Chapter 15 #2
I turned my chair toward her, and she scooted closer, then gently grabbed my hands.
“Nothing I’m about to say is an excuse. It’s just my truth. Some very hard and selfish decisions I’ve made along the way for what your life is today.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
“It was 1970… Fourth of July in Martha’s Vineyard. The Silvermans and the Stones decided that we would vacation together there every year. I was a young girl, maybe fifteen. Already promised to your grandfather but still full of life. Nothing like who I am today. I was hopeful.”
Hopeful… What am I about to learn?
Her hands shook slightly, but she continued.
“I’d seen boys that I thought were cute, and I had little crushes, but Lonni…
” She shook her head, smiling, with that faraway look in her eyes.
“Lonni was something totally different. He was beautiful. Soft spoken and such a gentleman. He was strong and assertive. Wouldn’t let me open one door.
I couldn’t even jump across a puddle without his assistance. ”
My heart beat faster as I listened to her tell her life story. This was something she’d never told me. Not even a whisper.
“We spent every day together from July first until three days before school started, when it was time for him to go back to Georgia and for my family to go back home to Virginia. You can imagine how inseparable we’d become.
Love budded there, but it grew when our families showed up at the same galas, when we took random vacations together, and when Christmases started intertwining.
But the summer of ’71 is when I realized that Lonni was the love of my life. ”
Tears welled in her eyes and fell almost instantly. Nanna never cried much, so anytime I saw her cry, I did too.
“Nanna…” I whispered.
She shook her head and wiped her tears, but they kept coming.
“No, baby. Let me finish. He was my first kiss… The first man to ever touch me, if you get what I mean.” She chuckled lightly, holding my hands tighter.
“We wanted to be together so bad that we would sneak off, thinking our parents didn’t know.
By the time we were grown, that love had grown.
We thought we would run away together. Duty be damned.
Our intended spouses were an afterthought. ”
Her tears came faster, and her chest rose and fell, but so did mine. I felt like I was waiting for the rug to be pulled from under my feet.
“Summer of ’75… that’s when it all changed.
Our families got together that year, too.
Same beach houses, same traditions, and Lonni and I snuck off together again.
But this particular night, we were left with evidence of our love.
A little girl who I didn’t get to hold in my arms. Lonni was forced to stay away from his daughter and me.
My father held me hostage when he found out I was pregnant, threw me on a plane, and took me away until I gave birth. ”
Nanna dropped my hands and sobbed. She was crying so hard that her shoulders shook.
I moved slowly and wrapped my arms around my Nanna.
I wasn’t looking at my grandmother, the matriarch, the woman who made all the decisions.
I wasn’t looking at the strongest woman I’d ever met.
I saw Vivian… the young girl with a dream.
I rocked her back and forth while she cried. We both cried for all that she’d lost. When she finally pulled away, she wiped her face, then grabbed my hands again.
“I have to finish,” she choked, staring back at me.
“My father and his father made me sign the adoption papers right after I gave birth to my daughter. They only let me look at her for maybe one solid minute, but I memorized her beautiful little face as best I could. Lonni and I saw each other three months after I had her, and I decided it was over. That I’d marry Reagan and hope that love would find me again.
In some ways, it did. Your mom and RJ are proof of that.
“But I never forgot my first babygirl, and to this day, I never stopped loving Alonzo Stone.”
My hands shook against hers, and we didn’t say a word.
Just silence and tears between us. Without her explaining, I understood.
The generational trauma that was passed down.
How she believed adoption was her only option when it came to Sevyn—all the things she wanted to tell me at Lavendar that I didn’t stay to hear.
I realized that my Nanna was still very much in love with another man fifty years later.
Then, my mind drifted to what G said to me at Honey Buns. He told me I was cherished. Now, I knew he meant that in more ways than one. Not just because Azani loved me, but because he loved my nanna.
“I’m so sorry, Nanna,” I whispered. “Do you know where she is?”
She smiled through tears, bringing my hands to her lips to kiss. “I do. Her name is Geneva Mathis. She’s a mother, a grandmother, and a phenomenal wife. Her adoptive parents love her. She’s also a doctor. Your doctor, to be exact.”
All this time, my own aunt had cared for me. We always had a connection. I always felt safe with her, and I never felt any shame. Now, I knew why.
“Does she know? Does she know about you and G? Does she know that she has a whole family?” I asked, scooting closer.
“I don’t know if it’s even safe for her to know. But I’ve watched her grow. I’ve known about each of my grandchildren’s births. I was there the day she got married as a plus one.” She giggled. “The only thing she got from me was my freckles. She looks just like Lonni. Can’t you tell?”
When I thought about it, she did look like G. She definitely had freckles. When I met her, she looked at mine and smiled. At my very first appointment with her, she told me they were gorgeous and that I should never cover them.
“Yeah… she does look like him. And her freckles? They are the same pattern as ours, Nanna. How did you survive it? How did you keep going?”
“I barely survived it, Zuri. But I got up and lived because I didn’t have time to slow down.
Because of what your grandfather created, I became the head of both the Heathrow and Silverman families.
There was no one else to hold it together.
So, when Alonzo and I agreed to the arrangement after we found out you were a girl, we had to make some hard decisions.
They weren’t right, but to appease Asad and for your grandfather’s atonement, you were the sacrifice.
But to me, you were a gift. Because I knew Alonzo would protect you, and he would raise a grandson who would protect you, too. And he did.”
The way Azani loved me made sense. G raised him to be the man he is today. Now I knew why he protected me so fiercely. It was embedded in him from a young age. The way he knew me. He’d studied me and learned everything he could. The house and its design choices. Every little detail mattered to him.
“You’re thinking about him right now, aren’t you?” Nanna asked, smiling.
I nodded, smiling because the man they chose for me wasn’t bad. He was a man of his circumstances, and, like everyone else, he did what he thought was best. It wasn’t right, but no matter which route Azani took, I would have made it difficult.
“I love you, Devyn Zuri. You are my favorite person in the world… and I do love you more than anything. Do you believe that?” she asked.
“I love you too, Nanna. And, yes, I believe you.”
She grabbed me and hugged me like only she could. Rocked me back and forth and rubbed my back like she always would. Warm, soft, and my comfort.
“You are my heart, Devyn,” she whispered.
When my office door swung open, Nanna and I turned around and stared at Vic. His usual calm demeanor was frantic. His chest heaved up and down like he’d just run a mile.
“Dev, Mrs. Heathrow, I need to get you out of here now!” he said, holding the door open.
My stomach dropped. I’d never seen Vic act like this, but I grabbed my purse anyway.
Nanna grabbed my hand as we walked quickly to the front door ahead of Vic.
Nanna’s security, Jax, rushed her to his truck, and Vic rushed me to his.
I didn’t even have time to ask any questions as he mashed on the gas, speeding away from Princesses & Pirouettes.