Chapter 19
Nineteen
AUGUST CURRENT DAY (SUNDAY)
F or a moment, I forget the man I love is lying in my bed. But it’s a beautiful reminder, rolling over to see honey-colored hair and the light scruff of a day gone without shaving. He’s gorgeous with the first rays of light haloing him in a brilliant golden glow. This has to be heaven. There’s no other way to explain how perfect this is, how perfect he is.
How perfect we are.
The way we move together and have each other memorized so completely is intoxicating. Nothing will ever compare to this feeling, this connection.
It wasn’t until he was back that I realized how lonely I’d been since he left. I’d become so good at faking it, I had started to convince myself it wasn’t so bad—that I could find something better, that I could live without this, that it wasn’t as perfect as I remembered.
But it’s better than I remembered, and not just the sex—although, that is mind-blowingly good. The way we interact, the way we’re so in sync, even the way we work together is on a different level than it was before.
I think I understand what he meant when he said we felt too good to last. What we have doesn’t feel like what I see other people have—Ali and Trent, Sterling and Will. They love each other, there’s no doubt about it, but Warren feels like so much more than just someone I love. It feels more like our names were always meant to be spoken in the same sentence, like neither of us is supposed to exist without the other.
It’s why I always thought of him as the sun to my summer. Because those two words go hand in hand, and they will for eternity. Just like I will be his for eternity, and without him, my life lacks meaning—like summer without a sun.
Tears well up in my eyes from this overwhelming feeling, this overwhelming love. He’s the picture of peacefulness, and I don’t want to disturb him so I quietly creep out of bed and grab the first piece of clothing I can find. After closing the bedroom door behind me, I slip on the shirt and grin when I discover it’s one of his long-sleeved button-up work shirts. I roll up the sleeves, button the bottom half of the shirt that fits me closer to a dress, and start up the espresso machine.
As it brews, I pull out my work computer and start searching for that tax code I need to find, praying that it’s the solution I need to make this work. It takes a few different searches, a few different wordings for the search engine to decipher what I’m trying to find, but I click on a link and gasp.
Tax Law #709. This is it.
The language of the actual law goes right over my head—it’s not what I’m trained in. So I open a new tab and search for a summarized version of the law until I finally find a website that looks promising.
I skim the page looking for keywords. In the case of an acquisition that causes a clear conflict of interest, a parent company must be established, and the entities must remain completely separate under its umbrella.
Okay, that’s good. That means we can still operate exactly as is without legal issues, they’ll just have to create a parent company to manage both businesses. But wait, how is this beneficial to the company acquiring the other? It’s no different than just contracting out the services since services would still have to be paid.
And why is this a Tax Law? I haven’t seen anything about taxes. I reread the article, paying more attention this time.
Holy shit.
The services have to be paid but the parent company gets to write off the cost of the two companies doing business together. So, we could provide value-based care consulting services that can be written off, making the cost neutral, but still generating the savings, and still continue making revenue by consulting out to others as we have been.
This is exactly what we needed.
This is?—
“What a way to wake up,” Warren says, and I look over to find him leaning against the hallway entrance wearing only his boxers.
His eyes didn’t get the memo that it’s morning. They skipped sunrise and have gone straight for mid-day heat as they take in the scene. Me, in nothing but his work shirt, sitting at the counter engrossed in my computer as the smell of fresh espresso—that I completely forgot about—wafts around the room.
“This is going to work, Warren,” I say, body humming with the feeling of accomplishment.
“Of course, it is.” He smirks at me, and my body starts humming with a different feeling that only he brings out of me.
“I’m talking about work.”
“So was I,” he says, but that look only intensifies. “I knew it was going to work on Friday when you first told me you had an idea. You underestimate yourself, Analise. You’re brilliant. In my entire professional career, I’ve never met someone who thinks the way you do—it’s rare and beautiful.”
