Chapter 33
Ryder
Everything went perfectly today. They have agreed to join us, Reign agreed to the arrangement, and their fleet is exactly what we need.
Plus, I got a chance to assess their fighters firsthand and I must say they’re quite impressive.
Clearly well trained and unified. We accomplished everything we came here to do.
I should feel elated but instead my mind keeps going back to her.
What could Damien have said to her to make her lose control like that? Actually, no. It’s none of my business.
Still, I can’t help but notice there’s tension between the two of them. Ever since we sat down for dinner, Reign hasn’t looked at him once despite his many attempts to catch her eye. I told her to stay away from him, but I didn’t think she would completely ignore the poor guy.
Mother, she’s driving me completely mad, and she doesn’t even realize it.
She just sits there, throwing her head back in laugher not even noticing how she lights up the room.
After everything she has been through, she should be a shell of a person.
Yet here she is, absolutely radiating strength and resilience. It’s incredible.
“How’s the salmon?” Zaro asks, snapping me out of the thoughts I shouldn’t even be having.
“It’s by far the best I’ve ever had, and I’ve been around a long time,” I commend with the raise of my fork.
“I’m going to be dreaming of it when we’re back in the Shadow Lands,” Amaya mumbles with a mouthful.
“You guys head back in the morning, right?” Ion chimes in.
“Yes. We’ll sleep here for the night, but we’ll be needing to get back.”
“It’s a shame you couldn’t stay longer,” he adds. “It’s been nice having you all here.”
“Just gives us all the more reason to come visit again once this is all over,” Reign assures.
“You’re welcome here anytime.” Nio reaches for her hand.
What gives him the right to think he can touch her? He just met her a day ago. I almost wish they didn’t agree to join our side so I would have no reason to stop myself from removing his hand from his body.
“Might wanna let go of that knife before you break it in half,” Amaya whispers with a sly grin like she’s read my mind. “He’s not your competition, anyway.”
“You’re annoyingly observant.”
“You’re just not very good at hiding it,” she quips, turning back to her food.
“There’s nothing to hide,” I argue under my breath, but she just laughs.
“Keep telling yourself that.”
Both of them. Insufferable twisted sisters. Whatever she thinks she’s picking up on, she’s wrong. I can admire Reign and feel the need to protect her without it being anything more.
“Alright, since tonight is your last night here, how about we make it one to remember?” Ion suggests.
“What did you have in mind, my love?”
“It’s not a proper visit without a Seacap.”
“Of course! You’re brilliant.” Danielle turns to Reign and adds, “I knew I married him for a reason.”
“What’s a Seacap?” Reign asks her.
“It’s like a nightcap, but better,” Danielle answers with a grin. “Let’s get going! You guys will want to change into something a little warmer.”
Once we’re all back downstairs with our layers on, Zaro puts us into a circle and releases the midnight powder. A moment later, we’re standing on a black sand beach lined with at least a hundred bonfires. Music plays in the distance and the moon shines overhead in all its glory.
To my left, four wolves go chasing one another along the shore. One rolls into the waves and quickly jumps up to shake the water off while another one lets out a loud howl.
“Here we like to celebrate our gifts.” Nio tilts his head up to the two dozen dragons flying in the star speckled sky.
“This is beautiful.” Amaya gawks at the view of witches performing magic nearby and a set of chimeras wrestling around one of the fires. “Back in the realms we don’t really do this. Our gifts are usually saved for training or work.”
I instantly feel a blanket of shame cover me. She’s right. We don’t celebrate The Mother’s gifts like we should. Nazrelia is the best about it, but even then, it’s nothing like this.
“Maybe that’s something we should change, starting with the Shadow Lands.” Amaya beams with excitement at my suggestion and it makes me feel hopeful for the future.
Being here has reminded me why it’s so important to visit the other territories.
There is always room for improvement and there’s not just one way of doing things.
Looking around now only confirms that we made the right decision seeking their allegiance.
These are good people and good leaders. It seems I could learn a thing or two from them.
“Here. Cover the logs with these blankets and take a seat,” Danielle politely orders the group.
We huddle around one of the large bonfires and settle in.
Reign’s eyes are locked on the flames dancing in the middle of our circle, and I wonder if she’s wishing she could transform into her phoenix along with all the other Entities.
Guilt begins to sink in, thinking that I’m the reason she’s holding back.
I wish keeping her safe didn’t mean hiding her abilities.
She’s remarkable and the world should know. Just not yet.
“Take one and pass it around,” Zaro says, handing a bag to Damien.
“What are these?” Damien pulls something white and round out of the bag and squishes it between his fingers.
“They’re meltpuffs!” Danielle replies as she pierces one with a metal stick.
“You cook them over the fire, and they get all gooey on the inside.” She carefully extends her arm so that the white puff is over the flames.
We watch as she rotates it, making sure each side turns a golden brown.
When she’s satisfied, she smashes it in a sandwich-like treat and white oozes around the outsides. “Here. Try it.”
Damien takes a bite and immediately moans with pleasure—a sound I had hoped to go my whole life without hearing.
“That’s star sent, Dani!”
