44. Justin
forty-four
Ifind myself being hugged by the woman who must hate me the most.
Audrey’s mother.
What is she doing here? And more importantly, why is she hugging me? She should be trying to pull my eyes out.
What was her name?
Anita.Anita and Clyde Ward, Audrey’s parents. Whom I met only once, in a lawyer’s conference room, where they and I received compensation for the accident.
They deserved it. Hell, there’s nothing that could ever compensate for their loss.
Me? I was a fraud. I didn’t deserve anything, other than their contempt, or hatred, or whatever horrible feelings they were in their right to nurture about me.
We didn’t talk that day, and that was fine by me. I was in a dazed state, weak and probably medicated, so I could get through the motions. There were moments when I just had to take meds.
Like the day I was facing the parents of the girl I’d offered to drive home.
And the man who ran us over.
And I was getting money for this mess. Money that everyone had advised I was entitled to.
I felt dirty that day, and for all the following days. And to this day.
I also remember, distinctly, that Kevin Murphy looked relieved.
Relieved!
And his brother-in-law, Sullivan, who had deep pockets, was paying on his behalf, and letting it be known? He looked annoyed. Like he couldn’t be bothered.
I hated those two instantly.
“Finally, we get to see you and hold you and say thank you,” Mrs. Ward says as she releases me, takes a step back, and sizes me up, top to bottom, her hands on my forearms. “What a fine man you’ve become.” She says it with admiration. No animosity. Not even sadness. “Doesn’t he look good?” she asks her husband.
Clyde takes my hand and shakes it for several long seconds. “So glad to see you’re doing good, son. Sorry we didn’t reach out sooner.” His eyes are wet with emotion, but not the sad kind.
They’re happy. They’re genuinely moved and happy to see me.
Do they have me confused with someone else?
I shuffle from one foot to the other. I need to fix this misunderstanding, and it might turn out ugly. Chloe might lose her bartender for tonight. Shit. I should’ve known the private event had to do with the ten-year anniversary. But then again, I’d never thought they’d have it here, at Murphy’s restaurant, of all places. “You—you know who I am?”
Anita Ward’s lower lip trembles sightly. “We never thanked you properly.”
What is she talking about? “Sorry?”
She turns to her husband. “Honey. We sat with Kevin, talked it out, gave him our forgiveness. I cannot believe we never spoke with Justin, when he’s been in our prayers every. Single. Day.”
Clyde nods at his wife and grunts what seems like his agreement.
What the hell is she talking about? Okay, so they forgave Kevin. Good for him. And I get that, coming from them. I suppose.
But what do they have to thank me for?
“I don’t follow, Mrs. Ward.”
“Anita,” she corrects me. And then sets her hand on my forearm, looks deep in my eyes, and delivers the most bizarre statement. “You accompanied our Audrey on her path. We can never thank you enough for that.”
I glance at Mr. Ward.
“Audrey didn’t die alone,” he says in a muted voice, a voice that still carries his pain when he says the words. But his eyes? His eyes convey relief, and peacefulness, and thankfulness. “You were there with her, you were wounded so she wouldn’t die alone in… horrific circumstances. She had another human being with her. A young man who cared for her.” His eyes are wet, but his mouth spreads in a genuine, if small, smile. “We’re eternally grateful to you for that. You’re a true hero to our family.”
I reel back at their words.
Anita’s hand clenches around my arm. “You cared for her in her last moments.”
“Your wounds are our relief,” Clyde adds, his explanation adding to my confusion.
“If it weren’t for you, our Audrey would have passed alone and scared. Because of you, she didn’t. She had a human connection to the end,” Anita continues.
My throat tightens. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve their compassion, much less their thankfulness.
This is nuts.
“You don’t understand,” Clyde says. “In our darkest moments, thinking over and over that we’d lost her and how, knowing you were with her, you did everything you could, and she knew it, she knew she had someone next to her who cared enough to put his life on the line for her, that was consolation enough. Her life was short, but she was loved and cared for, to the very end.” His eyes are shiny as he turns to his wife. “You were right, honey, he didn’t know. I’m glad we told him.”
Anita gives him a small smile and turns to me. “You’re a selfless young man, a true knight in shining armor. And you almost lost your own life being that. Now be sure to look after yourself too. Don’t let regrets and what-ifs get in the way of living your best life.”
I shuffle my feet again, not sure how to answer that.
“We’re embarrassing him, honey,” Clyde declares.
Any other time, I’d be embarrassed. Now, I’m too stunned for that.
Audrey’s parents are thankful. To me.
We’re interrupted by the arrival of the first couple, but I stay stunned in place while the Wards welcome their guests.
Chloe slides next to me. “You okay?” she whispers.
My voice stays stuck in my throat.
“You need a moment? Wanna use my office?”
I need to snap out of it. “I’m good.”
The focus back on being just the bartender for the night, until Mr. Ward stands for a moving speech about his daughter, Audrey. What’s beautiful about it is the way they seem to have transcended the loss of their daughter into living life to its fullest.
At some point, he mentions me by name and points to me, and I have no other choice than to listen to him actually call me a hero again. People clap. It’s embarrassing.
But it’s beginning to sink in.
Live life to the fullest, be thankful for what you have, embrace the opportunities, go after what you want.
And I’m thankful for what I have.
And I know I want more, and I’m going to go after it.
I look at Chloe.
And fuck me if that isn’t the moment the Sullivans walk into the restaurant.