Chapter Fifty-Six
TYLER
She opens her apartment door and leads me in by my hand. I step into the familiar place with a weight sitting on my chest. It feels wrong, so fucking wrong. This never was an issue before.
Before her.
If I don’t do this now, I’m not sure I ever will be able to. If I don’t do this now, Shelby will start suspecting too much. I don’t need her running to her daddy, telling him her fiancé is in love with another woman, posing more of a threat to my little fire when she’s already running from so much.
Eventually, I’ll be expected to produce an heir shortly after our wedding, so I need to be okay with fucking her now or else I never will be.
Something breaks inside me that I never thought could be broken, knowing it’ll all be with Shelby and never with Sunny.
Hearing the door close with a click behind me, I turn around, my body tense as I prepare for what’s to come.
Shelby’s hands linger on the doorknob behind her, a lust sits in her brown eyes as she grazes them over me. Ready to show me just how thankful she is I gave her a second chance, and put that ring on her finger.
She’s delusional to think it’ll ever mean anything.
Slowly, she steps towards me, taking cautious steps considering I’m still a flight risk. Run. Run. Run. Her red painted nails reach for me as she gets inches from me, grazing up my suit covered arms and sliding it off.
“It’s so nice having you back here, Tyler,” she whispers in my ear.
I don’t say anything back. I’m not in the mood to talk. I just want to fuck her and be done with it. And I’m not even in the mood for that either.
Fuck. What has Sunny done to me?
“Let me show you, Tyler. Let me show you how grateful I am.” Her brown eyes peer up at me. She starts lowering herself down on me. I close my eyes as my chest caves in. The last set of lips around me were Sunny’s. Shelby won’t replace and erase that.
She fiddles with my belt and pants, but before she can release my soft cock, I fist her hair, forcing her to stand back up.
Her brown eyes widen to saucers as she meets my cold stare. “Let me do this, Tyler,” she pleads.
I throw her towards her bedroom. “In the room.”
Stumbling on her heeled feet, she listens to me as she enters her massive bedroom.
I could try and say I’m not normally like this when I fuck a woman, but that’d be a lie. I’ve always been in the business of a fuck and fling. I’m not going to hover. I’m not going to do aftercare. I never believed in making love. I get what I need and leave.
Shelby sits on her bed like the good little submissive slut she is. “Tell me what you want.”
I don’t want her. I want my Sunny.
I swallow hard as I unbutton my dress shirt, because I actually like this one, and I’m not going to let her ruin it. “Get undressed.”
She listens as she peels her clothing off, revealing the matching lacey red set she wears underneath. She was prepared for tonight. She was expecting it. And I’m so fucking mad at myself for falling into her predictions.
I peel off the dress shirt, but that’s all I take off. She doesn’t deserve to see the rest of me. Staying clothed will make this faster. I’m not going to give myself to her the way I was supposed to give myself to Sunny.
I approach her on the bed, stepping into her. She looks up at me from where she sits, her brown eyes hopeful.
“Tyler..” she breathes. “Get undressed, baby. Get undressed for me.”
Grabbing her by the neck, I bring her face inches to mine. “I do what I fucking want.”
I feel her swallow hard under my grasp, her chest starts moving faster as her lungs search for the air I’m slowly constricting from her. But she nods. Good. She knows her place.
“Have you slept with anyone else?” I ask.
Her eyes widen, and I feel her body tremble because she knows she can’t lie. If she does, she knows I’ll find out.
“Yes,” she chokes as I take more of her air.
“Such a little slut. Good, because you’ll be begging for the pleasure they brought you while stuck in a lifetime of pain with me. You are a pussy to be fucked and a contract to be signed.”
“What can I do—” I cut her off as I flip her onto her stomach.
I can’t fucking watch what I’m about to do.
“There’s nothing you can do.” I yank down her underwear. I unzip my pants and fist my fucking limp dick in my hand. I stroke myself over and over to try and get something.
What are you doing to me, Sunny?
Shelby tries to turn her head back to me, but I push her face down in the mattress. Once I finally get my dicks attention, I grab the condom from my pocket and tear it open with my teeth, rolling it on my half hard cock.
I grab her hips, ready to sink myself into her. But I pause, I fucking pause as my stomach pits, my chest caves in, and I’m pretty fucking sure I feel bile rise in my throat.
What the fuck is happening to me?
Just fucking do it, Tyler. Do what you’re expected to do. If I can’t even do it with a condom, how the fuck will I ever be able to make an heir? If I don’t do what I’m supposed to, Mitchell will attack where he knows it’ll hurt.
“Tyler, Tyler please. Let me help you,” she murmurs.
She needs to fucking shut up so I can focus. That’s how she’ll help me.
I smack her ass hard, making her whimper. “Shut up and let me fuck you,” I growl pushing her back down into the mattress.
“Yes sir,” she says too amused, too fucking turned on by my aggression. I roll my eyes and clench my jaw as I close my eyes, trying to will myself into what I need to do.
And I finally push into her.
Every muscle in my body goes absolutely rigid as I work my hips. It feels wrong. It feels so fucking wrong. I try to imagine Sunny. Try to imagine being inside her instead as I push into Shelby, but she fucking moans, interrupting me.
I rip off a piece of my dress shirt with my teeth, ball it and shove it in her mouth, muffling her and making her gag. I rip another longer piece, tying it around her head to secure the gag I placed in her mouth.
I can’t be reminded of what I’m doing.
