33. Emma
33
EMMA
N ausea swims in my gut, sending a trickle of sharpness up the back of my throat and catching on my tongue. This constant sickness due to stress is driving me crazy. There were only so many rough mornings I could take in a row before I contemplated some dangerous things.
So, I took action.
Caspian’s words about the unwavering support from him and the others plays a part in kicking me into gear, but with the cops being all but useless, I have to tackle this myself.
If only so I can have one day without feeling like my stomach is against me.
I reached out to my ex, Gary. He’s the only person in my life who slots into this shadowy figure making my life hell. The cops might be pursuing the angle that this is all random, but breaking into my car? Into my home? It’s exactly the kind of shit he’d pull.
Reaching out to him brought back a whole host of uncomfortable, upset feelings. He replied almost instantly and agreed to meet me, so I chose somewhere public and tried not to take his eagerness as a sign that I was on the right track.
Arriving at the cafe in the middle of the city, I scan the tables but don’t spot the familiar tell-tale orange mohawk of my ex. After all these years, seeing him again will be jarring—unless he is the reason my life is crumbling, then maybe it will be relieving. I approach the barista and order a coffee. Then, as I head to a table in the corner, a hand shoots out and catches my wrist.
“Emma?”
I glance down at an unfamiliar face, and I’m in the process of pulling my hand away from this stranger when he looks up at me and something shifts in my mind.
Wait, I know those green eyes and that crooked smile. While those are familiar, the mop of dark hair doesn’t fit the picture forming in my mind.
“It’s me,” says the stranger. “Gary.”
“Gary?” My mouth falls open. He looks so incredibly different from the last time I saw him. The sexy, dangerous bad boy with scrawny muscles and a lopsided smirk is no more. Gary is much more slender now, with well-kept dark brown hair on his head. Gone are his T-shirt and jeans, now he wears a suit and offers me a softer smile.
“I know, it’s been a long time. You look good.”
“You look…” I can’t even think of how to describe him. Sitting slowly across from him, I eye him carefully. “You look so different.”
“You think so?” Gary smoothes one hand down his shirt, straightening his crimson tie. “Never thought I’d end up as a suit, but here we are.”
“A suit?”
“Yeah, y’know, office worker? Cog in the machine? That sort of thing.”
“Oh, right. Of course.” Wow. He’s like a completely different person.
“I’m actually really glad you reached out.” Gary sets both hands flat on the table, then clasps them with a small smile. “I’ve been meaning to do the same, but I’ve been too scared.”
A frown pulls at my brow. “Scared of what?”
“Of facing who I used to be. Emma…” He frowns deeply, then fixes me with sad eyes. “I owe you an incredible apology.”
What? What the hell? Never in all my years of dating Gary did he ever apologize.
“You do?” I ask dumbly.
“Of course I do. The things I did to you? The shit I put you through? It was terrible and inexcusable. I was battling a lot of demons back then and trying to impress all of the wrong people. I was a caricature and a terrible, pathetic human being. What I put you through? I am so, so sorry. I can’t apologize enough.”
Am I dreaming? There’s no way this is real.
“Losing you, back then, was one hell of a wake-up call. I was angry for a while and I lashed out at you. I started those rumors about you carrying diseases and everything because I wanted to hurt you, but one day I realized it was me that was the loser. You were gone and I had nothing.”
My heart skips a beat and the paper cup in my hand indents slightly.
“I got myself into therapy. I’m still there now, and through that I’ve learned that a lot of what I did back then was all on me. I treated you horribly and then blamed you for it. I was a colossal asshole and I am so, deeply sorry. I don’t expect forgiveness or even understanding, but please know that I regret how I acted. I was a completely different person and I’m ashamed, looking back.” He sighs deeply and his nervous smile flickers. “That’s also why I was so scared to reach out to you.”
“Did you think I would be cruel?” I ask, finally finding my voice.
“No, not at all. I mean, if you were then it would absolutely be justified. I’ve just been scared of confronting who I was back then.”
“And you’re…doing good now?” I wave one hand toward his crisp suit. “New job?”
“Absolutely. I have a steady job and haven’t drank or taken any drugs in three years. And I’m dating an amazing woman. I can’t make up for what I did to you, but I can make sure I don’t make the same mistakes,” Gary says. “I have healthy outlets now.”
Holy shit. He’s really turned his life around. My anger toward him still burns in my chest, but I can’t bring myself to voice it. We were both different people back then, and he treated me like garbage, but I can’t deny how hard he’s worked to change himself.
One thing is for sure. I don’t think he’s the one that broke into my car, or my apartment.
Old Gary, for sure. This one? Not so much.
“I’m sorry, I’m rambling. What about you? You look really good. Graduating soon, right?”