He slowly makes his way over to me and reaches out to the buttons on the shirt, undoing the first one with slow precision. “I love your brain.” He unbuttons another. “Almost as much as I love the sight of you in nothing but my work shirt.”
When the last button is undone, he looks down at my bare body. His hands lift to my collarbone and slowly run down my body, gently moving the shirt out of the way so he has a clear view, but obviously not wanting me to take it completely off. His hands stop on my thighs, his thumbs rubbing intoxicating circles so close to where I want him but not moving closer just yet.
“Beautiful,” he whispers and his body shudders from his ragged breathing. “So fucking beautiful.”
From there, everything happens at once. The words are barely out of his mouth when his right hand moves up and dips between my legs. The groan that rips itself from my chest is swallowed up by his mouth crashing into mine. The wetness he finds there is more than he expects because he curses, “Fuck.”
After that, I don’t know if it’s me or him who frees him from his boxers, but then his fingers slide out and he’s there, pressing against me. He takes his time, slowly entering me one glorious inch at a time. My legs slowly get spread further and further until we’re chest to chest and I’m shaking with need for him to move inside me.
He pulls back to look into my eyes and what I see staring back at me is a side of him I’ve never seen before. It’s wild, but raw and vulnerable at the same time. His hands close tightly around my hips and he doesn’t break eye contact as his hips roll away from me and then thrust back in.
My head drops back as I cry out in pleasure, my hands frantically reaching behind me for anything to steady myself. He keeps thrusting at a steady, relentless pace and I can barely keep my eyes open, but when I get a quick glance, I see him greedily taking in the look of my face twisted in pleasure. The look of my body in nothing but his shirt that’s now hanging from my elbows, shaking from the pure ecstasy of him.
Most times we move as a unit, both chasing each other’s release, but right now, this is all about me. It feels like he’s trying to show me that no one will ever satisfy me the way he does, as if I didn’t know that already. It feels like he’s branding me with his possessive grip of my hips and his eyes scorching patterns across my body. With every thrust into me, I feel the word mine reverberating through me. Mine. Mine. Mine. I feel his claim of my body, of my pleasure, of me.
“Analise,” he whispers, and I come undone.
I unravel with his name on my lips, and as I stitch myself back together, he gets woven into every thread. Any part of me that wasn’t already his has been remade in his name. He is so much a part of me it hurts—and it’s the most glorious, beautiful pain I’ve ever felt.
Tears stream down my face when I finally find my way back to the room. I am not the same as I was moments before, and I will never be the same again.
When his eyes open again, he’s back to the Warren I’m used to, but I think I see a change in him too. His raw edges that he usually keeps tucked away are visible to someone who knows him better than they know themself. Those raw edges are the depths of his love, the truth of his love. That’s what scared him so much before, yet here he is, laying them bare in front of me whether he intended to or not.
“What’s wrong?” he whispers, reaching for my face and wiping my tears. Panic floods his eyes as he asks, “Did I hurt you?”
“No.” I shake my head. “I just . . .” I take a deep breath. “I hope you know how much I love you. I hope you know I’m yours . . . completely, unequivocally. I’ll only ever be yours.”
Warren’s lips start to tremble and a tear drops down his face, rendering me completely speechless. I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve seen Warren cry, and none of them were as real as this is right now. These tears are ones that rip themselves out of you whether you’re ready or not. These are tears that show you truths about yourself you’re not ready to acknowledge.
“Warren,” I breathe, and stand up to pull him into a hug when a heartbreaking sob leaves his lips.
His arms wrap around me, slowly at first, then sure and strong as they pull me in tighter and he buries his head into my neck. I hold on tight as his tears hit my shoulder and roll down my chest.
“I thought I’d lost you for good,” he whispers between tears. “I fucked things up so completely, I was convinced you could never forgive me. I’ve hated myself every day for what I did to you. I don’t deserve something this perfect. I don’t deserve love this pure. How can I sit here and think of you as mine when you deserve more than to be sitting here in my shirt with my hands on your body? What if I fuck this up again?”
