Chapter Twenty-Nine
Ethan
I had thought I might leave the students to themselves today on their trip to Saqqara and spend the day on admin. Thereby avoiding Sadie. But having experienced the Pyramids of Giza anew through her eyes yesterday, I find I can’t resist joining them. Sadie’s joy is contagious, and I’ve had precious little of it in the past few years. I find I want to soak it up. Inhale it. Let it heal me.
My emotions around Sadie are seesawing, and it’s doing my head in. One minute, I’m sure I’m not ready, and I vow to avoid her. The next, I can hardly take my eyes off her and want to rip the head off any man who looks at her sideways. Then I remember her determination to be nothing more than colleagues. And right now, I’m looking at six weeks of this emotional scramble.
When we got back to the hotel last night, I deputised Ashraf to take care of today’s chores and asked the kitchen to put together a picnic lunch for us. Saqqara is a little outside the city, and there are lots of peaceful, shady spots by the river where we could stop.
I love the necropolis of Saqqara. It’s a massive site, and in recent years there have been some incredible discoveries here. There are pyramids and tombs and buildings from the early Old Kingdom right up to the New Kingdom, and even some Coptic remains. So there’s something for everyone, Egyptian historian-wise.
Since the site is so big, and there’s so much to see, we decide to split into two groups so people can follow their interests. I know I shouldn’t go with Sadie. I know I should keep my distance. But it’s impossible not to be drawn to her. I can also tell by her demeanour that she’s nervous. My friend at the Department of Antiquities confirmed her father wouldn’t be arriving until the weekend, but plans change, and if she was going to run into him anywhere, it would be here.
Feeling so protective of her is perhaps another sign that maybe I’m moving closer to being ready for a relationship. The fact that it seems like the only person I’ve even considered getting close to doesn’t want me is a problem I’ll have to face. But right here and now is not the time. As I said, an emotional scramble.
At least we won’t be alone. We’ll have Bart and Garret with us. Simon, Jeremy, and Riley head off to look at the Coptic monastery and the museum.
“How about we start with the Djoser’s Pyramid?” I suggest, and we make our way to the oldest pyramid in the world.
As always, Sadie asks a million questions and poses almost as many theories. Despite his nervousness and fears around being in Egypt, Garret is at last starting to come out of himself. He may be timid, but he’s smart and insightful when he opens up.
By the time we meet back at the bus, we’re all dusty and starving. Mo and I confer as the students pile onto the bus and agree on a shady spot to stop for lunch.
Ten minutes later, we’re pulling up to a grassy embankment nestled between the river and a field of corn and surrounded by date palms. Across the wide, glittering stretch of the river, children are playing in the shallows. A couple of felucca’s sail slowly past. The half-grown crops behind us rustle in the breeze. It doesn’t get any better than this.
“Oh my God!” screeches Riley as we climb out of the bus. “We’ll be eaten by crocodiles if we sit here!”
If Jennifer hadn’t filled me in on why Riley is studying Ancient Egypt, and why she’s on this trip, I’d wonder how she’s made it to PhD level and yet picked up so little knowledge. Or any interest, as far as I can tell.
“There haven’t been any crocodiles in this part of the Nile since the Aswan Dam was built.” Sadie fights a losing battle with a smile.
“You don’t know that. Maybe some have survived.” Riley manages to combine a pout and a scowl.
“Since the 1960s? Sadie’s right. We might get eaten by mosquitoes, but not a crocodile,” Jeremy replies, handing Riley a tube of insect repellent.
“Hmph.” A flick of Riley’s hair is all the response he gets before she moves to the furthest spot from the river she can find. Sadie, of course, sits right on the edge of the bank, despite the dampness, camera trained on the kids, the feluccas and the swaying crops behind us. Anything and everything is fair game for her lens.
The shade of the date palms and the slight breeze off the water are a welcome relief after a morning wandering over hot sand. Mo unpacks the feast the hotel has put together for us, and we load up our plates with fruits, nuts, cheeses, hummus, felafels, and flatbreads.
Our visit to Saqqara dominates lunchtime conversation. Even Riley shows some enthusiasm for the site. We’re down to picking at the remains of the food when the conversation turns to the ambitions of the group.
Riley expresses a half-hearted desire to work in museums curating exhibitions, as does Simon. Garret has an interest in developing databases of 3D scanned objects, which seems to fit his personality perfectly.
“I’d like to run digs and maybe lecture,” says Bart. Which I already knew. We’ve spent many an evening discussing his plans.
“What about you, Sadie?” asks Jeremy, who has no idea what he wants to do, but since he’s the only son of some kind of baron or earl, perhaps the decision is not his alone.
“I’m with Bart. When I finish my PhD, I’m going to look for a lecturing job. One day I’m going to be the head of department at a uni. Maybe do a few years somewhere overseas. And I want to run digs too.”
