48. Chapter 43
Chapter 43
Raven
C aelan began packing as soon as he returned from his meeting with his father. When he told me why, I wanted to scoop up everything he put in his case and toss it back out again.
“So we will travel the empire with me on display? The blood of your enemy, conquered and forced to her knees. Now just a whore, just a nothing.” I lifted my chin but my lip quivered at the prospect.
“Being a prince’s companion is not nothing. It’s a position of honor,” Caelan said.
I laughed. “Do you really believe that?”
“No. But I also know that your feelings on it don’t matter. My own don’t even matter. This is what must be done.”
“So I become a weapon wielded by your father to help him keep his throne.” The irony tasted bitter in my mouth. But Caelan was no support.
“What did you think would happen when you came back here?” he snapped. “You could’ve left at the river. You could’ve run off and disappeared into the anonymity Los offered you. But you wanted this.”
“I’ve lived with anonymity all my life. It could not give me what I wanted.”
“And now you see what it’s like to live without it.”
Caelan’s words were cruel but true. I’d sought this. I’d come to this court with the intention of using my name as a weapon. I just hadn’t expected that weapon to fall into enemy hands.
My public humiliation at dinner had been a sobering lesson on my new reality. Though I’d spent my life being treated more as an icon than a person, I had never experienced anything as exposing and dehumanizing as last night’s dinner. To have a hundred eyes on me as I slurped food off a plate like Caelan’s pet…I shivered just thinking about it. I would do anything to avoid another experience like that. Yet even as I vowed to myself that it would never happen again, my nipples hardened at the memory. My face flamed with shame and wetness gathered between my legs.
I had hated it. But I had liked parts of it, too. I’d liked hating it. Something I would never let Caelan know. It was bad enough that he knew I’d enjoyed the thrashing he gave me. That was my own fault, the way I melted into the pain, growing greedier with every stripe he painted across my back.
He’s a Slayer , I reminded myself. And it's my mission to kill him.
I dug into the well of hatred that formed the core of me. For my whole life, it had powered my every choice, my every feeling. I didn’t even know who I’d be without it, and it didn’t let me down now. Rage flowed into my limbs along with righteous indignation and dread at what Caelan’s trip to the Blood Lakes would put me through.
“Don’t bother to pack,” Caelan said. His voice was neutral, bordering on cruel. “I’ll have it taken care of. I need to be sure your clothes are suitable.”
I took a deep breath to quell the panic that rose at the thought of the dresses he might put me in. Being humiliated before the court was one thing. I despised every lord and lady there. They’d cursed my name since my birth and I’d cursed theirs. When I got my vengeance, their blood would coat the richly tiled floor of that great hall.
But the common people? Some of these men and women had once fought alongside my father. In the shadowed corners of taverns and farmhouse tables across Vaharilar, my name was not a curse. It was a source of hope. People still carved ravens into wood and drew it on cloth. Now I traveled to the Blood Lakes, the region once ruled by my father and his house. I would not have those people see me brought low. I couldn’t stand that. I really couldn’t.
“Will you tell me what is planned for our trip so I may prepare myself?” I tried to speak with dignity and not let my fear creep into my voice, but Caelan heard it anyway.
He offered a cruel smile and walked from the room.
Fine. Well, I'd just have to kill him before we got there.
When, the next morning, practical riding pants in rich fabrics meant for royalty were laid out for me, I felt relief. Until I saw what else was meant to be part of my costume. I hovered over the chair, utterly still, my fingers half-outstretched to touch it.
It wasn’t that I hadn’t worn a collar before. I wore Caelan’s delicate metal collar right now. I’d always been someone’s property, and marked as such in one way or another. But I’d never worn one quite like this.
The collar was much wider than I’d worn before, almost the width of my hand. It was made of thick leather, richly-scented. I would not be able to dip my chin to hide my face. My shame would burn for all to see.
On the front, below my chin, the sigil of House Havard was proudly displayed: the severed black head of a dragon dripped red blood on a gold background. The mark of the house I despised would be almost as prominent as my own face.
On the band, a pattern had been etched. I leaned forward a little to make it out. It was feathers, the scratches in the leather delicate and rather beautiful.
“Do you like it?” Caelan’s voice startled me.
I almost spun to glare at him, but my eyes were wet with dread and hopelessness, which I couldn’t let him see.
Be strong, my daughter, said the deep voice. Trust the path.
I swallowed and tried to blink away the wetness. “It’s not really my colors.”
He chuckled. “I considered iron. You know how I prefer it. But you have to think of the crowds, you know. They will come to see you, Raven, and I want them to be able to see what you are, even from far away.” He came behind me and slipped his arms around my waist as his words entered me, chilling me like a dip in the river.
