Chapter Five #3
Cala was the only bright spot in these awful days.
Another tooth had come through, so she was happier not to be dealing with that, and she loved all the time they were spending with her.
Baby giggles could lift even his spirit—but it was never long before he remembered anew what had happened, remembered that he would never again find Tor with Cala in the early hours of the morning, tickling her tummy and telling her that she was the very best baby that had ever existed.
She was the best baby, but Tor was the best brother, and Var wasn’t sure how he’d forgotten that.
Remembering it now was cold comfort.
And when Cala was napping, it felt like all the light had gone out of the room. Var was left in this new reality that he didn’t like at all and which he’d brought upon himself.
If Tor had had all his magic, he would probably have been able to defend himself against the mercenaries. If he’d been strong enough to protect Cala for certain, the whole ruse might not have been necessary.
Var’s mind endlessly looped over all the possibilities that didn’t matter anymore, because that wasn’t what had happened. Var had bound his brother’s magic, and as a result, he’d lost him.
And now Var was in Nostex’s castle, being protected by Nostex’s guards, and aware that he needed to come up with a plan.
He hoped that Darmila was having more luck uncovering the conspirators.
Part of Var felt like he needed to get rid of everyone and start over, but that was hardly fair to all those people—many, he hoped—who were and always had been loyal to him.
But how many was that? If Yomil was against him, who else? How many people did it take to plot treason?
It was a question that worried Var quite a bit.
“You said there was an external fighting force,” Nostex pointed out when Var raised the issue with him after lunch one afternoon, when they’d all retired to a sitting room. “That suggests there wasn’t a large enough force to perform the attack internally.”
Or it hadn’t fit Yomil’s narrative that Tor was responsible for the attack. Although perhaps that would have worked with guards as well. Yomil could have claimed they’d been turned by Tor.
Guards had fought the mercenaries, and Nawila and Pamuna had protected Cala, and absolutely everyone wasn’t against Var.
Nostex continued. “Would you say that anyone else was acting oddly? Trying to tell you that there was a problem with Prince Torex?”
Var had been poring over every interaction he could bring to mind over the last few days, and mostly, it had succeeded only in giving him a headache. He was questioning everything, but it wasn’t like every word Yomil had spoken over the years had been a lie, or Var would have noticed that.
He’d gotten away with it because he’d been clever.
But how many others had he succeeded in convincing? And was that even fair? It wasn’t like Var had hidden his own disapproval of Tor’s behavior, and looking back now, he couldn’t be certain that people hadn’t interpreted that as disapproving of Tor in his entirety.
He didn’t think anyone had been particularly censorious—but perhaps that had been a ruse so that no one would get suspicious.
Ugh! This was impossible.
“I always thought the captain of the guard didn’t like Torex,” Ferna offered uncertainly.
Var had considered that.
“There was some friction when she replaced Tor in the role,” Var agreed. “But I don’t think it’s more than that.”
Quite frankly, if she’d been in on the conspiracy, Var didn’t think they’d be here right now.
He couldn’t imagine Darmila holding the lives of the guards so cheaply, either.
She’d worked with many of them for years, and the attack hadn’t spared them.
Var didn’t even know how many had been killed yet.
Ferna made a face. “I complained about him a lot.”
Var’s lips tipped up. “And are you conspiring against me or him?”
Her eyes flew to his, wide and appalled. “Of course not!”
He leaned in to press a reassuring kiss to her lips. “I know that the two of you didn’t get along. You can simply not like someone and still not be conspiring against them.”
Ferna sagged against him and confessed in a whisper, “I still feel like I did something wrong. I didn’t like him very much. But he gave his life to protect Cala! I didn’t… I wouldn’t have thought that, and I was so wrong. I’m sorry!”
Apparently, she’d had a number of the same doubts as Var. Something dark and guilty snaked through Var. He’d known Ferna and Tor didn’t get along, but how hard had he really worked to change that?
He’d gotten frustrated and assumed there would be more time. Because he apparently hadn’t learned his lesson with the deaths of his parents that you could never be certain of what the future would bring.
He could have done so much… Now, he would never be able to do more than tell Ferna and Cala stories about the man they were never going to get to know properly in person.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled against his shoulder.