“I won’t let you fuck it up again,” I say, and he huffs out a laugh. I pull back to look him in the eyes and smile through my tears. “I’m serious. Do you remember why our team name was The Summers ?”
His face twists in confusion. “Because we always joked that if we got married I’d take your last name.”
I nod. “Do you remember why?”
“Because I’m golden like sunshine?”
I laugh. “Technically, yes, I did say that that night. But the night we first kissed I told you that you were my sun and?—”
“And summer’s nothing without her sun,” he finishes for me, eyes growing wide, like he never realized what I was saying back then.
“Exactly.” I place my hands on his cheeks. “You’re my sun, Warren. You. And only you. Summer’s nothing without her sun, just as I’m nothing without you. You are who completes me. You are the sunlight I want to bathe in forever. You are all I need. Yours are the only hands I want on my body, the only shirts I want to steal.” That brings a genuine laugh out of him and a smile back to his face. “You are the only person I want to give my love to. So please, don’t run from it this time.”
“I won’t run.” He kisses me and our bodies sigh in unison at how right it feels.
“But if thinking of me as yours is going to result in what happened on that stool,” I mumble between kisses. “Then please never stop thinking it.”
He chuckles against my lips and his entire body rumbles against mine with the movement, reminding me that we’re both completely naked aside from his shirt that’s halfway off my body. I gasp when his hands move down to my legs and lift me up, backing us up until I’m on the stool again.
“Whatever the lady wants, she shall get.”
His lips stay locked on mine this time, but it still feels just as raw as before. Like a bridge between our souls was formed and is only growing stronger the longer we stay connected in this way. This time, the words on my lips are a prayer, a wish, my deepest desire.
“I want this. I want you, forever.”
* * *
I squeal when we walk into the house and run over to Sterling and Will immediately. Throwing my arms around both of them I practically sing, “How’s my favorite couple on this extra special day? I can’t believe we’re celebrating the engagement of Mr. Raymond Sterling Holmes and Mr. William Hernandez!”
“Hey,” Ali says, pretending to be offended by my comment, but we both are obsessed with Sterling and Will’s relationship.
“Where’s Trent?” I ask, looking around and not finding him.
Ali frowns. “He went grab us drinks as soon as you guys walked in.”
I cringe. “He does know I’m not going to yell at him again, right?”
“Please don’t,” Sterling says just as Will says, “Please do.”
We all look over at him and he shrugs. “I’m sad I missed it and no one recorded it.”
I laugh and step back so Warren can be more included in the circle. He smiles at Sterling. “Congrats, man. I’m happy for you.”
“Oh, you haven’t met Will yet,” I say. “Will, this is Warren. Warren, Will.”
“It’s great to finally meet you,” Warren says, reaching out his hand. “I’ve only heard good things from this one.” He nods at me, and I smile.
But Will’s face is tight, his eyes are dark and angry. He turns to me. “You brought him here? After everything he did?”
The color drains from my face. Uh, oh. Sometimes I forget that Will wasn’t around back when Warren was here. That the only things he knows about him is how much he hurt me. That he doesn’t have a previous friendship and personal memories to fall back on.
Everyone is silent and tense when Trent gets back and he looks around. “What did I miss?”
Warren’s face has fallen back into the vulnerable, devastated state I talked him out of earlier today and Will’s constant glaring isn’t helping.
“We’re going to grab drinks.” I grab his hand, needing to get him away from this to make sure he’s okay, and pull him to the bar set-up in the backyard.
“Don’t listen to him,” I say, finding a quiet spot in the yard to talk. “He didn’t know you before. All he had to go off of were the times I cried over you when I had too much to drink.”
He looks like I just punched him in the chest but then his eyes narrow. “Wait, didn’t Sterling only meet Will two years ago?”
