “How in the hell did I misread her? Fuck.” I shove my shifter into gear, tearing out of the lot. “She must be serious about Alden.” I shake my head in disgust. “I just need to keep our dinner professional, and maybe she’ll forget I said anything.”
I drive Highway Seventeen in automatic, my mind on everything but the road. How in the hell did I get here?
It was rhetorical because I know all too well what the fuck I did to find myself in this position. “I can’t trust myself. How in the hell will I ever be able to believe in something else? Someone else.”
Pulling into the office, I take the stairs two at a time. As if hiding would help. “You’ve gotta stop. This will never work, you know it.” I take my favorite bourbon from the fridge and pour two fingers, setting the bottle on the table beside me.
Falling into the chair, I down the amber liquid, letting it burn as it flows into my wretched soul.
“What the fuck are you even thinking?” I pour another, swallowing it faster than the first. “I don’t do relationships.
” I pour yet another, sipping it slowly as I ruminate on the mess I’ve made. The mess I call my life.
My phone buzzes, and I do my damnedest to ignore it. But as it sounds for the third time, I yank it free from my pocket. Riley. I hit answer. “What?”
“Hello to you, too, brother.”
“What is it, Riley?” I huff.
He swallows hard. “Dad’s been asking about you. I wanted to give you a heads up. I figure he’ll be coming around soon.”
“Making sure I don’t cause any trouble?”
“No. And you know what? Fuck you.” Riley hesitates long enough for me to get my shit together.
“Sorry… I’ve had a helluva rough day.”
“I get it.” He sighs heavily. “I screwed up everything I tried to accomplish for years, including relationships.”
“Will I…” I trail off, wrestling my thoughts and words. “Will I ever get past it? Does it ever end? Knowing how much pain I’ve caused and the damage I’ve done continues to haunt me. Fuck, do I deserve it?” I silently sit in shock. I said it out loud, making it become all too real.
“If you’re asking me, yes, you deserve it. But damn, I know who you are,” he answers quietly.
“Not a lot know the real me.”
“Maybe it’s time to show them. Or at least, tell her.”
He’s right.
I hang my head, letting the alcohol and his words go straight to my head. “Tell her what? Besides, she’s involved with someone else. There’s no honor in that.” I sit back in the chair.
“Until she gives you the all-clear, I guess you wait,” he says.
“All clear? No, it’s not like that. I like her. She’s proving to be a great colleague.”
“Okay, if that’s how you’ve decided to handle it.” Riley knows me better than I know myself. “Hang in there.”
“Thanks for letting me know about Dad. I’ll make sure things are good on my end.”
“You’re fine. I just wanted to tell you so you weren’t surprised.” He’s a good brother. “And one more thing, Lea’s fundraiser is Saturday night.”
I hang my head, scratching it vigorously. “Got it. I’ll be there.”
“Take a date. It’ll be good for you.” He chuckles.
“I’m feeling warm and fuzzy already.”
“That’s right, baby. All the feels.” Such a sarcastic asshole.
“Whatever. I haven’t eaten.” I pretend to gag.
“Fuck you, pansy ass.” We laugh. “Later.”
“Yep, see ya.”
I end the call and stretch out for a few minutes. Scanning the room, I see I have walls where there used to be none. I stand, walking over to the new addition. As I flip the light on, I look around, liking what I see.
I scan the room, picturing where the bed will go and the television. “This’ll work. It’s not a home, but I don’t have a family, so there’s no need for a house.” I turn back, shutting the lights off as I leave the new area.
I walk into my office and turn on the desk lamp, bringing a soft glow to the area. I twist my head from side to side, effectively cracking my neck. “Fuck, yes,” I say to myself to help break the silence.
After a hot shower, I find my place on the couch.
I drift off sometime after one in the morning.
Every time I closed my eyes, I replayed every defining moment in my life.
My dreams are nightmares, made up of heartbreak and pain.
Most of which is at my hand. I’ve self-medicated too many nights with booze and women, just to help me sleep.
Someone like me doesn’t deserve anything more than a life of disappointment.
I’ve caused too much pain and hurt to trust myself to not do it again.
I can’t get involved with Reese. I won’t allow myself to hurt her.
If I learned anything today, it’s that she deserves better than me.
No matter how much I wished it wasn’t true.
Morning comes with the bitter taste of disdain I have for myself. It’s bad enough people know who I am, but facing it day in and day out gets disgusting. I busy myself with clearing out the emptied boxes. I think we’re all set to officially start accepting clients. Finally.
“Donna?” I call from my office. “Do you have a minute?”
She steps through the door, smiling as always. “How can I help?”
I place my hands on my hips and smirk. “Now that’s a loaded question.”