I was naked, and his hands were warm. My core tightened as his palms caressed my stomach. They tickled, tracing the healing gash he’d cut in me. It had closed without infection, though it was still pink and itchy. It was the least of the ways he’d wounded me, I thought.
“And what am I?” I whispered. I meant to mock him with the question, to continue the sparring game of words we perpetually played. But when the question came out, it sounded weak instead, and genuinely curious. Perhaps I’d been asking myself all my life.
“You’re mine.” His hot breath on my neck made my nipples harden.
He hummed a little moan, his hand rising until he cupped my breast gently. “Shall I fuck you before we ride out?” He pinched a nipple and I gasped. My back arched unintentionally against him, pressing my backside to his hardening cock.
I wanted to pull from his grasp and snarl at him. I wanted to shout my denial and throw the collar at his face like a child. Better yet, I’d unsheathe the sword at his belt and run him through. He could bleed on the collar until the golden leather turned red.
But I did not move. My body betrayed my mind and I hovered in his grip.
He pinched the other nipple. Harder, sharper this time. Wetness and heat flooded between my legs.
“You didn’t answer,” he said coldly.
“No,” I said, but my voice wavered.
He chuckled, his laughter thrumming through his chest. He’d pulled me tight against him and I felt his heartbeat speeding up to match my own.
His hand snaked down my stomach to the slit between my legs. A finger slipped into the hottest part of me, seeking the truth. He smiled when he found it. I could hear his cheeks stretch in the quiet. “You’re a damned liar, Raven.” His finger began to stroke me, teasing and light.
I wanted to groan and press myself tighter to him, but my pride held me frozen.
“Tell me the truth, now.”
I swallowed back my words. As long as I remained silent, his finger continued its work, trailing up and down my slit, circling gently on my sensitive nub and dipping just the tiniest bit into my opening. I thrust my hips forward to make him come inside. But at my movement, his touch disappeared.
I gasped at the loss.
“The truth, Raven,” Caelan’s cold voice demanded from behind me. “It’s not like I can’t taste it on my hand.”
I could hear him bring his finger to his mouth. He sucked on it, sampling my juices. My face burned, which only made new wetness flood to replace what he’d taken away on his finger. But I still refused to speak.
“Lie on the bed.”
My body obeyed before my mind could protest. I snuck a glance at Caelan as I turned. His eyes fixated on the hot, throbbing place between my legs. As soon as I lay down, he stepped over me and thrust my legs wide with his hands.
I thought he would fuck me and I felt grateful. I was too aroused to be disgusted with myself, though I knew it would come later.
But that was not what Caelan had in mind.
Instead, he lowered himself to his knees with my thighs on either side of his head.
He blew softly and I shivered as his cool breath reached my hot slit. I arched my back and widened my legs, bringing my hot center closer to his face.
He breathed in deep. “I can smell your arousal, Raven. The scent of what you want—what you are— is all over you, even if you won’t speak the words. Do you think others will be able to smell it, too?”
His fingers swept across my slit and I gasped. But instead of lingering to tease me, his hand continued up to my breast, leaving a trail of my own wetness behind. As I shuddered, he dipped to my slit again. His fingers toyed at my opening, teasing me, making me thrust forward, wanting more. But Caelan would not give me what I wanted. He pulled his fingers away again, this time dragging them along my forearm.
I growled.
“Yes?” he asked conversationally as he did it again. This time, he deposited my wetness on the side of my thigh, stopping to squeeze my buttocks as he went. “Do you want something?”
The words clumped together at the back of my throat. I still would not release them.
“Slaves have no pride,” Caelan said quietly. “And companions may keep nothing from their owners. You are mine, Raven, and that means your desires, too. You will learn to beg me. But take your time. I’m in no rush.”
He lowered his face to my opening and his tongue flicked out. I gasped at the sudden wet, firm touch. His tongue explored all the places his fingers already had. It caressed the length of my slit. It lazily circled my nub, and then flicked it. It trailed down the center of my slit until it dipped into my opening just enough to make me want more.
I clenched the sheets as my body undulated. I couldn’t stop it. My nipples were hardened peaks and a sheen of sweat had broken out all over my body.
Caelan ignored all of this. He teased me with his tongue, slow and precise. He gave a remarkably good impression of a man who possessed none of the desperate sexual arousal that had overtaken me. It was maddening.
I reached for him, wanting to touch him. To force a moan from him, to force his body to respond. In answer, his hand snaked out to grasp my wrists. He held them down with one hand as his tongue began to suck on my most sensitive part.
