Chapter 28
Reign
The fact that night has fallen, and I haven’t heard anything, confirms that Damien is dead. They’ve probably spent the evening burying his body with the rest of the dead and Ryder is probably hiding in the war room trying to figure out how to tell me.
A few hours ago, being left alone sounded like a good idea but now I feel like I’m drowning in my own thoughts. If he really is gone, waiting to find out won’t change that. I need answers and I need them now.
I burst out of my bedroom with too much force and nearly knock myself out running into Ryder’s stone-hard body.
“I was just coming to find you,” I say as I try to get my bearings. “Just say it. I need to hear it from you.”
“He’s alive.”
Surely, I didn’t hear him right. He couldn’t have just said he’s alive. He just can’t be.
“Did you hear me, Reign?” he says, lifting my chin up. “I said he’s alive.”
Before I can think twice about it, I’m jumping into Ryder’s arms. “It worked!”
“It did,” he repeats as his arms tighten around me, keeping my feet from touching the ground. We stay like that for a few seconds before both of us awkwardly part as the moment passes.
“So,” Ryder attempts to fill the silence that has fallen over us. “Do you want to see him?”
“Yes,” I answer with no hesitation.
Ryder steps forward and I lock my arms around him once again, letting the smoke wrap around us. I expect to be taken to the room Damien was chained up in, but instead we end up in Grimstone.
“He’s getting settled in his room. I figured it’s best he stays here, close by.” Ryder knocks on the outside of the door, but when Damien opens it, I’m the only one standing there.
“You came,” he says, running his eyes down every inch of my body as if I was the one who just died and came back to life.
“You’re alive.”
“Come in,” he reaches for my hand, pulling me into his room and the feeling of his skin against mine sends an electric current throughout my body. “I’m not just alive, Reign. I’m back. I’m me.”
“The curse? It’s really broken?”
“Yes! But that’s not all. The veil separating my mind and all of the magic Slader used to twist my memories of you are gone.
Everything seemed to reset once I died.” The space between us vanishes, and his fingers play with one of my front curls.
The gesture feels so right and so natural that it makes time almost stand still. “I remember everything.”
“This is real? You’re really you again?”
“Yes,” he answers, resting his forehead on mine.
“I’m so sorry.” Our breaths sync with one another like two souls reuniting.
He steps back to look at me and grabs both of my hands in his.
“I wish I could undo all the pain I’ve caused you.
I’ll never be able to make it up to you, but I promise on my life that I will never hurt you again. ”
There’s so much sadness and regret behind his eyes that it makes my heart ache.
He’s been through so much and he didn’t deserve any of it.
Neither of us did. Now, we’re just two people who have been gifted a second chance at life.
He’s still so much a part of me and yet, when I look at him, I can’t help but see the person who betrayed me.
It’s as if he’s two people in one body and my mind can’t seem to separate the two.
The curse may have been broken and Slader’s magic may be reversed, but the damage that was caused can’t just be undone.
Of course, I would love nothing more than to give myself over to the love we once knew.
To be the girl who jumps without thinking and does what she wants, consequences be damned.
But I’m not her. I know that if I let go of all restraint and fall back into those old feelings, it will only feel good for a moment because the truth is we’ll never be what we were.
Maybe with time we’ll be something else, maybe even something better, but it’ll never be the same.
Even without me blaming him anymore, the trust I used to have in him is gone.
My throat strains as the tears attempt to escape.
His smell is so familiar and yet the feeling of his hands around mine feels wrong.
Even if my mind could somehow forget the version of him that had been corrupted by the king, my body can’t.
The memory of his cold stare still burns into my mind looking at him now.
Mother, I wish it could just be simple. That I could bury myself in his chest and melt into his kiss.
But I can’t be that na?ve girl anymore. Whatever the intentions were, the men in my life have chosen to lie and deceive me.
My father with his involvement in the rebellion and with who I really am and where I came from.
Damien with the king’s curse and the part he played in my torture.
Ryder with my father’s death and the promise he made to watch over me.
Trust is everything and time after time, it has been broken.
By some miracle, I died and came back to life.
I’m not the girl I once was, and I don’t want to be her again.
I’ve worked too hard and come too far to continue blindly trusting those who haven’t earned it.
It’s time I start putting myself first and if that means keeping Damien at arm’s length until I know I can trust him, then that’s what I need to do.
“I know you’re sorry,” I finally say. “I’m sorry, too.” There’s a flash of pain across his face when I pull my hands away. “I’m happy you’re alive. And that you’re you again. I really am, but I need time.”
His gaze drops for only a moment. “I’ll wait. For however long it takes, Reign.”
A single tear runs down his face and it’s more than I can bear.
I turn and slip out of the room before he has a chance to see the stream of tears fall from my eyes.
As I follow the long, dark hallway lined with a maroon rug leading me to the main staircase, my feet can’t seem to move fast enough.
When I reach the large steel door at the bottom of the staircase, I let my whole body slam into it.
A second later, I’m greeted by the death-like lands that are starting to become a way of comfort to me.
Up here there are no expectations. The skulls and bones left beneath the ashy dirt don’t care about me.
They don’t demand to know my thoughts or care to hear my cries.
They aren’t impressed with power or skill. I’m nothing to them.
“What happened? Are you okay? Did he do something to you?”
The questions being fired at me interrupt the moment of quiet calm that had embraced me only seconds ago. I’m no longer alone with the dead as I wish to be.
“It’s fine. I’m fine.” I answer, quickly wiping away the tears before turning around. “I just don’t want to think about anything right now. Not about Damien, or being a phoenix, or the coming war, or how I’m feeling. I just want to shut it all off.”