I cringe. “This may have happened as recently as last weekend . . .”
“Analise—”
“No.” I turn his face back towards me when he starts to look away. “Look at me, Warren. We talked about this already.”
“I know,” he says, sounding defeated. “But I keep learning more and more about just how bad I hurt you. It’s killing me.”
“Listen to me.” I wait until his eyes shift to mine. “You can’t change the past, but if you want any chance at a future, this has to stop. Yes, you hurt me, but it only hurt so bad because of how much I loved you. I could’ve stopped the hurt at any time if I stopped loving you, but I chose to believe in what we had. What’s happening right now, us reconnecting like this, wouldn’t be happening if I let go of us. I know you hate that you hurt me, I know you wish you could go back and do things differently, but let’s stop letting our past mistakes hold us back from reaching our future.”
Seeing this side of him is tearing me apart. I’ve always known how much he loved me—I’ve never questioned it—but we didn’t have these deep, serious conversations before. We didn’t share or show our emotions as unfiltered as this. The banter and joking that is the core of us has always been our way of showing how we truly feel, but this imperfection makes us feel more real now. It makes this more believable, less like a fantasy. Less like something that couldn’t possibly be true. I think it makes us better.
I can see the impact my words have on him, but he’s still partly lost in the past. I smile and pull on the other, teasing side of us for the rest, because both pieces together will make us whole.
“I guess I’ll have to bring bossy Analise out. You love listening to her.” I lower my voice into a sultry purr.
He smiles, the light coming back to his eyes as he steps closer to me. “And what does bossy Analise want?”
I smile and lean in to whisper just in case anyone else walks within earshot. “I want you to wrap your arms around me and kiss me. Kiss me until the only thing you can feel is how perfectly my body feels in your hands, how perfectly it reacts to your touch. Kiss me until the only thing you can taste is me; until all other tastes have been ruined for you because you only crave mine. Kiss me until the only thing you see is what you’re going to do to me tonight when we get home, until everything before this moment fades away. Kiss me until the only thing you know is that you are mine and I am yours.”
And he does. He kisses me slowly to memorize me, to claim me, to ruin me. His hands press against my back, barely moving but sending goosebumps across my body. He does exactly as I asked but he does it better than I ever could’ve imagined.
I don’t want him to ever stop.
Someone clears their throat near us and our lips part but stay separated by only centimeters. I’m breathing heavily, body still pressed against his, trying to regain the strength in my legs that he stole from me.
“Save it for your own engagement party,” Sterling says through a smile, although the intonation is anything but sunny. “Tonight is about me, thank you very much.”
Warren and I laugh, finally stepping away from each other but he keeps hold of my hand.
“Sorry.” Warren grins. He’s anything but sorry.
Sterling shakes his head, but he can’t stop his smile. “You’d think two people in and near their thirties would have learned better self-control. You two act like teenagers still.”
“Worse than teenagers if you ask Ali,” I deadpan, and he laughs.
“That’s probably true.” He pauses. “I’m sorry about Will, he shouldn’t have acted that way.”
“It’s okay,” Warren says, squeezing my hand. “It’s not like I didn’t deserve it.”
Sterling smiles and looks between us. “I am happy to see you guys back together though.” Then his face turns serious again and he adds, “Just not tonight.”
* * *
Throughout the night, I catch Warren talking to each of our friends one-on-one. I’m not sure what they talk about, but he looks serious. Maybe he’s apologizing for not reaching out, or just trying to catch up with each of them. But then, towards the end of the night, he approaches Will. I watch as they have an intense conversation, but at the end, Warren extends his hand and after a long moment, Will takes it.
I wonder what that’s about.
“He’s been going around apologizing and thanking each of us,” Trent says, answering my thoughts as he sits down beside me.
My eyebrows pull together. Thanking them?