She giggles. “Should I roll up my sleeves?”
“No. I need the reservations for tonight and I need to RSVP to the charity gala for Lea Woods.”
“I’ll send over the information, and will you be taking a guest?” she questions as she types on her iPad.
I rub the back of my neck, contemplating my thoughts. “Tell them two, although it’ll probably be one.”
“All right.” She smiles. “Dinner for two in your inbox. Anything else?”
“No, thank you.” She turns to leave. “Actually…”
“Yes?” she asks as she spins around.
“Has Reese called about the proposal?”
“No, sir.”
I twist my mouth, wanting to say more, but I don’t, so I chew on my lip instead. “Thank you.”
Donna made reservations at Villa Romana, the best Italian restaurant in town. Reese is going to meet me at eight, so why am I showered and looking for clothes at six? Because I’m nervous. Holy hell.
Picking up my phone, I dial the one number I really hate to call on days like these. “What’s up, asshole?”
“I need your help,” I mumble.
“Go on.”
“Dinner. Business. Reese. Villa Romana. At Eight.” I roll my eyes knowing I’ve admitted more than I should’ve.
“I’m around the corner. Be there in five.” The phone goes dead. Fuck. What have I done?
Sure enough, the winds blow up the hurricane as she crashes through my door. She stares at me for two seconds, then gets to work. “Hell, no. You’re not wearing black.”
“It’s my go-to color.”
“It’s also the color people wear to funerals,” she snaps.
“It’s business,” I answer as she combs through my closet. She spins on me, glaring. I hold my hands up in defeat. “Fine. What am I wearing, Ava?”
“Exactly.” She turns back, ripping several things from the hanger. Ava hands me a denim shirt with a deeper blue suit. “Here, no arguments.” She kisses my cheek and walks out the door.
“Thank you?” I yell after her.
“Welcome,” she shouts. “And, Walker?”
I hesitate as fear grips me. “Yes?”
“Be. Fucking. Charming,” she enunciates. “Love you.”
“Love you, sis.” I stare in the mirror, holding up her offering. “Charming. She thinks I can be charming.”
I dive into work as to not arrive at the restaurant early, but it’s to no avail.
I get there fifteen minutes before our reservation.
I pace, waiting for her arrival. Somehow, she sneaks up on me.
When I spot her, she’s walking across the parking lot.
Not going to lie, my chest tightens and I immediately throw up my walls.
Reese Morgan will be the death of me.
Her black dress falls at the knees, hugging her every curve. Her breasts bounce slightly with the deeply cut bodice, her red hair falling around her shoulders, highlighting her collarbone. My lips part as I drag in a much-needed breath. Her beauty has stolen the oxygen from my body.
“Walker.” She smiles at me, and my knees go weak. And just like that, a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach sends a warning signal to my brain.
She’s not for you.
I swallow past the tightness in my chest to murmur a response. “Reese.” I try not to gawk. “I believe our table is ready.” I place my hand on the small of her back long enough to guide her to our seats. I can’t help but watch her hips sway as she walks, her stilettos showcasing toned calves.
She smiles as I pull her chair out. “Thank you.”
I take my seat across from her, staring like a lunatic. “You’re breathtaking,” I blurt out before I can control myself.
Her eyes grow wide as she stutters, “Thank you.” Was that a question? I’ve embarrassed her. I need to pull my shit together.
“You’re welcome,” I stammer. “You surprised me. I feel as though I’m underdressed.”
“No, not at all. I love you in blue. You wear so much black.” I do?
“I never noticed. I wasn’t sure about this shirt.” I pick at it as I shake my head. “Ava told me to wear it. She also thinks I wear too much black.”
“Not too much, it’s habit.” She points at her dress. “I do like the denim shirt with the blue suit. Bold. It looks good on you.”
“I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen anyone in court looking like that.” I motion toward her while ogling her breasts like a fourteen-year-old.
“Oh, yeah. I overdressed.” She looks at her lap, straightening her napkin. “When Donna said Villa Romana, I went all in. You know, a grown-up dinner doesn’t happen often for attorneys.” She’s embarrassed.
“No, you didn’t. You look amazing.” I’m sure my face shows my appreciation. “Wine?”
“Please. It’s been a long day.” She opens her menu.
“May I?”
“Please do. It’s been awhile since I’ve been here. I’m going to peruse their offerings.” Reese’s smile shines through the cracks in my heart, warming my dead soul.
I motion for the waiter, giving him our selection. “We’ll have a bottle of Tenuta San Guido Sassicaia. Thank you.”
Reese continues to read when her eyes go wide. She glances up at me. “You realize that’s four hundred dollars. For wine.”