A moan escaped me. It was a wanton and desperate sound.
Caelan stopped.
“No, please!” I wanted to say. I even opened my mouth, but I caught the words just before they were released.
His finger replaced his tongue. He gathered my arousal and his spit, and spread the mess across my body. I whimpered as the fluid coated my stomach. When he brought it to my lips and smeared it across my face, I nearly melted. My clit was a hardened, throbbing mass between my legs. I writhed and moaned, pathetic tiny sounds.
“Such a desperate whore,” he murmured, but he sounded appreciative rather than disparaging.
I licked my lips and tasted my own arousal on my tongue. It only made it worse.
“Please,” I yearned to say, but still I held it back.
His fingers came up and swept across my nose. Now all I could smell was my own scent. There was no hiding from the truth, not anymore. I was a wanton whore. I wanted a Slayer to fuck me. I wanted it so desperately that it blotted out all else.
“Do you think every commoner and lord we pass will smell what a slut you are when you ride by?” Caelan asked.
I shivered in ecstasy and denial and the words almost came out. He was still holding my arms down, but my hips bucked and wriggled, speaking loudly of my desperation.
“Beg me.”
“No,” I forced out through clenched teeth.
“Beg me, Raven.”
I growled again, glaring at him with narrowed eyes. It was all I could manage. How did he still seem so self-possessed? His cock was hard, of course, but his eyes held none of the frenzy of lust that was in my own. They focused on me as a hawk tracks on a mouse. Noting every movement, devouring every noise.
Caelan smiled a little and dipped back down between my legs. I let out a moan of frustrated exasperation and arousal as his mouth closed once more on my clit and sucked. He teased my opening but still didn’t fully enter me. He’d figured out how torturous it was for me when he lingered just outside so that’s what he did, never giving me the satisfaction of a finger buried deep.
But despite the tease, my arousal was building. His firm sucking on my clit was taking me there. I was awash in a sea of pleasure. I relaxed into it. Soon, I would get what I wanted without begging. The self-satisfaction of this was almost as glorious as the sensations that shot through my body, electrifying my skin.
“Yes,” slipped out, hardly a word. More like a moan.
I was so close. Almost there. I began to ride his face, hips rising and falling. Shame had left me. There was only pleasure. It built like a force under my skin ready to pour forth like water and flood my whole being.
There, right there. Just a moment more…
My moans were loud now. Caelan groaned in response and the sound thrummed its vibration against my clit, driving me right to the edge.
Until Caelan pulled back. Cold air rushed in to replace him and I groaned, loud and furious. I sounded like an animal but I didn’t care. I wanted to cry.
Caelan stood up and undid his breeches. He was still fully clothed, and he pulled only his cock out, letting the breeches fall to his ankles. He leaned over me on the bed. His cock sought my opening.
I shifted to help him, thrusting my hips up, my hungry cunt seeking the fullness he offered.
But when my hips came forward, he pulled back. The head of his cock—warm, soft skin over a rock-hard center, the rim so defined I wanted to lick along it with my tongue—teased my opening like his fingers and his tongue had before. He almost dipped inside me and then arched his back to move away.
I wanted to scream.
I clawed at him with my newly freed hands, using his body as leverage to lift myself closer to him. But he only moved again. No matter how I wriggled, he would not fuck me. He would not allow me release.
“Use your words, my lady,” he said, the title a mockery. He didn’t want me to forget what I was. His slave. His whore.
But I was past caring about words and names. The arousal that had flooded my body had washed such cares away.
I stared into Caelan’s eyes. My own were bold and full of wanting. His were lined with thick black lashes. I’d never noticed that before. It was the only soft thing about them. They pierced me, sharp as knives. It was not sex he most wanted, I realized. It was my surrender.
“Please,” I begged, my voice weak and wavering. “Please.”
“Please, what?”
“Please, fuck me.” The words cracked.
Caelan raised an eyebrow as I bucked against him again, seeking to sink him in deep. He pulled his hips back.
“Please!” I said more strongly. “Please, fuck me. I need it. Please.”
A little smile climbed up his face as something dangerous flashed in his eyes. He stood up and backed away from me.
“No!” I wanted to say, but at least I held that one back. I breathed in and out, trying not to quiver, waiting on a blade’s edge to discover his next move. I felt like his toy. A thing he played with as he wished. The woman I’d known myself to be was gone.
Caelan went to the chair and bent down to pick up the collar.
I felt suddenly cold.
