Chapter Nineteen
Ethan
A fter a craptastic drive back to Sydney, I open a bottle of wine and queue up a few zombies to exterminate, waiting for the inevitable call or message. Looks like Ben drew the short straw, which is probably good. He’s the best at this kind of thing.
Ben
Are you okay?
No
Wanna talk about it?
No
I hope you didn’t take your meltdown out on Sadie
Mind your own business
So you did
Piss off
Right. In case you didn’t notice, the family liked her
I noticed
Uh-uh. Anyone who can hold their own with that lot is worth keeping around. I’ll leave you to your wallowing
Sometimes, I wish the family wouldn’t be so nice about the way I’ve behaved. Maybe they’ve been cutting me too much slack, and it’s time they called me on my arseholery and gave me a bit of an ‘it’s time to get it together lecture’.
Regardless, if it is time for me to get my shit together and start fresh, I can’t be doing it with Sadie. Not least because she’s made it clear a relationship with me, or anyone else, is not in her plans. Which is, despite the way I behaved, a damn shame. Because Ben’s right. Anyone who can hold their own with my family is not only a potential keeper, she deserves a medal.
And when she sends me the selfie she took of her and her pigtails with Isla, and one with the person I presume is her flatmate looking jealous, and asks me, politely but coldly, to pass them on to Lulu, I feel like the biggest shitheel in the world.
I don’t see Sadie for a few days after we get back to Sydney. We rescheduled the classes missed during our unexpected trip to the following week, so we’ve both had time to calm down and reflect on our argument by the time we see each other again.
I need to apologise. I was unfair and unreasonable. I don’t want to be at odds with Sadie. And not just because we have to work together. I like her. A lot. Here I am, resolved to do better in my personal relationships, and the first new friend I make, I bugger it up. Yeah, alright, friends is not precisely what we were. But we were friend-adjacent. Sadie is a remarkable human being, and I regret hurting her.
On Monday morning, I get to work early and hover in the carpark. Not exactly lying in wait. But lying in wait.
“Hey, Sadie,” I call as she climbs out of her car. I aim for cheerful and friendly, although I’ve got a feeling it came across as creepy and desperate.
She gives me the kind of look she’s said in the past I’ve perfected. A poker face. Devoid of all emotions. Her voice is level and calm. Or maybe the word I’m searching for is disinterested. Detached. Impersonal. Take your pick.
“Is there something I can help you with, Professor Carter?” Ouch. Battle lines drawn.
I look around the carpark as I approach her. We’re the only ones here right now, but I know people will start arriving in the next twenty minutes or so.
“I was wondering if you’d like to get a coffee in the quad and have a chat? Maybe take a walk?” There’s a huge grassy park next to the quad where we can talk without being overheard.
“I have work to do before classes.” Sadie hitches the strap of her laptop satchel higher on her shoulder, locks her car and starts walking.
“Please? I’d like to clear the air.”
She stops, keeping her gaze on the ground. Finally, she sighs, nods and turns towards the quad.
Coffees in hand, we start down one of the concrete paths through the park.
“I wanted to apologise for the things I said in the car—”
“You already did. It’s fine.” She still isn’t looking at me, and I feel the loss of her normally warm gaze all the way to my cold, brittle bones.
“I don’t think it is. The things I said … they came from a place of fear, I guess. But that doesn’t make it alright. You didn’t deserve to be spoken to that way when all you’ve ever been is honest and kind.”
Finally, she stops walking and turns those eyes on me. My heart rate picks up.
“No. I didn’t deserve it.” Her jaw is set tight, her lips pressed firmly together.
Not exactly the acceptance I was hoping for.
“Could we please go back to being friends? You’re not interested in a relationship, and I’m not ready. But there’s no reason we can’t be friends.”
She drops her eyes to the path again, scuffing at the concrete with the toe of her boot. When she finally looks up again, her expression is no less determined.
“I appreciate the apology, Ethan, but no. I spent my childhood being held responsible for things that weren’t my fault and making allowances for the emotional … inadequacies … of two people who should’ve known better. I’m not going to do it again. I deserve better from my friends. So we’ll continue to work together, and that’s it. We’re business colleagues. Nothing more. What happened with your wife was a tragedy. I really hope you find a way to heal. But I can’t be collateral damage while you do it.”
