Chapter 19 #2
If she hadn’t come into their lives, if she hadn’t mattered to him enough to become important to everyone else too, maybe none of it would’ve happened.
“Fuck,” Declan muttered under his breath, posture stilling as the full weight of it settled over him.
“She wouldn’t cut you out because you didn’t matter, Declan.”
The words hit differently now, because Riley pulling away suddenly felt less like rejection and more like sacrifice, the kind she would absolutely make if she thought it protected the people she loved.
His gaze dropped to the glass on the bench, watching a bead of condensation melt along the side while his thoughts rewired themselves around a truth he should have understood sooner.
Riley hadn’t left because she didn’t care, she’d left because she did. Because something in her had decided protecting Dee mattered more than what it would cost her to stay with Declan.
And Christ, that was such a painfully Riley thing to do it made his chest ache.
She loved like it was survival. Carefully at first, cautious, like she was waiting for permission from her body to trust it.
But once she chose someone, she chose them completely.
She would cut out pieces of her heart before she risked being the reason the people she loved got hurt.
Declan swallowed hard. “It’s not supposed to hurt like this,” he admitted quietly, more to himself than anyone else.
But it did. Every day without her felt wrong in this low, constant way he couldn’t escape from. Something essential had been removed from his life and his body couldn’t figure out how to function around the absence of it: of her.
And underneath the grief sat something else now, understanding. Dee had been her oxygen for eight years, and now he had to prove he was someone she could breathe around too. Someone worth leaving for instead of leaving behind.
The thought settled into his chest with startling clarity, solid enough that it almost knocked the breath from him. Declan lifted his gaze at last, his voice rough when he finally said it out loud.
“I love her, Mum.”
The words hung between them, heavy and irreversible.
“And I think she left because she loves people so much that she’d rather break her own heart than risk hurting someone else’s.” His jaw tightened slightly. “And now all I can think about is how alone she must’ve felt making that decision by herself.”
A strained breath left him, something frustrated and exhausted tangled together.
“And I hate that part of me is angry about it,” he admitted quietly. “Because it makes it sound like what she did was selfish when it wasn’t. I know why she did it, I do.” His gaze dropped briefly. “But I can’t help it.”
His gaze focused on the pattern of the tiles, following the grounding patterns he and Ebony used when attempting to control her emotions.
“Every aspect of my day makes me think of her,” he said, voice quieter now. “And it feels like she took the oxygen out of my life when she left.” His throat tightened around the next words. “I still don’t know how to breathe without her.”
The room was quiet for a moment, the weight of his confession sinking into his skin.
“I can’t say I’m shocked,” Leanne said gently. “I suspected it from the way you’ve looked at her from the very beginning.”
Declan let out a breath that felt like it had been sitting in his chest for days.
“She doesn’t know,” he added, his voice rougher now. “And I don’t think she’d know what to do with it if she did.”
Leanne’s gaze held his, steady and grounding.
“Maybe not,” she said. “But that doesn’t make it any less true.”
Declan nodded faintly, his eyes dropping again, but this time there was no tension in the movement. Just weight.
“And I don’t think she walked away because she doesn’t feel something,” Leanne continued, quieter now. “If anything, I think it’s the opposite.”
Declan’s jaw shifted slightly at that, something in his expression tightening, then holding.
“Then why leave?” he asked.
Leanne tilted her head slightly, her voice soft but certain.
“Because for someone like her,” she said, “feeling that much probably doesn’t feel safe yet.”
The kitchen fell quiet around them, the weight of it settling into the space between them. Declan didn’t respond straight away. He stood there, still, the words being the final puzzle piece he needed.
Leanne stepped closer without thinking, her hand lifting to brush lightly against his cheek, and that was when she saw it. The faint track of a tear, already there, already fallen.
Declan didn’t move to wipe it away. He didn’t even seem to realise it was there.
“Oh, sweetheart,” she murmured.
That was enough to crack something open.
Declan exhaled sharply, looking away, his jaw tightening like he was trying to pull himself back into control, but it was already there now. The truth of it. The weight of it.
He nodded faintly, swallowing against the tightness in his throat.
“I haven’t chased her,” he said. “I didn’t want to push her any further away.”
“And that was the right instinct,” Leanne said immediately. “You gave her space. You respected her. But don’t confuse that with disappearing.”
Declan’s gaze lifted to hers, searching.
“If you go quiet now, if you step back completely, she’s not going to see that as patience,” Leanne continued. “She’s going to see it as confirmation.”
“Confirmation?” he asked.
“That you were temporary,” Leanne said gently. “That you’ve already moved on. That what she felt wasn’t… enough to keep you. I felt like that with your dad, after what I experienced.”
Declan’s chest tightened sharply. “No,” he said immediately. “That’s not—”
“I know it’s not,” Leanne cut in softly. “But that’s not how she’ll read it.”
The words settled, heavy and immovable.
“You don’t need to chase her,” Leanne went on, her voice steady, grounded. “But you do need to show her you’re still there.”
Declan frowned slightly. “How?”
“You meet her where she is. You give her space, but you don’t disappear from it. You make it clear you’re not going anywhere,” she paused, then added more quietly, “Because she needs to know she’s worth staying for.”
Declan swallowed, something shifting into place in his chest. It didn’t ease the ache, but it gave it direction. Something he could act on instead of just feel.
Leanne watched him for a moment longer before adding, softer now, “And it’s not just about you.”
Declan’s brow pulled slightly.
“She’s good for Ebony,” Leanne said. “You saw that.”
He had. The way she lit up around Riley. The way she settled, like she didn’t have to translate herself to be understood.
Leanne smiled faintly. “Our girl hasn’t had many people who understand her like that,” she said. “Riley understands.”
Her gaze held his, unwavering.
“I want Riley here. Not just because of you. But because she belongs in our family. She deserves our family.”
Declan exhaled slowly, his hand dragging down over his face again as everything settled into something clearer, something more defined.
He gave her space, because he’d thought respecting her choices was the same thing as loving her properly.
But space wasn’t the same as disappearing, and loving Riley from a distance meant nothing if he let her keep carrying all of this alone just because she thought she had to.
Loving her didn’t mean pushing past her boundaries or forcing her into something she wasn’t ready for, but it also didn’t mean standing still while she convinced herself she had to lose people in order to protect them.
Declan straightened slightly, his posture grounding with the decision.
He loved her, and for the first time since she’d left, that truth felt less like grief and more like direction.
“Okay,” he said quietly.
He caught the shift in his mum’s expression in his peripheral vision, softer now, steadier somehow.
“That’s my boy,” she said gently.
Declan barely heard her, he was already reaching for his keys, movement replacing hesitation before he could second-guess himself.
He wasn’t going to chase Riley in the sense of cornering her or demanding something from her she couldn’t give. But he was going to make sure she knew she wasn’t alone in this anymore, that she didn’t have to keep leaving first just to protect the people she loved.
The door closed quietly behind him. And this time, instead of waiting for Riley to come back, Declan finally moved toward her.