59. Chapter 53
Chapter 53
Raven
I gasped as the Ravager released me back to reality. My muscles unclenched and fell, exhausted, my daggers dropping into the grass. Above me, men fought and died. I recognized some of them as Caelan’s men, but I only knew Baris by name. I sat up with shaking muscles, looking for Caelan. Hoping he was still alive.
But he was nowhere near me. My eyes scanned further. It was only the broadness of his back that helped me pick him out.
My relief when I saw him was short-lived. He knelt as if he’d fallen. Fighting raged above his head and Baris was with me.
I forced my muscles to help me stand. I refused to lean on the Corpse of the Father for strength.
Anu. The Father. The Ravager. This was all his damned fault and I wouldn’t allow him to help me in even the smallest way. Instead, I let my fury fuel me.
“We have to help Caelan,” I said.
Baris raised an eyebrow. “Funny you say that, my lady, because you were stabbing him not long ago.”
“I know! But I—” How could I explain as battle raged around us? It would take too long. “I made a mistake. Please. We have to help him,” I finished lamely.
Baris’ face split into a grin. “Come on, then. And hurry.”
We fought through the crowd. Rebels rose against Baris only to spin away when they saw me. Loyalists attacked me with fervor and Baris killed them with no care for their service to the crown.
When we reached Caelan, his pants were soaked in blood and his mother lay unmoving in his lap.
I wanted to scream. It should have been me.
Farad had been wrong. My father had been wrong. An entire rebellion rose up once and now, again, based on a mistaken belief that killing Caelan Havard would save the world. Every action I took since I woke up in that cavern with green eyes at four cycles old had been in support of their mission. And they were all fucking wrong.
I was the Arbiter. I was the one who needed to die.
But not yet. If I flipped this dagger around in my hands and used it to pierce my own heart, this crowd of rebels would kill Caelan. And then who would know the truth? Who would kill the Ravager?
Baris took up a position above Caelan and moved like a scorpion, striking all who approached with speed and precision. I stood behind him, guarding the prince and empress. Who would have ever thought I’d protect a Slayer’s life with my own? Destiny sure did have a sick sense of humor.
Armored bodies piled up around us. They came and they fell. My daggers whirled as I filled in every gap Baris left open. But they just kept coming.
One stood out from the others: Farad, in his emerald priest’s robes. He hadn’t been wearing weapons, but he’d gotten ahold of some. The disappointment in his eyes as they found me would have gutted me yesterday. Today? It just made me furious.
He came with a cloud of guards around him. “Let me through, little bird. I will do what you could not.” The tone was piercing, accusatory. But it no longer had power over me.
“Because it does not need to be done. Caelan is not the Arbiter.”
Farad sneered. “You think you know better than your father? Better than I? Tell me, Raven, have you even read the prophecy?”
“I don’t need to read it when the Ravager has told me himself what I need to know.”
Farad’s eyes flashed with fear. “He speaks? Has it progressed so far?”
“Yes. He has been reborn. The end begins.”
Farad’s hand clenched on his weapon and he nodded to the men around him. They surged forward and engaged Baris, six on one.
“Then Caelan’s death is now vital. It cannot wait.”
“Caelan is not the Arbiter! My parents were wrong," I cried. I couldn’t tell him who was. He’d kill me if I did, and I was the only one who could get close enough to kill the Ravager. Tanead had already tried and failed. I'd watched him crawl away, defeated.
“You know nothing of it, Raven! Nothing but what you’re told!” Farad's face transformed, disgust shining through the mask of kindness I’d fallen for. “Look at you. You have your mother’s weakness. It’s made you forget that that demon halfling—” he pointed at Caelan with an accusatory finger “— killed your parents, helped the Father rise, and will burn the world if we let him!”
I saw what Farad was—a bully. A man who loved me only so far as I served him. Like my father, who had sacrificed my life without even trying to save me.
Not like Caelan, who wanted me, traitor or no. Who loved me through all my lies and foibles. Who thought my unbreakable yearning to sink to my knees was something to celebrate. I’d never been loved like that before and I’d be damned if I was going to let Farad take it from me.
“Caelan didn’t kill my parents. He was a child. And he won’t be the one to burn the world. I think maybe he’s the one who will save it.” I took up a fighting stance against my handler, the man I’d once thought of as a surrogate father.
The look he gave me was pitying. “You won’t be around to see how wrong you are.”
“I know,” I said quietly. And then I lunged.
Dread lodged itself in my stomach at the thought of my handler’s blade rising to cut me down, but when it came, the feeling dissipated, replaced by clarity and a sort of relief.
A sneer curled Farad’s lip, his true disdain for me finally flooding through his mask. “You’re weak, Raven. Like your mother. You’ve always been weak. That’s why you could never do what must be done.”
I caught him by surprise with an attack Tanead had taught me and he stumbled back. He was too old to fight with the speed and agility he may once have had, and he had spent his life as a priest and not a warrior. But I couldn’t say the same of the men who fought alongside him. It was all I could do to escape their onslaught as Farad righted himself and came for Caelan again.
His scimitar was swinging for Caelan’s skull when I lunged, screaming Caelan's name. My dagger hardly got there in time, turning back the blade when it was a mere fingerspan from splitting Caelan’s ear.
I didn’t think. I pivoted, raising my other dagger. I sank it into Farad’s gut and this time, I shoved it in to the hilt.
Surprise replaced derision on his features as I tugged the dagger back out. His heart pumped his blood out the wound. It wouldn’t take long.
Only then did sorrow overwhelm me. This man had once been like a father to me. I thought he loved me. It was the loss of this dream that hurt the most.
I knelt down beside Farad and whispered in his ear as the color faded from his face and the light left his eyes. "I want you to know I'll complete our mission. I'll stop the rise of the Ravager. But I'm going to do it my way. I'm sorry," I said, and I meant it. I was sorry for everything he’d done and everything I’d done. Everything except saving Caelan’s life.
Caelan.
Something was wrong with him. Why wasn’t he standing? Why wasn’t he fighting?
If I’d killed him after all…