Ryder doesn’t stay in front of me long enough for his smoke to fully clear before he grabs ahold of my waist, taking me with him. When we land in the Center, everyone stares at us before frantically dispersing when Ryder orders them to clear the room.
“What are you doing?” I ask with my arms crossed.
“You need a distraction, and your kicks need work.”
“They do not!” I argue, taking offense.
He glances at me sideways as if to say, “trust me they do.”
“Fine,” I say with an overly dramatic huff. “Show me how to be better so I can kick your ass.”
“Oh, darling,” he purrs as he circles me. “You’ll never be able to kick my ass.”
“We’ll see about that.” I drop low and sweep my leg underneath him, but annoyance immediately sets in when he vaporates and appears perfectly stable a few feet away with a superior look written all over his face.
“What was that you were saying?”
“Don’t you have king duties to attend to?”
“And miss out on embarrassing you? Nope.” Before I can come up with a proper comeback, he’s grabbing my right leg out from under me. “Kick my hand as hard as you can.”
I do as he says, not holding back as my foot makes contact with his palm.
“Again.”
I kick three more times before he stops me.
“You’re not following through. You’re pulling back too soon.
” He pauses, looking around the room. “Come here.” He walks me over to one of the weighted bags that hangs a few inches off of the ground and steps behind it.
“I want you to kick the bag and imagine your foot splitting the middle in half. When your foot hits the bag, don’t stop, keep going. ”
The first couple of kicks has him shaking his head, but the third one earns a slight nod of approval. After a few rounds, I can really feel a difference. Not only because the bag is swaying a little more, but because it feels like my foot is breaking through an invisible barrier.
“Thatta girl. How’s that feel?”
“Powerful. I don’t feel like I’m kicking a concrete wall anymore.”
“Good. Now let’s work on that back leg, shall we?”
I follow him back over to one of the sparring mats and he stands beside me, instructing me to kick the air. As I do, he kneels down to adjust my back foot still glued to the mat.
“You’re putting too much of your weight on the ball of your foot. You need to keep your heel planted and dig your whole foot in so that you have more support on your back leg.”
As he’s moving my foot around, I completely lose balance. I try to catch myself, but it’s no use, I’m already on top of him. Before things can get awkward, I quickly try to get up, but I’m instantly pulled back down.
“Wait, you’re stuck.”
I watch as he attempts to untangle my jacket zipper from a chain hanging from the holster strapped around his chest.
“How did this even happen?” I ask, trying to fill the silence.
“I don’t know, but it’s stuck in there good.”
“Let me try,” I insist.
I reach for the tangled mess but end up jabbing my elbow into his stomach when I’m unable to keep myself upright.
He reflexively sits up and his forehead slams into mine, sending a wave of dizziness my way.
By now, I’m practically sitting in his lap, which might bother me if I wasn’t so distracted by the throbbing pain pulsating through my head.
“Shit, I’m sorry.” He grabs my head in his hands, drawing my focus. “Look at me. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I promise. “It’s my fault anyway.”
He rubs his thumb over a tender spot on my forehead. “Oh no, it’s starting to swell.”
I reach for the spot he just touched and feel the giant welt taking form.
There’s a slight moment of embarrassment imagining what it must look like but then a fit of laughter starts to take over.
I don’t even think it’s that funny, but it’s as if my body needs the release of emotion after everything with Damien.
“We’re a mess,” I manage between giggles.
“We? You’re the one who caused all of this,” he playfully accuses as he continues to work on untangling the chain.
“You did this on purpose,” I counter. “You pulled my foot out from under me.”
“Oh, darling. You needed no help losing your balance with that atrocious stance of yours.”
I do my best to look offended, but when our eyes meet something shifts between us. The playfulness is gone and now it’s just the two of us, inches from one another. His gaze drops to my lips for only a moment, but it’s long enough to make my heartbeat start to race.
“There you guys are!” In unison, our heads snap to the side to find Emeric and Amaya. “Uh… are we interrupting something?” Emeric asks as they make their way to us.
“No! Of course not,” I immediately blurt out. “We’re stuck.”
Amaya hustles over and kneels down beside us, taking a look at the intertwined cluster. “Jeez, how did this even happen?”
“Your guess is as good as ours,” I offer.
“We’ve been looking all over for you! Artemus told us about Damien. I can’t believe it freaking worked!” Emeric chimes while Amaya works her fingers through the pile of mess.
“Where’s Akari?” Ryder asks.
“She went to go see Damien,” Emeric answers with the rise of his eyebrows.
Amaya looks up at me and Ryder and says, “I’d love to be a fly on that wall.”
“Hopefully she goes easy on him, and they can work their stuff out,” Em adds. “With everything going on with my brother, she could use his friendship right about now."
"Got it!" Amaya throws up her hands in victory.
I quickly slide off of Ryder’s lap and he stands, offering me his hand. I take it but let go the moment my feet are planted.
“Damn, Reign. Did you slam your head into a stone wall?” Emeric chirps when he sees the lump taking up a fifth of my face.
I glance at Ryder who’s wearing an apologetic expression. “Pretty much.”
“I’m sure you three have some catching up to do, so I’ll leave you to it.”
Emeric starts to say something, but Ryder is already gone before he even gets two words out. Amaya gives me a weird look that I can’t quite read, but she doesn’t say anything. She just throws an arm over my shoulder and walks me over to where Emeric is waiting for us.
“So, what happens now?” Em asks without needing to elaborate.
“I have no fucking clue.”