I start pounding into her, trying to imagine my little fire’s face when I worked my fingers in her and she rode my face. The sound of her completely making me unhinged and needy and desperate. It’s working, I think. I feel my dick finally awaken and decide to do its goddamn job.
Then Shelby lets out a loud moan over the gag, and I’m brought back to my reality. My jaw flexes as I grit my teeth and fist her hair, pushing her head further into the mattress to stifle her.
She enjoys anything I give her. I can already feel her pussy clamping down around me.
Just fucking finish, Tyler. Just fucking do it.
I can’t get there, no matter how quickly my hips move. No matter how much focus I put into this just to get the damn job done. Fuck. Why can’t I finish?
Shelby becomes unraveled. Her body seizing as her pussy ripples around my cock. God dammit.
“Get up.” I grab her by the back of the neck, getting her up on wobbly feet. Her legs shaking from the orgasm I just gave her. And I hate myself for it. She doesn’t deserve it.
I slam her against the wall, frustrated I can’t get my fucking dick to work right. Shelby cries out at the impact, but doesn’t complain because like I said earlier, she won’t bite the hand that feeds her.
I push into her again more aggressively this time, working my frustration on her.
I swear to god if Sunny fucking ruined this for me…
She tries to bring her hands around my neck but I grab each and slam them against the wall above her head, pinning them there so she can’t touch me. Her hands don’t belong on me.
Each muscle in my body grows tenser with each thrust into her. My dick does its job of staying hard, but it won’t complete it’s fucking task.
I slam my hand on the wall next to Shelby’s head. “Fuck!” I yell as I continue working in her. When I remove my fist, there’s a hole in the wall.
She starts to moan again under my aggression.
Her happy fucking pussy chasing another orgasm.
She’s going to think this is the best night of her life.
Engaged to a man who gives her multiple orgasms, when in reality I’m selfishly trying to find my own release.
Trying to prove a goddamn point to myself.
Grabbing her by the hair again, I throw her on the bed. Facing me now, I grab her by her thighs, pulling her to the edge of the bed. When I push into her again, I try to look everywhere but at her. Yet she’s still all I can see.
“No,” I say out loud and flip her back over on her stomach, forcing her head back into the mattress to hide my reality.
Whipping my belt off, I grab her arms, bending them harshly and tie them together behind her back, stretching them painfully to the point she cries out again. But she doesn’t ask me to stop.
I start hitting her from behind again, trying to envision my little fire instead. Come on…
I shove her face deeper into the mattress, knowing I’m slowly cutting off her air supply. If I just hold her there long enough...I could put an end to all of this. Soon enough, she’ll stop breathing if I could have it my way. I could put an end to her the way I’ve always wanted to.
I shake my head and redirect my thoughts to my Sunny.
I imagine the night we got drunk together.
The way her hands explored my body. The way it didn’t hurt when she touched me.
How much I craved her. I imagine those blue-green eyes meeting my stare while she devoured me.
Those perfect pink lips around my cock, taking me the way she was made to.
My eyes remain shut, envisioning that night.
Working myself so hard into Shelby our skin is slapping and stinging.
She groans under the gag, but I tune her out as I imagine me and Sunny in the shower on New Year’s Eve. Her body under the shower water. The way she cried for my dick as I fucked her mouth.
“Yes baby,” I whisper, imagining it all.
My fist in her hair, making her look up at me with those blue-green eyes, the desire sitting heavy in them. The way her mouth parts as my fingers push inside her. Feeling every bit of her. The fucking wetness that my mouth craves to taste. Her hips rolling with my fingers, chasing that climax.
“Just like that,” I breathe as I keep working.
The orgasm starts to approach. It’s kindling at the base of my spine, trying to work its way to me. I keep imagining my girl, trying to keep this moment. Trying to keep her.
My forehead pressed to hers as I breathe her in. Her breath becoming rhythmic with mine. The way she sat in my lap on New Year’s Eve. So comfortable and content. The way her soft fingers traced the jagged scars on my body, seeing them as beauty rather than tragedy.
I realize I don’t even need to think about our sexual encounters just to get me off. No. All I need to think about is her. Because it’s her. It will always be her. So, I imagine her lips on mine. The way they tell me everything she refuses to admit herself.
I love you.
And finally, I find my fucking release.
The orgasm invades my body, taking hold of me as I imagine my Sunny. “Fuck!” I groan as I finish.
I open my eyes as I realize the reality I’m in. My hand is shoving Shelby’s face so deep into the mattress, I wouldn’t be surprised her air supply is cut off and I succeeded in what my thoughts were screaming to do.
The weight of everything crashes on me.
I fucked another woman.
This isn’t Sunny.
No, this is my worst fucking nightmare.
I ripped the condom off and zipped up my pants, leaving Shelby on the bed to figure out getting the restraints off. My chest felt cracked open and exposed as I stumbled out of her apartment.
Dirty. I feel fucking dirty.
The clothes I wore end up buried in flames inside my fireplace and I spend the rest of the night in my shower, washing myself over and over and over but never feeling clean.
I scrub my skin until it’s raw and bleeding, and it still doesn’t feel like enough. Ragged breaths do nothing to give me the oxygen my body is screaming for. All my mistakes wrap around my lungs and ribs, making each breath practically impossible.
How will I spend the rest of my life doing this? How will I give an heir when I feel this dirty after using a condom and keeping all my clothes on?
I continue scrubbing my skin, watching the water turn pink from the blood trickling from the angry red patches across my body.
I’m so sorry, Sunny.