I keep the details of my life light and accept his apology for how things ended. I don’t forgive him, but I do appreciate how sincere he is when he says he’s sorry. The longer I spend with him, the more certain I am that he’s not the shadow in my home. His life is better, more fulfilled and I’m nothing but a reminder of his past.
In some ways, we’ve both vastly improved, and I’d be happy for him if I weren’t still carrying so much hurt from the rumors he started. We talk for an hour until work calls him back, and we part ways amicably.
It’s not at all how I expected that meeting to go, and I head back to Finn’s place with even more confusion worming away inside me.
“You’re not going to believe who I just had coffee with,” I say the moment Ana and Meghan answer the call in the group chat.
“Timothée Chalamet,” Ana says.
“What? No,” I groan. “I just had coffee with Gary.”
“What?!” Ana and Meghan exclaim in unison. “Are you crazy?”
“I had to see him, okay? Ever since Meghan mentioned him, I realized how obvious it was that he would want to bring me harm.”
“Asshole,” Meghan mutters.
“So?” Ana presses. “Did he admit it?”
“No, and I don’t think it is him. He’s different. Like movie montage makeover different. He’s got a new life, he’s in therapy, and he apologized so many times that I thought I was dreaming.”
“Maybe terrorizing you is his therapy,” Ana mutters.
“No. He seems good now in a way that pisses me off only a little bit.” Rolling my eyes, I cross the street. “It just puts me right back at square one. I have no idea who is doing this, and I’m so nervous that I’m sick all the time. I thought that would stop after exams but shit, it’s worse than ever.”
“Well, if you think about it, you’re still under a lot of stress,” Meghan says softly. “This stuff that’s been happening, the stress of your parents, and even waiting for exam results. I’ve been a bit icky too.”
“Or it’s none of that,” Ana says matter-of-factly. “And it’s something else.”
“Something else?” I hurry across the next crossing. “Like what?”
“A baby, Emma. Come on, I told you to take a test weeks ago. We all know how much havoc stress can play with the pill.”
Honestly, Ana’s advice had slipped my mind with everything else going on, but now that she’d mentioned it again, my mind was running. There’s no way, right? I take the pill religiously and while things have been stressful, there’s no way it’ll be that bad.
Right?
“Oh honey,” Meghan murmurs. “You know, better safe than sorry, right? The pill is fickle and given everything that’s happened, your hormones are gonna be insane. Maybe it’s safer to take a test to rule it out? Or go to a doctor?”
“I promise you, a doctor will also have the same idea as soon as they learn you’re sexually active,” Ana points out. “Listen, all I’m saying is that you’re off tilt, right? There are a hundred reasons why, and all you can do is control what you know. So, rule one out. It’ll help narrow things down when you do go to the doctor, right? You’ve ruled out Gary as your stalker or whatever, now rule something out with your health.”
Ana spoke so much sense that I bought a pregnancy test on the way home.
Thankfully, Finn isn’t home when I arrive, although I send him a text just to let him know I’m here. Given how intent he’s been on my security, I’m still not convinced he doesn’t have a secret silent alarm somewhere.
Peeing on the stick, I start a timer and message my girls to let them know I’m taking the test to rule it out. After all, I already know what it’s going to say, and Meghan makes a good point. I can take it to the doctor and open with, hey, I’m not pregnant, but I am sick, so help me.
Stress is a killer, as they say.
While waiting, an email pops up and catches my attention.
It’s from the summer classes Asher recommended. After Asher gave me the brochure, I emailed them on a whim, expressing interest in the course but nothing else. I’m still undecided about what I want to do.
Opening the email, my blood runs cold and my heart plummets.
Dear Miss Pierce,
We thank you for your kind words and interest in our summer course, however it has been brought to our attention that your engagement in personal activities may shed an unsuitable light upon this establishment. We feel that you will not be a good fit for …
The rest blurs as my eyes flood with tears.
They’re rejecting me immediately.
Without knowing me, without seeing my work, without giving me a chance. Near the bottom, just below the signature, two pictures are attached as evidence of what isn’t allowed, and my heart sinks like a rock plummeting right out of my body.
I know those pictures.
They’re my stolen pictures. How on earth did this happen? I didn’t tell a soul that I’d contacted them, and the only person who knew I was even remotely interested was Asher.
What the fuck is happening?
Suddenly, the alarm I set blares to life, and I jump from my perch on the edge of the toilet.
Grasping numbly for the test, I glance at it briefly and then it pulls my attention completely.
Two lines.
Pregnant.
Holy fucking shit.
I’m pregnant . This was supposed to be a joke, a throwaway test to rule things out.
There’s no way it’s true.
Pregnant?
Me ?
What the hell am I going to do with a baby?!
No. There’s no way. Not now. Not like this.
How disastrous can my life get?