Chapter Thirty-Seven
SUNNY
Stepping out into the cold winter air, I’m hit with the crunch of snow under my shoes and the Christmas lights wrapping the light posts. There’s snow. Which means Christmas is coming. I blink at the lights as the realization dawns on me—it’s already December.
I worked Thanksgiving and went to Tyler’s after for family dinner, so it didn’t feel like a different day.
But Christmas…the lights, the music, it’s all a constant reminder that I’m not home with my family.
Another reminder that Ryan’s nowhere to be found and no other leads were made known. Nothing.
I’m actually enjoying my time here now, to the point I let time pass without regarding updates at all. And without any update on Ryan since October, it ironically put me at peace. I’m living. I’m actually moving forward.
Putting a hand to my chest, I realize that empty feeling is still there, but now seems so, so small.
And maybe, maybe this is a step forward.
Just as I took two steps forward, I take five big steps back. Who the fuck was I thinking I could move forward?
I spent the whole day focused on my lack of an update on Ryan.
One minute, I think I’m almost whole. In the next breath, I’m plagued by emptiness.
The illusion that my life could somehow become better while on the run from a man determined to chase me has dwindled and reality has sucker punched me in the gut.
Festering thoughts erode my mind throughout my shift, making it hard to concentrate on my work until I get some sort of update.
On my walk home, I decide to call the detective working my case. He would’ve called anyway if there was an update, right? But to ease my anxious mind, I tap on his contact number.
“Detective Rodriguez, hi Sunny,” he greets me.
“Hi Detective Rodriguez, is now a good time to chat?” My voice shakes.
“Actually yes. I was planning on calling you tomorrow as I know it’s a little later there. But we can speak now since you reached out. I have an update for you.”
Closing my eyes, I feel my heart drop. The world feels like it’s about to cleave in two and I’m going to fall right through the crack.
“Okay,” I breathe. “I’m ready.”
I’m not, but I need to know.
The detective takes a long, deep breath. He’s known me since I was a little girl, just as almost everyone else did in my small town.
“He left Oregon, Sunny.” I hear the disappointment almost as much as I can hear my heart break.
“So, what this means is, we don’t know where he is, and we think he could be on the move to find you.
We have nothing to confirm that, though.
He could be moving to just prevent being caught.
Staying in one place too long can leave too much for us to track him.
It’s hard to find someone that doesn’t want to be found and hasn’t committed any other crimes. ”
Closing my eyes slowly, my arms hang down by my sides. I tilt my head back to the cold night sky before me. This means staying in one place too long can leave too much for him to track me.
“Sunny?” The detective calls. “Sunny, you are safe. We have already alerted the local authorities there to keep an eye for a man of his description. You have a restraining order. I think he’s aware of the repercussions if he tries to find you and violate that order. Warrants are out for his arrest.”
“Right,” I manage to say.
“It may not seem like it right now, but we will find him. He’s going to mess up, and when he does, we’ll be prepared.”
I nod to no one in particular. “Thank you, detective. I appreciate all the hard work you guys are doing for me.”
“We just want you safe and to be able to come home. Call if you need anything.”
The words tear me apart. Home. I can’t go home because of him. He can be anywhere now. At least with him being in Oregon, they knew that he wasn’t anywhere else. That he wasn’t here.
What if he is here?
For the first time in awhile, I feel unsafe walking home. Looking over my shoulder at every sound, I hustle my way back to my apartment through the cold night.
I lock the door as soon as I walk in and place my forehead against the door that no longer feels like a decent enough barrier between me and Ryan.
And I cry.