“I know, right? It’s the best part about Seacaps. Ion likes when his catches fire and burns, but I think that ruins the flavor.” She makes a disgusted face before adding, “Who wants to try?”
Amaya shoots her hand into the air and Danielle begins passing out metal sticks to everyone. She assists Amaya for a moment before taking a seat next to her brother who is finishing off the last of his sandwich.
Through the flickering flames I can see Reign is lost in thought as she twirls her meltpuff around in the fire. Despite her looking right at it, it begins to run off the end, eventually slipping off to be swallowed by the flames.
Before I can think better of it, I’m standing over her asking if she’d like to join me for a walk.
As if I had given her the permission she had been waiting for, she hands her stick to Amaya and steps over the log.
Without having to turn around I can feel the pairs of eyes burning into our backs as we walk away from the group, making our way closer to the rising waves.
My educated guess would be that they belong to Damien, Nio, and Amaya.
No doubt the last one is grinning from ear to ear, thinking me pulling Reign is another sign of my affection for her.
In truth, I want to apologize for telling her to hide who she is.
That’s not my call to make. It should be up to her.
I’m just so used to being in control that sometimes I forget others should be allowed to make their own choices.
But I want to do better. I want to be better, and that starts with her.
“Thanks,” she says, looking up at me. The moonlight illuminates her skin in a way that makes her appear drained of color, yet somehow more dazzling.
“For what?”
“Getting me out of my head.” She looks down and runs her bare foot through the sand, letting it cover her.
“I wanted to apologize, actually.”
Her head snaps up. “For what?”
“For telling you to hide that you’re a phoenix from them. It wasn’t my place and I have no right asking you to keep a secret. I want to learn from my mistakes, and I was wrong to ask that of you.”
She smiles at me like I said something funny.
“I appreciate the sentiment, but you were right. I had already been thinking about it before you brought it up. The truth is, it’s not safe yet.
” She pauses, looking back down at the smooth, black beach.
“Besides, when I show people who I am, I want to be able to do it with confidence. I want to be able to show them what being a phoenix means, and right now I’m still trying to figure that out for myself. ”
“So, you’re not bothered by the fact that you can’t transform right now like everyone else?”
She tilts her head up at me. “The only thing I’m upset about is not being able to fly like them.
” Her eyes lift up to the dragons who are diving and shooting streams of fire into the air.
“Even if I could transform, I wouldn’t be able to join them.
” Her eyes drift back to mine. “Which is all the more reason to get back home.”
Hearing her call the Shadow Lands “home” thaws some part deep inside me.
“Then I guess we have a training session planned when we return.”
“Good because I’m ready to learn how to walk,” she says with a proud smile.
“Oh really? You think you’re ready for that, huh?” I tease, but I know she’s ready. She’s a quick learner and there’s no doubt in my mind she’s been working overtime to gain control over her wings. She’s like me in that way, I suppose. Always needing to fight for control.
“Uh huh,” she declares with a nod. “Pretty soon you won’t be able to catch me.” She turns around and starts to sprint down the dark beach, but my shadows are already wrapping themselves around her. She stops and spins around, throwing her hands up in defeat. “Hey, that’s not fair!”
By now I tower over her, blocking the glow of the full moon. “You’ll never outrun my shadows, Princess.”
“Then I’ll just have to chase them away,” she purrs as a tornado of flames create a fiery barrier around her.
I immediately retract my shadows and she releases the inferno, allowing her flames to dissipate.
And that’s when it hits.
Standing here, watching her claim my shadows as her prey, I can no longer deny my feelings for her.
At least not to myself. Because as much as I want to keep convincing myself that she’s just a pretty girl who needs saving, I know that’s not true.
She’s far more than just a pretty girl and she doesn’t need me to save her.
She’s been saving herself her whole life.
If anyone needs saving, it’s me.
Her claws are so deep in me now that there’s nothing more I can do.
There’s no running from it—from her. There’s no more telling myself I only care for her because of the promise I made to her father.
No more making excuses for why my thoughts seem to always come back to her.
No more trying to convince myself that I only feel a responsibility to her because of what my own father did to her.
How did I get here? How did I let this happen?
Even now, I seem to be in some sort of trance, watching her run along the water’s edge, retreating when the waves rush up. How na?ve I was to think I could get close to her and not fall into her deadly trap.
The truth is, I never stood a chance against her. Not with those dangerously captivating eyes staring back at me or that heavenly scent that seems to trap me with memories of her.
I was always under her spell. I was just too blind to see it.
Still, knowing this… admitting it to myself, doesn’t change the fact that I will never be able to have her. Every part of me knows that if I was weak for just a moment too long, it would kill her. One sweet kiss and she would cease to exist.
That is my curse.
It is my burden to bear which is why she can never know what she means to me. She already carries the weight of the realms on her shoulders, she doesn’t need to carry this, too.
Her heart is too pure to know that every second I’m around her is a perfect mixture of paradise and torture. That truth would only kill her. So instead, I’ll suffer in silence, cherishing every moment of my slow death, knowing that I am nothing more than a moth to her flame, begging to be burned.