5. Callum #2
“I’m not.” I push the unlocked, broken door open, stepping through it into her place.
Speaking of which…I’m one hundred percent sure she’s new to the town, so how come she was able to snatch a rental when I’ve been having such shit luck this whole time?
“What are you doing?” Sophie eyes me suspiciously as I take off my shoes and walk over to her couch.
“Spending the night. ”
“I’m sorry, what?” she shrieks.
“Relax.” I roll my eyes. “Not like that, but your door is broken and I won’t be able to get it fixed till the morning, so I’ll stay on your couch to make sure no one tries anything stupid.”
“I can take care of myself,” Sophie huffs with indignation.
“Trust me, I have no doubts about that. Just your crazy hair alone could scare any burglar away. Not to mention, you’d probably talk them to death.”
“Wow, and they say the romance is dead.” It’s her turn to roll those eyes, so brown and rich like melted chocolate, as she walks into the kitchen.
Some long-since-dead part of me wants to laugh at that statement.
I want to tell her about the days when I could spew romance out of my ass.
When I used to rip out my mother’s flower beds because I needed to impress a new girl in school or get out of trouble with another.
For some reason, this girl I don’t even fucking know is getting under my skin and I don’t like it.
There is a reason the Callum of those days is gone. He died alongside the two people he cared about, and I’d like to keep it that way.
“There’s no romance here, I’m just doing my job.”
“Fine, but just so you know, I don’t have any extra blankets or anything like that. I just moved in the other day.”
“I figured as much,” I grunt out, testing the couch that doesn’t seem all that bad. “Where from?”
“Still don’t see that drink in front of my face,” I hear her answer just as the refrigerator door slams shut.
Is she getting another beer? I look over the couch to see what she’s doing when I’m greeted with a view of Sophie stuffing her mouth with some salad. Potato, if I had to guess by the looks of it.
“What?” she asks through a mouthful when she catches my gaze on her. “You want some salad?” She wiggles the container, and I shake my head.
Trying really hard to suppress an eye twitch. Can’t she use a plate? Jesus…
“What I want is sleep. ”
“Sucks to be you then.”
“Why?”
“Because there’s no sleep for the wicked…” She smirks. “Or bodyguards.”
I have a feeling by the time I’ll be done with this woman, my eyes will be sore from rolling so much.
“Well, you look well-rested.” Fanny’s voice greets me as soon as I step into the station and my eyes find that neon ball of crazy—today we are rocking purple with orange stripes on the sides—right away, sitting at my desk with her feet up on it, sipping some concoction she got from my sister’s cafe.
I have no idea where on my face it says that I’m well-rested after last night but sure, we’ll go with that.
I wish I could say I only spent the night there so she wouldn’t complain about me leaving her with a broken door.
Really, I wish I could, but the fact is, danger can creep up on you when you least expect it.
It can swallow you while you’re out for a walk, or a swim, or simply sleeping alone in a house with no lock.
Yeah, Loverly Cave is probably the safest town on Earth, but like hell was I going to leave anything up for a chance.
Not again.
Not even with this annoying stranger in bright underwear.
My superior in the Navy used to tell me that I take my responsibility to the next level and while it was a great trait for a Seal, it’s not entirely healthy in a regular life. I know that. I’ve done the therapy bullshit and yet…I couldn’t shut my eyes for a second the whole night.
I’m a police officer. I was just doing my job.
“It’s six AM, what are you doing here?” I ask, gesturing for her to set her feet down.
“Waiting for you, obviously, we have some unresolved matters.” She swings her feet down with the agility of a thirty-year-old, not the many decades she’s already pushing, and pulls something out of her fanny pack on the floor before dumping a bag with three cake pops onto my desk.
“As promised,” Fanny adds. “Now, back to business.”
I ignore those, remembering the message I saw on Love Hive last night. “Yes, let’s talk about your interference with police rules as well as blatant disregard of law enforcement.”
“You have to be more specific.” She takes a bite out of her own cake pop. “I do that on regular basis.”
“Jesus, Fanny, I’m talking about your post on Love Hive yesterday where you stated that there will be no quiet hours in Loverly Cave.”
“And?” She looks at me like I’m the idiot here.
“ And you need to take that down.”
“Clover—"
“It’s Callum,” I correct her through gritted teeth. I haven’t let anyone use my middle name since I figured out how atrocious it is.
“Callum.” She sighs. “Even if I take it down, there will never be quiet hours around here. It’s almost like you are deliberately dangling a carrot in front of our noses.
