Chapter 18
GIRL FUN
JAHLANI
On Monday, something is off. Not in a bad way, but in a way that Jahlani notices the subtle difference in the air. A shift in the atmosphere— a lightness that glides through her chest, her toes, her fingers.
Except nothing has changed.
Jahlani still goes for her early morning run, her path illuminated by the streetlamps, taking the familiar curves around the neighborhood, sidestepping the cracks, waving to Mr. Thomas as he sits on his porch reading the morning newspaper.
She slows as she reaches the sidewalk by the house, wiping the sweat from her brow.
The sun begins to grow comfortable in the sky, casting even rays of rose pink and soft orange.
Chewing on her lip, she wonders if she’s forgetting something.
A birthday, an assignment, an important event, a deadline.
Nothing comes to mind as she changes for the day, not even as she gives her mother a light wave goodbye (baby steps) and makes her way to the shuttle stop. Thumbing through her phone, she sees a missed call from Imani.
“That’s it,” she says, murmuring softly to herself as she listens for the shrill sound of the bus brakes. She forgot to call Imani back.
Again.
Content that she’s figured it out, she slips the phone back into her bag after sending her a quick text, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her jacket.
But when the bus turns the corner, and the doors hiss open, the feeling has returned.
It isn’t until she’s in the lecture hall hours later, as students filter in with hushed murmurs and laughter, that she notices she’s checked the door every three minutes for brown tangles of hair, long arms, and that look that says nothing is wrong.
She realizes it’s him.
She frowns, plugs in her laptop, busies herself with setup—then her stomach twists and her hands shake.
What the hell?
She glances at the door as more students pile in, and he’s still nowhere to be found. She laughs to herself, wiping her hands against her pants.
Ridiculous.
She reaches for her water, taking several sips, waving when someone greets her before setting it back down. It’s concerning the number of times her eyes glide over to the double doors, and it takes her almost tripping over the wiring around the monitor to snap out of it.
On Tuesday, she cancels office hours, using the time to update her resume.
It isn’t until Wednesday that she sees him again.
She doesn’t notice him at first—occupied with handing out the exam papers—until she gets to the row that he typically sits in and their eyes lock.
Roman’s chin rests against his fist and he gives her a two-finger wave, smiling small.
She licks her lips, her mouth suddenly drying before giving him a small wave back. She tilts her head and sends him a look that hopefully comes across as concerned.
Lucy he mouths to her, and she nods, handing papers to students until she gets closer to him. Their fingers graze as she hands the papers to him, and their eyes lock for an unnerving amount of time before she moves on to the next student, fighting the urge to indulge in his teasing.
Against the rules, she reminds herself, making a conscious effort the rest of the time not to look his way.
It gets worse as the days pass. When he’s not there, she finds herself wondering what he’s doing, if his daughter is okay.
And when he is, she turns into a bumbling mess, her mouth feeling like it’s been stuffed with cotton, her body flushing like the Floridian sun is targeting her. Like Apollo has it out for her.
Jahlani is frowning at the email she’s reading on her laptop in Professor Jackson’s office.
She’s so engrossed that she startles when a coconut, chocolate-covered almond bar is dropped next to her device.
Her eyes lift to meet Roman’s clear green ones as he drops into the chair opposite her, and her hands grow clammy.
She wonders if he’s as affected, but when his phone rings and he answers with ease, she takes it that he isn’t. His shoulders are relaxed, and he talks animatedly. There’s no stammer, no hesitation.
He clearly isn’t affected by her anymore, and she isn’t sure why that sparks a fuse of irritation.
After all, she’s the one who told him to stop. This is what she wanted, right?
They’re cordial now.
She shouldn’t read into the fact that he remembered the snack that she likes from when they first met. She leans back into the chair, willing her hands to be steady, before unwrapping the bar and taking a bite. He smiles at her, nodding at whatever the other person is saying.
Disgusting he mouths to her, shaking his head, then imitates a gag.