And with a sad smile, she turns on her heel and leaves me on the path.
So. That went well. And to add shit dressing to my fuckit salad, as I watch Sadie march off towards the Ancient History building without a backwards glance, I miss the approach of my favourite clinger.
“Ethan! Looks like we had the same idea.” Riley holds up her coffee cup. Yes, how bizarre we’d both be getting a coffee first thing in the morning. “We have so much in common.” Slipping her arm through mine with a playful squeeze, she drags me down the path. Deeper into the park. I’m so preoccupied with reliving my conversation with Sadie that I nearly miss what Riley is droning on about.
“I’m sorry? What did you say?” I interrupt.
“I was just saying we’re, you know, sympathetico. ” Riley gestures between us with her coffee cup.
“Ah, I think you mean simpatico .” I hold in a sigh while trying to come up with a way to extricate myself. Quickly.
“Whatever. You know what I mean.” Riley shrugs. “And I want you to know how much I’m looking forward to going on the dig with you. It will give us a chance to really get to know one another. Properly .” A shudder runs through me. Because the way she leant on those words made her intentions clear.
“I haven’t even released the expression of interest form yet.” Which is something that’s steadily moving up from my to do to the urgent list.
“I know. But I’ll be filling it out as soon as you do. We’ll have six whole weeks together. I can’t wait.” Riley’s talking as though we’ll be having six weeks lounging on a beach drinking cocktails. I need to nip this in the bud.
“A dig isn’t a holiday, Riley. It will be hard work. Are you sure you’re up for it?” I’m sure she’s not. Especially with that manicure.
“Totally, if it means I get to spend more time getting to know you.” She squeezes my arm against her breast, and I jerk free of her grasp, putting a couple of feet between us.
I assemble the stern lawyer face I learnt from my dad.
“I hope you’re not implying there will be any inappropriate behaviour on the dig. We’re there to work.”
“Of course. We’ll be working really hard .” Did she just wink? Who winks?
I’m going to have to reject her application. Which will be awkward, but not as awkward as being with Riley in close quarters for all those weeks.
“Filling out an EOI doesn’t automatically mean acceptance either. So don’t get your hopes up.” I finally manage to extract my arm and turn back towards the building.
“Oh, I’ll be accepted,” Riley calls after me with a smug smile as I walk away.
Not if I can help it. Which, it turns out, I can’t.
Since I’ve already had two shitful conversations today, I decide to make it a trifecta and corner Jennifer in her office.
“I’m sorry, Ethan. If Riley applies—when she applies—you’ll have to accept her,” Jennifer says when I express concern that Riley wants to come on the dig.
“Amarna’s not even her area of study, and based on her grades, I’d be reluctant to take her even if it was. Why on earth would she want to go?” I pace in front of Jen’s desk, and she watches with an amused grin.
“If I had to guess, I’d say her father is putting pressure on her, and if he wants her to go, then she’s going. Anthony will make sure of it. Rob Hall donates a lot of money to this university.”
“Ah. His baby girl wanted to study Ancient Egypt, so we’re stuck with her?” Which doesn’t explain Riley’s apparent lack of real interest.
“Not exactly. Rob and his father are both doctors. Riley is an only child. There was an expectation she’d go into medicine too. But she didn’t get the grades.” That does explain it though.
“I see. So she has no actual interest in Ancient Egypt; it was just what she could get into. And we're expected to coddle an, at best, average student through a PhD?” I slump at the meeting table in the corner.
“Pretty much. I'm afraid this is the reality of academia these days. We need the money.” Jen shrugs, although I can see it chafes at her that a subject we're passionate about is something Riley settled for. “Which means we’re stuck with her, as you say. And she's not that bad.”
The look I give Jen can leave her in no doubt about my opinion.
I didn’t want to do this, but desperate times and all that.
“Jen, Riley has made it very clear she has a … personal … interest in me. Which is not reciprocated, by the way. I’m uncomfortable with her being on the dig.”
“Oh, come on, Ethan. Are you telling me you’ve never been hit on by a student before?” Jen raises her eyebrows at me and can see by my expression that I have. “Just what I thought. You’re a grown man. Just say no. No means no, regardless of who says it.”
Somehow, I don’t think Riley got that memo.