He studied it with an impassive face. “It’s going to be uncomfortable, but I don’t want you to be able to bow your head. I want you to stare out into the crowd of people witnessing your humiliation and really see them, Raven. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” I whispered. Because I did. I understood he was a fucking asshole who was going to die soon.
“Good. Then beg me for the collar.”
Ice water flooded my veins, cooling the arousal that had nearly burned me up. I raised myself to my elbows, my eyes flashing. “What?”
“You heard me. Beg me for the honor of wearing my collar and I’ll fuck you.”
I sat all the way up. I wanted to stand and march out but my legs were still shaky. “Absolutely not.”
To my surprise, Caelan smiled a full smile. His eyes glowed, as if he’d hoped I’d say that. “Lie back,” he said.
I could disobey. I could try to run past him and out of this room, but Baris would stop me at the door. There was no point. I lay back.
Caelan was still holding the collar as he locked the shackles attached the bed frame around my wrists and ankles, spreading me out wide and open.
He straddled my chest. I had little choice but to look up at him as his hand went to his cock and began to pump it.
My cheeks burned. I thrashed, trying to get away, but of course if the giant sitting on my chest hadn’t been enough to stop me, the shackles would have. Caelan sank his weight more deeply onto me, restricting my breathing. My chest struggled to rise to take in air. A thrill of arousal shot through me at the desperate sensation before Caelan raised his weight again, allowing me breath.
I’d never felt so at someone’s mercy before.
And so humiliated.
He pumped his cock just below my chin as if I were nothing but a chair he sat on. Here I was, a perfectly good woman who had begged to fuck him and he chose to get himself off this way, instead.
“You’re a bastard,” I told him. He only smiled.
His hand pumped efficiently, with none of the gentle exploration he’d displayed with me. His head fell back, but mine could not. I closed my eyes, thinking he was no longer watching, but a moment later, a sharp pain in my cheek made my eyes fly open.
He’d fucking slapped me. Lightly, but still. And fuck if it didn’t shoot another spear of arousal to my core.
“Eyes open,” he said. “You remember the rules.”
I glared.
He dropped his weight onto my chest again. I tried to hold my breath, but his weight forced it out of me. My chest grew hot from lack of air. I tried to take in breath but only succeeded in gasping small bits of it, just enough to remain conscious as Caelan groaned. His cock spasmed beneath his hand and thick, hot streams of his cum flew like spears to land on my chest and cheeks. It shot into my open, gasping mouth. The salty liquid coated my tongue as I struggled for breath.
“Swallow it,” Caelan commanded, and I obeyed. Oh, I obeyed so quickly, closing my mouth and swallowing down all of the liquid he’d put inside me. I licked my lips and swallowed again, desperate to please him.
“Good girl,” he said, his voice soft and weary with pleasure. He released his weight from my chest and I gasped in a deep breath.
“Now they’ll smell me on you, too,” he said, and he began to spread his cum around on my skin. His fingers tickled and teased as they trailed down my chest. They dipped to my nipples and pinched, leaving himself behind there. He spread what remained across my cheeks and forehead, marking me as his.
I’d never felt so ashamed, so exposed.
So aroused.
When he finished, his fingers found my opening once again. He smirked in satisfaction as he felt the fresh wetness that had gathered there.
“You love this,” he said softly.
A tear leaked from my eye and rolled into my hair. There was no use lying anymore. “I love this.”
His cock was as hard as it had been before. Energy buzzed in the space between us, electric. Caelan leaned down to whisper in my ear and I felt afraid. Anything might come next.
“Beg for my collar, Raven. Beg for my collar and I’ll give you everything you want.”
I laughed and another tear rolled into my hairline. I wanted his life. I wanted things he would never give— could never give.
“I want more than an orgasm,” I whispered.
Caelan’s voice came again, firmer this time. It rang with the power of a promise. “Be mine and I will give you more. Surrender to me and I will give you everything …except freedom. You’ll never be free of me again.”
My mind was addled, drunk on desire. The words we spoke were meaningless pillow talk. I ignored the power that thrummed in them, as if a god watched as we swore things to each other in whispers and darkness.
“I’ve never been free. It’s nothing to me.”
“Then beg.”
I swallowed the lump that came into my throat. I ignored the voice in my mind that screamed denial and warning.
“Put it on me,” I whispered, finally giving in. I sank into the surrender. Into my place beneath him. And damn it, it felt so good to lose. “Please, my prince, put your collar on me and make me yours.”
Caelan’s entire body spasmed and then stiffened. His hands shook a little as he lifted the collar.
Gently, he spread the leather open. I lifted my chin to allow him to place it against my neck. His fingers made quick work of the latches at the back.