Jahlani takes an obnoxious bite, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply before letting out a low exaggerated moan. But when she opens her eyes, he’s staring at her mouth, a slight haze to them.
He isn’t smiling anymore. She chews slowly, swallowing the bite with as much grace as possible as he continues to watch, his nostrils flaring.
“Delicious,” she says, attempting to break the tension, but her voice cracks. Turning back to the computer to finish submitting her payment, she peeks over when Roman is suddenly upright.
“You can’t watch her?” he asks, brows pulled together as he rises. Jahlani’s eyes track his movement as he shoulders his bag. He rubs his forehead with his free hand.
“Shit. I have an exam today. Shit.”
Roman stops at the door, and Jahlani watches as he runs his fingers through his hair, tugging and twisting.
“Alright, I’ll meet you down there. Bye.”
Jahlani clicks the pen in her hand as she watches him rub his eyes, his shoulders taut as he presses his head against the door.
“Everything okay?” she asks, leaning forward to rest her elbows on the desk. From her peripheral she sees his jaw clench as he lets out a strained chuckle.
“Not really, no.”
Jahlani nods, exhaling deeply. “What’s wrong? Is it your daughter? Is she okay?”
Roman pushes from the door, turning to face her with tired eyes. His expression is grim and defeated. Like he just pushed a boulder up a mountain only to have it roll all the way back to the starting point. Like he’s pulled a Back to the Go card.
“She’s fine. I just forgot my sister’s schedule changed, so there’s no one to watch her, and I have to take this exam right now—shit.”
“I can watch her,” she says, her head tilting in the process, like she can’t believe her own words. Roman’s head tilts too, and his eyebrows raise to his hairline.
“You can watch her?” he repeats, his voice slow and just as confused, but his eyes flare with hope.
Oh God.
Jahlani shakes her head, looking down at a stray paperclip on the desk. She grips it, pulling it apart as she looks back up to meet his eyes.
“Yeah, I mean … it’s the least I can do.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, it’s not a big deal.”
His eyebrows pinch together. “But—”
“Roman,” she says, standing abruptly, blowing out a frustrated breath.
“You have an exam you need to take, and I’ll be in here for the next few hours.
” She walks around the desk until she’s a few feet away from him.
“Just bring her here. Stop being stubborn. That’s my job,” she says, laughing softly before grabbing his arm and pushing him toward the door.
He stops in the doorway, looking down at her, her hands still pressed against his chest.
Two students walk by, chattering low, and she quickly removes her hands, stepping back as her body catches fire.
“Give me your phone,” she murmurs, holding out her hand. He blinks down at her, but obliges, the cool metal a nice contrast to the heat caressing her. She types in her number before sending herself a message. “Go get her. I’ll be right here.”
She holds the phone back out to him, pulling her hair back over her shoulder. He grabs the phone, grabbing her wrist in the process, and before she can stop him, he’s pulling her against his chest. His arms wrap around her waist and he buries his face in her neck.
“Roman,” she says, but it sounds all muffled with her face pressed to his shirt. “People will see.”
He pulls back, and she clears her throat, running her fingers through her braids. “You can’t do that,” she says, looking in the hallway for any lurking students, before turning back to him. “You could get us in trouble.”
“Sorry,” he says, walking backward. “Just—thank you. I owe you big time. My sister’s downstairs. I’ll be right back.”
She shakes her hand, pressing a hand to her throat as she watches him jog down the hallway and around the corner.
What has she done?
Lucy won’t stop crying. When Jahlani offered to watch her, she thought she would sleep the whole time, but that lasted all of twenty minutes.
Lucy’s cheeks are rosy and her eyes are red-rimmed and watery as she sits in the car seat.
Jahlani paces back and forth, waving her toy in front of her, worried that if she picks her up, she’ll become even more hysterical.
But as Lucy watches her, she squirms in the seat, rotating and wriggling, her cries increasing in pitch.
“Shit,” she says, looking around the room. When she sees the bottle of hand sanitizer, she unscrews the top, dumping copious amounts onto her hands, remembering Roman’s words.
