Chapter 7 #2
"Doors aren't soundproof." He steps to the side so I can reach my door, but barely. Close enough that I can smell cigarettes and aftershave. "You lock up the library alone, right? Six o'clock?" He tilts his head. "That's late for a woman by herself. Dark parking lot. Quiet street."
My keys bite into my palm. I don't answer him.
"Just an observation." He lifts both hands, palms out, the way men do when they want you to know they could hurt you and are choosing not to. "You have a good night, ma'am."
He walks away toward the side lot. I don't see what he gets into. I get into my car and lock the doors, my hands shake so hard I drop my keys twice before I get them into the ignition.
The steering wheel presses cold against my forehead and I cry.
I don't know if it's anger or relief or the fact that I told a room full of strangers I'm with Colt, and Colt doesn't know I said it, the word relationship might be more than what we are. I told a boardroom yes. I didn't plan it. I didn't take it back.
A knock on my window.
I lift my head. Jess stands outside my car in a flannel jacket two sizes too big, Finn's, with her arms crossed over a belly rounder than the last time I saw her. She looks at my face, at the tears, at the keys dangling from the ignition.
"I heard about the board meeting," she says. "Come to the clubhouse."
"How did you—"
"I hear everything. It's a gift and a curse." She opens my door. "We have bourbon and opinions. Move."
I follow Jess's truck out of the parking lot and through town to the clubhouse. The building sits at the edge of the harbor, low and sprawling, the Feral Sons logo painted across the side. I've driven past it a hundred times. I've never gone inside.
Sarah meets us at the door with Reeve on her hip, the toddler grabbing fistfuls of her hair while she holds the door open with her foot.
Holly sits on the couch with her boots on the coffee table, an open bottle of Maker's Mark and four mismatched glasses arranged in front of her.
Nina is cross-legged on the floor with a fifth glass already poured, the horn pendant at her collarbone catching the light when she turns.
"Sit," Holly says. She pours. "Drink. Then talk."
I sit and drink. The bourbon burns and I cough and Holly grins at me. Jess slowly lowers herself into an armchair. She's due to pop any day.
I tell them about the board meeting. The complaints, the questions, the chairwoman's face when she asked me point-blank and Dereks visit.
"And you said yes," Holly says. Not a question.
"I said yes."
"Good." Sarah shifts Reeve to her other hip. "Now tell us about the ex-husband."
But I'm not done. I tell them about the man in the parking lot. His voice. The way he said my name. My schedule.
Jess's face goes flat. Holly puts down her glass. Sarah stops playing with Reeve.
"Describe him," Jess says.
"Average. Ball cap. I didn't really see his car."
"Ellie." Holly leans forward. "That's someone who knows your schedule. They are probably Humans First."
"I know."
"Knox needs to hear about this tonight," Sarah says. Her voice has an edge to it.
"I don't want to make it a thing. I handled the board. I can handle—"
"You're not handling a man who knows where you work and what time you lock up." Jess cuts me off. "Finn will want to know. Knox will want to know. Colt will definitely want to know."
"I'll tell Colt. Myself. When I'm ready. Please, I don't want to make a big deal of it."
Jess holds my gaze for three seconds. Then she nods once.
"Soon," Sarah says. "Or I tell Knox and he tells Colt and you lose the option."
"Yes, soon."
Sarah watches me for a beat. Then she settles back. "Now. The ex-husband."
My glass stops halfway to my mouth.
"Bruiser told Knox," she says. "Knox told me. I tell everyone. It's the circle of the club."
I laugh. It comes out wet and wrong and I press my hand over my mouth.
"Derek thinks I'm playing a role," I say. "He thinks the library, the town, Colt... it's a narrative I'm building because the real version of my life scared me."
"Is it?" Jess pulls her feet under her.
"No. Maybe. I don't know." I take another sip and the glass rattles against my lips.
"I'm thirty-eight. I run a county library in a town with one stoplight.
My ex-husband showed up looking like a catalog and told me I'm hiding, and then I sat in front of a board and told them I'm dating an orc, and the orc doesn't even know I said that, and I don't know if what we have is a relationship or if I'm just—"
"Stop." Holly holds up her hand. "My parents planned my whole life. I burned the script. It cost me four years of silence but I'd do it again tomorrow."
Sarah says. "I drove three thousand miles to get away from Peter. Knox was the first man who ever made me feel safe instead of trapped."
Nina touches the horn pendant at her throat. "Garrett packed my bag and told me to leave. I drove back three days later and he hadn't moved from the floor." She shrugs. "These men will try to make the choice for you. Don't let them."
Jess stretches her legs out, one hand on her belly. "I kissed Finn to shut him up during a hurricane and said yes to the claiming bite before he finished asking." She looks at me. "Scariest call I've ever made, and I've made triage calls in the field."
Holly refills my glass. "The point isn't that it's easy. If some guy in a nice coat shows up and tells you this is the easy path, he's lying. This is the hardest thing you'll ever do. The point is that it's worth it."
Nobody tells me what to do. They just tell me what they did.
I drive home at ten. My apartment sits dark and quiet. I turn on one lamp, kick off my shoes, sit on the edge of the bed.
Derek's voice in my head: You're playing a role.
The boardroom in my chest: Are you in a personal relationship?
I said yes. And I meant it. Not for the board, not to prove Derek wrong, not because I read too many romance novels and I want the story to fit. I meant it because Colt is the first person in five years who made me want to stop hiding after six.
I pick up my phone. I send him a text.
Can you come over. Tonight. Is it too soon to say that I need you? If you can get a sitter.
I hit send before I can talk myself out of it. Then I sit on my bed with the phone in my lap, and I wait.