The scent of leather filled my nose. It was a heady scent, mixed with the scent of our mutual arousal. I tried to dip my chin and found I could not. I did indeed have to hold my head up high. I met Caelan’s eyes.
His were hazel, flecked with small red dots. The round irises were wide open, betraying the shock he felt at my surrender. It lent them a vulnerability I hadn’t seen before. I wondered what he saw in mine.
We stared at each other for long moments, neither of us speaking. Thoughts had left me and I only breathed. I processed the new sensation of his collar around my neck.
Then, so slowly I could almost hear his muscles creaking, Caelan leaned forward until his head hovered above mine. His body slid down the length of me until he lay on top of my spread-eagled body, his cock poised at my opening.
His thick lashes blinked over his eyes, which had gone so soft. Suddenly I was not a whore covered in cum. I was a very precious thing indeed.
“You’re mine, now,” he said, and then he kissed me.
His lips were full and soft. Mine parted to allow his tongue to dip inside and flick against my own. He tasted of cinnamon and sun. His kiss deepened, pressing my head against the bed. It grew urgent, devouring. He poured his need into my mouth and I met it with my own.
Chains jangled as I writhed, thrusting my hips forward once more, begging for a desire I was now sure would be fulfilled.
Yes, there it was. The head of his cock teased my opening once more before he thrust inside in a single sudden motion.
His cock stretched me, pulling me apart—my body and my sanity. He sank in to the hilt and I savored the sensation of fullness. He pulled out and dipped in again, the rim of his cock stroking my walls as he positioned himself deeper.
I exhaled in relief and that, too, he devoured. Caelan’s teeth bit my lip, tugging and teasing. His tongue toyed with mine as if he owned my mouth while his cock claimed my other hole as his, too.
And oh, the glory of each of those thrusts. The pressure of him filling me up so full, the pain of him thrusting just a little too deep. The yearning as he pulled out and the tingling shock of pleasure as he roared back in. My whole body felt charged, like desert air before a storm. My nipples ached to be touched, and as if he knew, Caelan’s hand snaked up to twist one between his cruel fingers.
My hips rose and I bucked against the chains that bound me. I yearned to wrap my legs around him, but feeling my helplessness as I tugged against the chains only made my arousal fly higher.
I moaned inside Caelan’s mouth and he growled inside mine. The frenzy of arousal had overtaken him, finally, and he fucked me as he fought with his sword—with everything he had.
Caelan’s hips twisted, rubbing his pelvis against mine. My pleasure spiked, sharp. It gathered inside me like low clouds, heavy and full and dark. I longed for the clouds to burst, for the rain to come and wash through me like a torrent.
Caelan’s cock sped up, spearing me, claiming me.
“You’re mine,” he said, low and guttural, his mouth still pressed onto my own.
I spasmed. The clouds opened and a torrent of pleasure poured through my body. I screamed as it exploded out from my core, searing me from the inside, wracking my body in spasms until even the tips of my fingers tingled with pleasure and release.
My fingers curled, longing to scratch. The chains jangled as Caelan slammed into me one last time, releasing his seed into me as I floated in the aftereffects of the rain. My mind was fuzzy with clearing clouds. My skin thrummed. The heat was dissipating in my core, spreading out through my body. I sank into a languid state of relaxation.
Caelan collapsed against me and we lay that way for a while, each breathing deeply. Regaining, not only our equilibriums and our breath, but also ourselves.
At length, he slipped out of me and shifted. His fingers went between my legs. I moaned when they dipped inside me. I throbbed with heat and want; I was sensitive but not completely sated. I could’ve begged him to fuck me again, right now. But I didn’t.
His fingers collected the cum he’d emptied into me. He spread it down my inner thighs and then brought his fingers to my mouth for me to suck on.
I took them into my mouth eagerly, tasting the salty liquid. My tongue darted between his fingers, teasing and sucking. His gaze sharpened as he watched me.
Would he take me again? Did he feel the same intense, pulsing desire for more that I did?
Caelan pulled his fingers from my mouth and stood up. I was still chained, spread-eagled, leaking on the coverlet. For a long moment, he swept his gaze up and down my weary, used body. I was sticky and sweaty, covered in fluids, my lips swollen from his kisses. I couldn’t lower my chin because the new collar still encircled my neck.
“All day you’ll feel my cum leaking out of you, coating your thighs. You’ll know you’re covered in it, even your dirty face. When they all look on you, you won’t be able to forget it. They’ll see my collar, but only you and I will know that you begged me for it.” Caelan smiled very widely. “Get dressed. This’ll be fun.”