Chapter 1 #2
You can’t let them have any more control over you. Start your day. Clean your place, pack up his shit.
I pride myself on being intelligent and witty, reading people before they even open their mouths. But this situation was different. These people had spent my whole life learning my patterns. My happiness. My triggers. They knew exactly how to get in my head.
They were able to pull the wool over my eyes because I loved them and thought I was safe. That was the furthest thing from the truth.
“This is bullshit,” I muttered, walking into my kitchen.
I filled my tea kettle with water and placed it on the stove. My head was still banging, so I grabbed some Excedrin and swallowed three of them dry. I stared at the wall in front of me until my kettle whistled.
Make your tea, then get to business. No crying today.
Pain still wrecked my body as I grabbed a cup from the cabinet. I pulled lemon slices from the fridge, grabbed the honey, and made my tea. Once it was ready, I sat at the island and blew across the top to cool it down.
The first sip pissed me off. Something was off. It was too sweet, not enough lemon; I didn’t even steep it long enough. Then, it hit me. I hadn’t made my own tea since Dubai. Azani made it. He had it down to a science… made it perfectly every single time.
He would have fixed this.
But he wasn’t here, and he wouldn’t be. I started over. Let my tea steep while I watched the sun rise. Once it was ready, I tried to remember everything he did to make it just right—three lemon slices, two teaspoons of honey, and one small sprig of mint.
When I finally got it right, I grabbed my weed pen from my purse and stepped onto the balcony.
The city was starting to wake up. People commuting to work and birds chirping loudly in the trees.
Usually, I’d complain about the cold, but today, I welcomed it.
Hopefully, it would numb my heart and make me forget that any of this ever happened.
I just sipped my tea, listening to the sounds of the city come to life.
The weed was doing its job. I felt numb enough to go inside my room, shower, and then start physically removing this man from my life.
Stepping back through the door, I looked around my place. Little remnants of Azani were everywhere: three big ass vases of roses he got me two days ago, a briefcase right beside them, and a lighter he used before we left each other yesterday. This was my peace, and he stole it from me.
Finally, I moved, stepping into my bedroom.
I stripped out of my clothes and tossed them into my hamper.
Waiting for the shower to warm up would defeat the purpose of shaking back, so I just stepped in.
The water was so cold that my teeth chattered.
I just scrubbed my body twice and stepped out.
Skincare was an even faster process. I wrapped my hair, hoping that would salvage it, then threw on a pair of tights and a tank top.
Looking around my closet, I saw Azani there too.
A few pairs of shoes, two suits, T-shirts I slept in, and a bottle of his cologne.
I gathered everything I could see and tossed it on the floor in my room.
I went around the house, finding anything that belonged to him.
Everything had to go. Once I got everything together, I stuffed the clothes in a trash bag and found a box to put his briefcase and laptop in.
I pushed them both into the hallway and snatched the sheets off my bed. His scent hit me again, making a knot form in my throat that I could barely swallow. If I let that feeling sit too long, I’d cry all day, and that wasn’t an option.
As I was walking out of the room, one of his T-shirts sticking out of the bag caught my eye, and I froze. It was my favorite one to sleep in. When I missed him, I’d wear it. Spray his cologne on it and sleep peacefully. Now, it felt like emotional torture.
How could a man who made me feel so safe lie to me this way? How could he tell me he loved me and seem so genuine that I believed him?
Moving was the only way I wouldn’t fall apart, so I kept going toward my laundry room. Once I put my comforter inside the washer, I was on a mission.
Rage cleaning is not like a regular clean. You throw shit away. You get on your hands and knees and scrub dirt that’s not even there. I started in my room and worked all the way to my dance room. I dusted, scrubbed, swept, and mopped until sweat poured from every part of my body.
The fumes from the cleaning products were so strong that I needed to step out onto the balcony, but not before I grabbed a bottle and a shot glass. My phone had been off since last night, and it was at least two in the afternoon, so I grabbed that too and powered it on.
I laid it face down, preparing myself for how many messages and missed calls I’d have. One shot to the head, then another. A few more wouldn’t hurt, so I took them too. Once the buzz set in, I picked up my phone and sighed.
Twenty text messages and five voicemails. I opened Savannah’s thread first.
Savannah: Not you standing me up, bitch. I thought you wanted me to meet you so we could find something for you to wear for this date.
Savannah: If you don’t call me back by three tomorrow, I’m coming to your place, Dev. Parker and I have been calling all damn night.
Another message came through right then.
Savannah: We are pulling up in 15 minutes. Your ass better be dead, cuz if you’re not, I’m killing you for making us worry.
“Shit,” I muttered, jumping up from my seat.
Heading back inside, my eyes scanned my living room. There was nothing out of place; I was just anxious. Do I tell my friends about me being arranged to be married to the same man I put on this pedestal? How I fawned over this man like he was the best thing that ever happened to me?
They will be able to tell, Devyn. They’ll know that something is wrong…
Parker would be the first to know that something was off with me. She’d give Savannah one look, and they’d be ready to jump Azani on sight. They never played about me.
They can’t see you like this… Pull it together.
I tilted the bottle back again, hoping it would stop my hands from shaking and slow my heart down. My phone buzzed in my hand, and it was Nanna calling. I’d never hit decline so fast in my life. Not even a minute later, a text came through.
Nanna: Devyn, I’ll give you a few more days, but there’s so much more we need to discuss. I know you’re angry. Just let me explain. Please.
“Angry?” I spat, looking at her message.
If she thought this was angry, she really didn’t know me. I turned my phone back off and laid it face down on the table.
I sat in that same spot and stared at the wall until I heard banging on my door.
“DEVYN, I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE! OPEN THE DOOR!” Savannah hollered.
“Dev, please… let us in. Tell us what’s going on.” Parker sounded like she was crying, and it broke me.
The tears I’d been holding back came full force as I stumbled toward the door. I pulled it open slowly, and the second they saw me, they rushed me. Hugging me so tight my legs gave out from how safe I finally felt.
They fell on the floor with me. Rocked me back and forth, hugged me tighter, but they didn’t say a word. As much as I thought being alone would help, I needed my friends. If I were going to get through this, I’d need somebody. My family wasn’t an option, and neither was Azani.