He smiles and explains, “Apologizing for not reaching out when he was gone and thanking us for being there for you all this time. He’s changed in a lot of ways, but one thing that hasn’t changed is how much he loves you.”
“It hasn’t changed for me either,” I say, softly.
“I’m sorry, Analise,” Trent says, and I look over at him. “I should’ve told you, let you make your own decision.”
“I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.” I sigh. “I had so much pent-up anger and yelling at Warren wasn’t enough, so I took it out on you too.”
He chuckles. “It’s not like I didn’t deserve it though.”
“Oh, I never said that,” I tease with a grin. “I know you were only trying to look out for me, mother hen.” He laughs at the nickname. “But in the future, please don’t keep things from me. I promise I’m strong enough to handle it.”
He nods with a sad smile on his face. We sit in comfortable silence until everyone joins us at the table. Sterling and Will have been making the rounds with their guests and are currently at our table.
“So, Warren was telling me about this great idea you had at work that’s going to save the jobs of half the company?” Trent says, and I whip around to look at Warren who’s beside me.
“You don’t even fully know what my idea is.” I laugh. “It might not even work.”
He shrugs and looks around the table. “I think anyone who has worked with you can back me up when I say, if you have an idea, it’s going to work.”
Sterling, Ali, and Trent all agree and my cheeks flush.
“Do you guys want to know something even Warren doesn’t know about the idea?” I direct the conversation away from me. They nod and Warren looks at me with interest. “The idea came from the final question from that trivia night when we got the top score.”
“How do you even remember that question?” Trent asks.
“Wasn’t it something about some law?” Sterling adds.
“Oh, yeah!” Ali exclaims. “It was some tax law, right?”
I nod and when I look over at Warren, his eyes are wide in realization. “So, that’s why you first thought of the idea at The Dizzy Acorn. This whole time I was thinking my dancing was so underwhelming that you were just thinking about work the whole time.”
I laugh and poke back. “Well, I did think of it while we were dancing, so you obviously weren’t holding my attention that well.”
The table laughs and this all feels so right—all of us here together joking and laughing. It always should’ve been like this.
“Is that a challenge?” He narrows his eyes at me.
“Feeling deficient, are we now?” I smirk and his eyes burn just for me.
“You didn’t think I was deficient earlier.” He doesn’t bother lowering his voice when he says it, and I don’t even care.
Goddamn . How much longer are we going to be here for?
“Have they always been like this?” Will asks, and Ali, Sterling, and Trent all respond in unison, “Yes.”
“Like what?” I ask innocently, forcing myself to turn away from Warren, and Sterling throws an empty plastic cup at me.
When we’re getting ready to head out, Will pulls me aside.
“I’ve never seen you that happy,” he says, and I smile.
He’s right, he’s never seen me like this. I wasn’t miserable every second of every day, but I was missing the glow I have now. He only knew me after Warren left, after my mom died, and my dad was already a drunk. I had lost so much, he really only knew a shell of who I was—of who I feel like I’m closer to now that I’ve had a lot of time to do some healing and Warren’s back. He hasn’t seen me shine so bright before.
“I haven’t been this happy in a long time.”
“You know, I never believed them when they told me what you and Warren were like,” he says. “I always hated him solely because of how he hurt you.”
“What do you mean?”
“They’d always talk about you and Warren like it was some mythic, legendary, untouchable thing, and I’d laugh because it sounded so absurd. It had to be an exaggeration, but seeing you two together today, I got it.” He shakes his head like he’s still grappling with this change in his opinion of Warren. “What you two have is what everyone envisions for themselves back in their fairytale age, back when we believe anything is possible and that soulmates and a one true love are what we’re looking for.”
“Is that not what you and Sterling have?” I ask.
“I love Sterling, and I will love him for the rest of my life, but we will never have what you guys have. That connection, that pull you have is the stuff of fairytales. I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but if he’s what you want then don’t let him go again.”
“I don’t plan to,” I whisper, and hug him.