Chapter Eighty
SUNNY
I think I’m having a panic attack. One I’m not sure I can climb out of. It doesn’t relent when Tyler’s hand is around my bicep. Or when he drags me outside and I’m hit with the cold night air.
How did Mitchell find this out about me? And why does he care so much about me and my past? It’s just another glimpse into the power this family holds. And I wonder how much access Tyler is willing to give himself to it.
He releases my arm but doesn’t look at me. A hand is pressed over his mouth while he paces back and forth in front of me in the long drive.
I don’t know what to say. My eyes just follow him. His brows crease as he contemplates what he’ll say next. His labored breathing tells me he’s somewhere between angry and panicked.
Taking a contract elsewhere solidifies my leaving. But the information about me being married and having a whole different name changes things. It gives him information he didn’t originally have.
I knew it’d make him become even more protective. More possessive. Because I’m legally bound to a man I’m running from. It connects Ryan and I in a way Tyler wasn’t aware of before. In a way Tyler and I aren’t. It means Ryan has rights that weren’t there before knowing this information.
“You are married, Sunny. Oh my god.” He runs a hand over his face. “How did I fucking miss that?”
This has been my secret I was hoping I’d take to the grave. But Mitchell found out and spilled it in a way to make me look awful. A girl who so willingly slept with his son while legally bound to another man.
A wife to another man.
But maybe I am awful for it. For sleeping with Tyler and being with him while simultaneously still being married to another man. Even if he is a man I’m desperately running from.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why won’t you let me help you? Why did you hide this when you knew I could help you get out of it? To be divorced from him. I know fucking judges, Sunny!”
His patience is slowly disintegrating. And who can blame him? It’s a rare thing to see him unravel, and I fear this isn’t the kind of power I chose to have over him.
I hate myself for being young, dumb and in love and thinking binding myself to Ryan was a smart decision.
I looked into divorcing him without knowing where he is. It’s possible, but a long process and very costly. So my only plan is to keep moving so that he can’t find me.
And so far, it’s working. I had a hiccup, but I’m leaving for Colorado in a few weeks. Just a few more weeks and I’d be in a new spot and have a new number again. A new license. Possibly a new name again after this.
“Okay and? Then what, Tyler? You’d be just like your father, abusing your power for selfish reasons. I will not be the person to make that happen. I will not be the reason you exploit yourself. This is my problem. No one else. I have a plan, and I’m sticking to it.”
“You wouldn’t be responsible for that, Sunny!
Jesus.” He shakes his head. “I’ve already done bad things, Sunny.
I’m not some knight in shining armor. I have done bad things.
Why do you act like me doing this would be the first?
And this would be for good reason. It’s for your safety.
Your freedom. For you. How do you not see that?
Sunny, we could end it all. You wouldn’t have to keep running.
We could end this all. Then we could…” he chokes out.
“And then we could what, Tyler? Live happily ever after? You don’t know Ryan. He said he’d find me, and he will if I stop running. It’s as simple and as complicated as that.”
“It’s simple for me, Sunny! It’s simple for me! You give me the word and I can make him go away. I can do it with my own fucking hands.”
“See and that is exactly why. This is my life Tyler. This is for me to handle. Not you. You’re right. You’re not a knight in shining armor so stop fucking acting like it!” I yell.
He places his hands on his hips. “Oh yeah? And how’s that plan working out for you, Sunny? He already got your number!”
I hate that he’s right. What I’m doing isn’t a permanent solution. But it’s my solution for now. It’s working for the most part. I just spent too long here.
“Sunny, I don't care that you’re married. I care that you didn’t tell me. It changes things. It changes things because we can use this. We can use this to help you.” He takes a step towards me.
I take a step back. “No. You made me a promise. You made me a promise and you better stick to it.”
I see his jaw harden and flex as he takes in my words.
He looks away and then back at me, shaking his head.
“This isn’t fair. This isn’t fair and you know it.
You’re so fucking confusing Sunny. Why won’t you just stay with me?
I stopped it all and pissed off a lot of fucking people for you.
” He points at me. “You won’t stay with me.
You won’t let me help you. You won’t give me anything on this man so I can find him.
Why is it so hard for you to stay with me?
Fuck, even if you don’t. Go live your life Sunny but do it in freedom.
Let me find him so that you are no longer shackled by fear.
Let me give you a life where you know you are free. Even if it isn’t with me.”
I don’t know, Tyler. I guess I have gotten so used to running.
I admire Tyler, being able to face his abuser daily while I constantly run from mine. And maybe that’s where we’re different. Where we can’t meet eye to eye.
He faces reality.
I run from it.
But maybe that’s just it too. He could take the revenge he so desperately sought out and channel it into a pursuit to Ryan to compensate for the fact he can’t to his father. He said that’s why it’s become easier for him to complete his hits, because he always imagines it as Mitchell.
Or maybe, maybe it’s simply because he’s a man in love, ready to tear the world apart for the girl he loves. The girl he bled for, and she for him.
“I couldn’t sit back and watch you give your life away to Shelby like that! Tyler, you act like you didn’t know what this would end up in. I told you. I warned you. You know I’m leaving. Why are you acting like you haven’t known? Why is it so hard to just enjoy the now?”
“Because I love you! I…I love you so much, Sunny. My heart belongs to you. Even if it means it will be broken into a million pieces, it was only ever yours to break anyways. But maybe that’s just the thing, maybe I will always love you more than you love me.
So you will never understand. Love is such an understatement, Sunny.
It is such an understatement for the way I feel about you.
I can’t watch you give your life away to Ryan like this.
It’s killing me,” he chokes. “Absolutely killing me knowing a fucking monster like that is still out there, walking around, hunting you down. And you won’t let me do anything about it.
Just because I knew you’re leaving doesn’t make it any less painful.
Nothing will make it any less painful. God, we just need more time…
I just, I don’t get how I fucking missed this.
” He pinches the bridge of his nose and walks away from me.
“What the hell does that mean, Tyler? More time? I’ve spent too long here already.”
“Every time you and I get close, just so close to where we’re supposed to be… whenever we get in a spot that’s comfortable and is us, you shut me out. Sunny, I just…I need to go find Cole. I need a minute. I have things I need to do here.” He walks away.
I don’t go after him.
Something tells me I’m not the only one keeping secrets between us.