You know we live to break rules here. Did you forget that over the years you were gone?
Stop fighting and simply go with a flow, it will make your life so much easier. ”
“That’s not how the law works.” I still haven’t released my clenched teeth.
“Oh, fine.” Fanny throws her hands up. “Have it your way and I hope you remember later on that I did offer you a peaceful way from early on. Now, onto the next subject,” she says before I can add anything else. “I’ve brought some pictures.” She bends down once again.
“What pictures?”
“Of suitable matches. See, aren’t we nice, giving you all the options before we start the process.”
“Dear Lord.” I rub a hand over my face. “Fanny, it is way too early for your shenanigans.”
She huffs. “There are no shenanigans! We’re talking about your future wife.”
“I’m not looking at any pictures and you’re not pulling any crap with my love life. ”
“I’ll leave these here for you to look through. We even wrote their top qualities and occupations on the backs.” She keeps on as if I didn’t just say, no.
“What are you? A local pimp?”
“If you don’t like these, we’ll go back to the drawing board. Don’t worry, Cake pop, we’ll find you the right match.” She pats my arm.
“It’s as if I’m talking to a wall.”
“Sheriff, we got a call,” Leo calls out, but the fact that he doesn’t go into description right away tells me it’s one of those calls.
“Already?” I frown. “What could they possibly get into this early in the morning?”
“Apparently, Suzie Walker and Matilda Loves both showed up wearing the same outfit this morning to the town workout. They found it funny and got talking and—”
“Oh, crap-on-a-cake!” Fanny shoots up from her chair, interrupting Leo.
“Fanny,” I say, slowly. “Do you know something I don’t?”
“Psh, that’s like everything, Cake pop, but in this case, Suzie has been sleeping with Doug.”
“Doug? Wait, Doug Loves?”
“Bingo!” Fanny picks up her bag in a haste and starts moving toward the door. “And apparently the old fool didn’t even bother to buy them different gifts.”
“Wait a minute! Where do you think you’re going?”
“To make sure Linda doesn’t show up in the same outfit too. You sit back, look through the pictures and relax, Mr. Sheriff. Fanny’s got this,” she says and disappears.
It takes me a second to process what she just said and then I look to Leo who is just as stunned. “Isn’t Mr. Loves like eighty-three?” he asks.
“I think so.”
“Damn, I want to be Doug Loves when I grow up,” Leo adds after a beat.
Fucking hell, we are about to have an all-out-war of hip replacements out there right now. Quickly, I scramble off my chair, grab my gun and three additional sets of handcuffs. I have a feeling I’ll need them shortly. “Call for backup!” I holler to him before running out.
To say I’m not surprised to see what I see when I get to the main square where our town holds workouts every morning, is not to say anything.
Honestly, I didn’t expect anything less.
There are five hundred or so people—ninety percent of who are very much seniors—forming a circle full of neon colors, with money, jewelry or flasks with God-knows-what-in-them, waving in the air as they shout everything from “Fight! Fight! Fight!” to “Suzie! Suzie! Suzie!” to “Matilda! Matilda! Matilda!” to “Make love not war!”
“A hundred on Matilda!” someone shouts.
“My collection of Beatles on Suzie! Matilda just had a hip replacement last fall.”
Jesus Christ! I throw myself into the circle of neon hell, trying to get to the front.
“Police! Make way! LCPD, step away!”
With a few bruises over my body, I finally make it to the front where I see my best friend and the chief of LCFD, Luke, holding onto Suzie Walker, while his younger brother, Alec, tries to keep Matilda away from them.
And he’s not a small guy, a professional surfer but he’s barely managing to hold onto her by her waist, her feet and arms stretching to get to Suzie. “You sleazy whore!” she yells. “You just needed someone to change your light bulbs, huh? And hang your pictures!”
“It’s not my fault, my Doug finds this more attractive,” Mrs. Walker snarks back over Luke’s shoulder, pointing to her own body and Matilda tries to tear away from Alec again.
“ Her Doug. Did you all hear that?”
“Ladies! There’s enough of me for everyone!” Doug Loves decides to say, and both women turn their death glares his way as a new wave of shouting begins.
Jacob Levine, Alec’s best friend and the local Viking who couldn’t hurt a fly, rushes to step in front of Doug just in case, while trying to placate the two women. Somewhere behind me, I hear, “Should we tell them about Linda?” I turn around quickly, pointing my finger at them.
“Don’t you dare, unless you want to spend the day in the cell with these three?”