“How do you know when you’ve never even been on one? Perhaps you’ll hate it,” Riley snips, never missing an opportunity to needle Sadie.
“Maybe. But I doubt it. So far, the idea of spending three months a year in Egypt seems perfect.” I couldn’t agree more.
Sadie lies back on the grass. Shade and sunlight play over her, and I have to look away.
“What about when you get married and have children? Are you going to trot off and leave them for months on end?” Riley’s tone is disdainful, which irritates me.
For the first time, I see real irritation spark in Sadie. She sits up and levels an annoyed stare at Riley.
“What makes you think I want to get married and have children? Family life is not for everyone, Riley. Maybe I have different ambitions.”
“Quite right,” Bart pipes up. He’s another one under Sadie’s spell. Join the club, mate. “Women don’t need to be constrained by that kind of life if they don’t want to.”
“Well, I plan to get married and have children,” Riley replies.
“And that’s great. For you. It’s just not for everyone. And I’m not sure if it’s for me.”
“You don’t think you’ll ever get married?” Garret asks.
“Riley’s right. Running digs is not really conducive to family life,” Simon adds.
A fact I can attest to. This conversation has touched a nerve. Because maybe I should’ve thought more about whether it was for me before I married Jess, or more to the point, before I started to put off marriage. Maybe I should’ve let her go. Let her find someone who wanted the same things she did.
“I’m not saying never. But if I ever have kids, it won’t be for at least ten years. I have too much I want to do.”
It’s always fascinating listening to students talk about their futures. From a philosophical perspective, the turn of today’s conversation, touching on the roles of women and men, is surprising. These are young adults. All in their mid-twenties. Not one of them has questioned Bart’s ambition to run digs. Or suggested he might struggle to fit them in around family life. Yet they’ve questioned Sadie. I thought we’d moved on from those views, and I’m a little disappointed.
Of all the people sitting around our picnic, Sadie is the brightest, and the most driven. It would be a loss to the academic world if she chose not to pursue a career.
And yet, I have firsthand experience of how this particular career choice impacts relationships. Regardless of gender.
“Maybe Bart and Sadie can get married and run digs together,” Jeremy pipes up, causing everyone to fall about laughing, except Bart. And me.
“And why wouldn’t Sadie want to marry me?” Bart asks, faux offended.
“I tell you what, Bart, when we hit forty, if we’re both still unmarried, I’ll consider it.” Sadie wraps an arm around Bart’s shoulder.
“I’ll hold you to that.” He looks hopeful. I don’t like his chances.
It’s unfair and unreasonable, but I feel unsettled by the idea of Sadie being married to someone else.
“Right. Time to pack up. If you want to call in at the Papyrus Institute on the way back to the hotel, we need to get moving.” I stand and start to gather the plates.
While everyone is distracted packing up and piling onto the bus, I pull Sadie aside.
“I’ve noticed a bit of animosity towards you from Riley. Is everything okay?” I pitch my voice low.
“Yes. It’s fine.” Sadie’s eyes flick to where Riley is climbing the steps of the bus, her back to us.
“If you’d like me to have a word with her …” I raise my eyebrows. Managing this kind of thing is trickier when you’re dealing with adults rather than children. I prefer to tread carefully. But I want Sadie to know I have her back if she needs it.
Sadie shakes her head vehemently.
“No. That’ll just irritate her more. I’m fine. It’s just the way Riley is. I can ignore it.”
I search her face. She means it.
“Alright. Let me know if you change your mind.”
The cough of the engine as Mo starts it up reminds us it’s time to go, and we board the bus. Off to see a demonstration of traditional papyrus-making methods.
The lunchtime conversation plays in my mind as we tour the facility I’ve been to many times before. It’s planted a dangerous seed in my head. Because regardless of how much I loved Jess, and I did, in the deepest part of my heart, I have to acknowledge that maybe we weren’t entirely suited. There’s no denying we wanted different things in life. But marrying, or at least being in a relationship with, a fellow archaeologist would surely work better than marriage to a ‘civilian’. Sadie having the same doubts about having children as me? Best not to think about what that could mean.
Between the mountain of organisation for the dig, and the distraction of Sadie, I had completely forgotten tonight is New Year’s Eve. When we arrive back at the hotel, we’re all invited to a party on the rooftop, from where we'll get a great view of the fireworks over the Pyramids.
I’d love to see them. I’d love to see Sadie see them. But that way lies danger. So it’s a good thing I’m committed to dinner with my Department of Antiquities contacts and the directors of other digs about to get underway. Normally, I’d be one of the first to leave. Tonight, I hang around, hoping the party at the hotel will be over before I get back.
And for once, the universe smiles on me. All is quiet and dark as I get out of the cab and look up at the rooftop. I fall into bed without the temptation of watching Sadie party.