Chapter 46
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When I have Tess sitting on the living room sofa, exactly where Sawyer ripped my heart in two just minutes ago, I grab the tissues from a side table and put them in front of her.
My hand shakes, and I don’t know if it’s from seeing my friend like this or from the adrenaline of hearing Sawyer’s words.
Yeah. I’m done.
He’s in love with me.
But he doesn’t want me.
I turn around, and Sawyer’s gone. Cold panic floods my body.
Then I hear the refrigerator door open. He didn’t leave.
Yet.
I try to focus on Tess, but all I want to do is follow Sawyer. What would I say to him? My mind races, unable to process everything that happened and is happening. All I know is I don’t want him to leave, not like this.
I spent the entire last week processing the conversation I had with my sisters, everything I had to hide growing up.
Mara’s come over almost every night so she and Gia could help me through it.
My relationship with my sisters is better because of it, but there’s still so much I need to work on.
A week isn’t enough to undo lifelong habits.
They’ve helped me process my reactions to Sawyer, to this town. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect any relationship, let alone this one. When I returned to Blue Ridge, it was temporary. When I arrived, I hated Sawyer.
Before tonight, I thought I figured out what I wanted. To stay here, with him.
But now? Even when we were younger, at least he showed feelings toward me, even if they were the wrong ones. Tonight was different. Sawyer’s never been that cold.
Because I hurt him.
My chest pulls tight. I don’t want to lose him.
I already have.
I shove the invasive thought away. It can’t be true. Not that quickly, not without a fight.
Turning to Tess, I sit next to her and put my arm over her shoulders. Sawyer comes back with a glass of water and the first aid kit Gia keeps under the kitchen sink. He kneels in front of her.
“Tell us what happened,” he says, voice so warm for her.
He begins tending to cuts I hadn’t noticed on her bare arms and legs, reminding me of the way he cared for me during the blizzard. I blink and focus.
Tess sniffles. “It was CJ. He showed up completely wasted. I opened the door without looking—I was so stupid.”
“No,” I say vehemently. “This isn’t your fault.”
Tess hiccups. “He shoved his way in and broke my phone.” She lets out a humorless laugh and looks at me. “I was talking to my brother.”
Sawyer stands, phone already in hand and shoving it toward Tess. “Dial Nash’s number.”
She does, and Sawyer steps away, phone to his ear. Even though he’s only ten feet away, I want to go to him, stay close.
“What happened?” I whisper.
Tess’s eyelashes flutter. “I couldn’t get out, so I ran inside.
He followed. I made it to my bathroom, and locked the door.
He was banging and shouting, then it was quiet for a long time.
At least an hour, maybe more.” Her voice starts to wobble as Sawyer comes back.
“I knew he hadn’t left, so I stayed in the bathroom.
Then, he started talking to me through the door.
Really sweet-like. When I didn’t give him the answers he wanted, I swear he was going to break down the door, he was so mad. ”
I pull in a deep, shaky breath. “How’d you get away?”
”Broke the bathroom window.” She laughs, an incredulous, almost prideful laugh.
“I just jumped out!” Her voice is high-pitched, maniacal.
Then she turns serious again. “I’m so sorry to involve you.
I remembered what you said last—last time this happened.
I remembered Gia’s address. Two Emerson Ave. I didn’t know what else to do.”
“This was exactly the right thing to do,” I tell her.
The doorbell rings again, and Tess lets out a startled shriek.
“It’s your brother,” Sawyer says.
Tess’s eyes go wide. “Oh no, he’s too busy to deal with my mess.”
What?
As Sawyer leaves to answer the door, I take her by the hand and make her meet my eyes. “Tess, listen to yourself. You’ve got to let Nash in.”
She shakes her head. “But I’m fine.” She tries for a smile, and it’s nothing short of horrific.
Something weighty falls into place in my brain with a satisfying click. Tess has kept a part of herself hidden. Not for the same reasons I’ve done, but the end result is the same: she’s isolated herself from someone who cares about her.
I put a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Tess, listen to me. Nash cares about you. We all care about you. You aren’t a burden to the ones who love you. Let him in. He deserves that much. ”
My heart lurches as Sawyer’s words come back to me in full force. I love you so much.
He deserves more, too.
When Sawyer walks back in, Nash Brooks is with him, looking devastatingly handsome in a suit, and like he’s out for blood.
Tess flings herself into her brother’s arms, and he holds her tight.
“It’s going to be okay, Tess.” Sawyer’s voice holds a certain note to it that sends a shiver down my spine. It’s not the same coldness he spoke to me with. It’s threatening.
Nash releases his sister. The two men exchange a nod, and turn toward the door.
“We’ll be back.”
Tess and I run after Sawyer and Nash as they head for the front door, adrenaline coursing through my veins like a bullet.
“What’re you going to do?” Tess asks at the same time I say, “Let’s call the police!”
The men turn. Sawyer won’t look at me, but he answers me. “The restraining order hasn’t deterred him.”
“We need to have a little chat with him,” Nash finishes, looking at his little sister. He gives me a once-over, an acknowledgment of sorts. “We’ll be back.” His voice brokers no room for argument.
They turn, and pull the door closed behind them with a definite click.
I look at Tess. Her expression is a mirror to how I feel. Totally and completely terrified.
“Is your ex dangerous?” I ask.
She shakes her head, voice oddly monotonous at first. “I—I don’t know. He’s turned into something else over the years, and I really don’t know what he’s capable of anymore.” Her voice grows more frantic. “The people he hangs out with, they aren’t good people.”
My stomach seizes, and I nearly throw up. What is Sawyer running toward right now?
And will he come back?
That’s the question pumping through me, over and over again. Will he come back to me?
My nose stings as tears spring to my eyes. I can’t believe less than an hour ago he told me he loved me, and I kept my mouth shut, paralyzed.
He left without knowing how I feel.
I want him. Every day, all the time. I want his loving warmth, and his smiles, and his teasing. I want his scent in my nose and his taste on my tongue.
But I can’t tell him any of that because he’s gone. I clutch the doorframe to hold me up.
It’s too late.
I messed up. All because I couldn’t bear to show him all of me.
My sob echoes in the entryway.
I would even take his icy tone back, his coldness, if he just makes it safely out of whatever danger he’s going into. Just let him be safe, and I’ll tell him everything.
I only now realize Tess and I are clinging onto each other. As one, we turn and trudge back to the living room. My breaths stutter as I spot the shoebox.