He cupped the back of her neck and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
“You have nothing to apologize for.”
Maybe she’d contributed a little to what had happened, but the majority of the blame rested with Var.
His poor choices had brought them to this state.
Cala woke up, scrunching up her face and then letting out a surprisingly loud yell when all her needs weren’t met instantly.
Pamuna might have changed a lot of the baby’s diapers since she’d been born, but both Ferna and Var had done their fair share as well.
Nostex patted Var on the shoulder and leaned in to press a kiss to Ferna’s forehead.
“I’ll leave you to it, my dear.”
A few nights into their stay, they were awoken by the sound of yelling, and Var was shielding all of them before he’d even begun to process what was happening. Ferna scooped the baby out of her cradle, and they cuddled Cala between them.
Var’s heart hammered in his chest. He wasn’t making the same mistake twice.
The castle could burn down around them, and Var would still be here, protecting his family.
But that did mean he couldn’t go see what was going on, and that made for a nerve-racking wait until there was a polite tap on the door that Var really couldn’t imagine was from an attacker.
Besides, surely they would have heard the sounds of someone attacking the guards outside the door.
He kept the shield up just the same.
“Come in!” he called.
It was King Nostex who stuck his head in. He had a robe pulled over a nightgown and didn’t look as put-together as normal, his graying hair a tangle around his face.
When he saw the three of them clustered on the bed surrounded by a shield, he grimaced, face distressed.
“I’m so sorry about that disturbance. I’m afraid one of the servants was caught stealing, and when he was confronted, he attempted to make a run for it. It took a few of my guards to stop him, but everything is quite all right now. You aren’t in any danger. I apologize for the disturbance.”
Var’s gut clenched at the thought of letting the shield go. Which was absurd, because there was clearly no threat now, and yet…
Jaw tight, Var made himself pull his magic back into himself. Permanent shields weren’t possible, and he’d save his magic for when it might really be needed.
“I’m sorry to hear about that,” he managed to say after a too-long delay.
“I’ll let you get back to sleep,” Nostex told them, expression chagrined. “I apologize again for the disturbance. The guards are right outside, and everything is fine.”
He closed the door behind him, and Ferna and Var stared at one another for a long moment.
Var blew out a breath that felt a little shaky.
“That was totally normal. It could have happened anywhere.”
“Right,” Ferna agreed, still looking too pale, especially with her fiery hair coming out of its braid, strands free around her face. “Completely normal.”
“Let’s put the baby between us,” Var suggested.
A little of the tension left Ferna’s body. “All right.”
There was no reason why Cala wouldn’t be safe in the cradle right next to the bed, but apparently neither of them were willing to risk it.
Ferna laid back down, and they nestled Cala in between them with pillows above and below her.
It took a long time for Ferna’s eyes to finally fall closed, and Var found himself watching her and the baby sleep until dawn cast a pink glow through the window.
His eyes felt gritty and heavy, but he felt better for having ensured they were all right. Nothing could ever make up for his failure towards Tor and his near failure with Cala, but he would do everything in his power to ensure nothing like that ever happened again.
Nostex took one look at him at breakfast and ordered him to bed.
“You can’t possibly function without sleep! Don’t be ridiculous.”
It was a lot like getting scolded by a parent. Var was thirty-five years old and the High King of the United Realms, and tears still prickled at his eyes. He’d insisted to Ferna that he was totally fine, but it seemed like Nostex wasn’t going to let him get away with it.
Var still wasn’t sure about leaving his family, though, and Ferna noticed his hesitation.
“We can have a quiet morning together,” she assured him. “At least once Cala goes down for her nap.”
“If you want, I can take her for a few hours,” Nostex offered.
Thankfully, Ferna turned him down before Var had to figure out how to be diplomatic.
“It’s all right, Father. I’m still not ready to let her out of my sight. Honestly, I think she’ll be forty, and I’ll still feel the same way.”
Nostex’s expression softened. “Ah, yes, a mother’s love for her child. I know better than to argue against that.”
Ferna and Var had always been fiercely protective of their baby, but now they knew real danger was out there. They’d redouble their efforts and make sure that Tor’s sacrifice hadn’t been in vain.