More at risks for infections.
Once she’s satisfied, she crouches in front of Lucy, getting to work on her belt. When Lucy sees what she’s doing, her wails turn to small sniffles.
“See? There we go, baby girl. All better already,” Jahlani says, sitting back on her haunches to see what she does next. Lucy blinks at her with wide eyes before she pushes herself from the seat and stumbles toward her with outstretched arms.
“Up,” Lucy says, opening and closing her fists. Jahlani shakes her head, because of course Roman’s child is okay with strangers.
Jahlani gathers her in her arms, lifting her with added flair, causing Lucy to laugh. Lucy presses her hands to Jahlani’s face.
“Name.”
“Jah-lah-knee,” she says, making sure to enunciate each syllable while tapping her nose. Lucy’s mouth twists, and she blinks hard as she works through the sounds.
“Lani,” she says finally, and Jahlani shrugs, smiling.
“Close enough,” she says, walking with Lucy on her hip back to the computer.
Lucy turns in her lap to look up at her. “Where’s Daddy?”
Jahlani looks down at her face, and before she can stop herself, she’s reaching for a tissue to clean her face. She wipes her tear-stained cheeks before moving to wipe her nose.
“He’ll be back soon, baby, don’t worry. We’re going to have fun. Just us girls,” she says, smoothing back her hair. “Okay?”
Lucy smiles, clapping her hands. “Fun!”
Jahlani chuckles as she pulls up an animated video for her to watch while she gets back to grading, wondering how anyone could ever walk away from a child like this.
It doesn’t take long for Lucy to become restless, and soon Jahlani finds herself chasing her around the office.
She’s so focused on catching her that she doesn’t notice the door swing open.
She collides with Roman, and he grips her arms, steadying her.
She claps a hand over her mouth, laughing.
“Sorry,” she says breathlessly. “I didn’t see you there.”
He looks down at her, his eyes soft. “I can see that. Having fun?”
But before she can respond, Lucy charges toward him, screaming.
“Daddy!” She stumbles on the way over, and Roman and Jahlani both react.
“Be careful, baby.”
“Careful, Lulu.”
They both turn to look at each other, and a charged energy invites itself into the space. His hand still grips her arm, but it’s turned to gentle caresses. Jahlani steps back so that he can pick up Lucy and stop her heart from flying out of her chest.
Make it stop. Please.
She watches Lucy drop her head to his neck and he presses a kiss to her forehead, rubbing circles on her back.
He’s so good with her.
“Tired, baby?” he asks, dropping another kiss to her cheek. She nods, letting out a yawn. “Did you have fun with Jahlani?” he whispers, holding Jahlani’s eyes from across the room. Jahlani sways on the spot, bracing her hand against the desk.
She likes when he looks at her like that.
And Jahlani’s heart does fly out of her chest when Lucy nods, her eyes drifting shut. “Lani … girl fun,” she mutters.
Roman laughs when she starts to snore. “She’s gonna be out for the rest of the night.”
Jahlani nods, rubbing the back of her neck. “How was your exam?” she asks, starting to pack her things slowly, unsure of what happens next, but knowing she’s not ready to leave this space with him.
He shrugs. “It was fine. I was a little distracted.”
“Hmm. I’m sure you did well.”
He sucks in air through his teeth, bending to pick up her car seat. “Yeah. You heading out now? My car is in Lot E.”
“The shuttle is on the other side. I’ll be fine,” she says, gesturing toward Lucy. “Get her home. You don’t need to walk me.”
He exhales, stepping forward. “You’re not taking the shuttle, I’m giving you a ride, and I’m not taking no for an answer, Jones.”
“Roman—” she starts to protest, but before she can finish her thought, he grabs her bag and walks out the door. “No—hey—”
“I’ll be in the car,” he calls over his shoulder, moving out the door.
She stands in the office, tapping her foot, wondering if she really needs her bag. After remembering her keys to the house are in there, she follows after him, something unfurling within her chest.