Chapter 5 #2
“You’re going to be okay,” he told her.
“I know.” A hiccupping sound. “I don’t even know why I’m crying. I’m safe, I’m not hurt. There are others far worse off than me. What they suffered…”
Cam felt an uncomfortable burn in his gut. He knew that feeling all too fucking much. Knew what it was to survive when other good people died or were injured.
Kris had been his best friend, a brother in every way. They’d been in the Army together, made Delta Force together, and then Ghost Ops. He’d been a damn fine man with a killer sense of humor. And because Cam had fucked up, he’d died.
He didn’t have any words to comfort her, so he just pulled her closer.
They sat like that, the water falling over them for a long time.
Her sobs slowed and she pulled in a shaky breath. She toyed with the button on his shirt.
“Why do I feel so safe with you?”
Damn . He wanted to tell her that she shouldn’t. But right then, with Saskia in his arms, he couldn’t.
“You are safe, Saskia. I promise.” He cupped her jaw.
Her gaze met his, and he saw the hunger and the desire that she didn’t hide.
Shit .
“I’m going to leave you to finish your shower. I put some clean clothes on the edge of the tub and I’ll go make that tea.”
A flash of disappointment on her face, but she nodded. “Thanks, Cam.”
Even if he did let himself have her, he wouldn’t go there tonight. Not while she was hurting and vulnerable.
He snagged a towel and left. In his own bathroom, he stripped off his wet clothes. In his head, he saw her beautiful face, slim shoulders, mass of black hair.
Damn . His cock responded. He growled, and ignoring it, he dried off. He couldn’t have her. She wasn’t for him. He couldn’t ever forget that.
He dressed in jeans and a gray T-shirt.
In the kitchen, he put the kettle on and made some toast. She needed some sustenance.
There was movement and he looked up. She appeared with a small smile. Her hair was brushed out and loose.
His sweats were far too big, but she’d folded over the waistband, and his T-shirt was knotted on the side. She looked like a little girl playing dress-up.
“Better?” he asked.
She nodded.
He pulled out a chair at the round table. “The tea’s ready, and I made you some toast.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“When was the last time you ate?”
She bit her lip and tucked her legs up under her on the chair. “I couldn’t risk eating. I was afraid there’d be drugs in the food.”
He dropped the plate and mug on the table in front of her. “Eat,” he ordered.
“I didn’t think you were this bossy.” She sipped the tea he’d made.
“I can be very bossy.”
He sat beside her and watched her nibble on the toast.
She was alive. The relief spilling around inside him was intense.
She tucked some damp hair back behind her ear. “I need to call Sentinel Security, and my dance director, and then—”
He placed a hand over hers. “You need to rest. Vander’s already been in touch with Wolf. And you can call your director in the morning.”
“Killian?” she asked.
“Still out of range. Wolf will reach him.”
She finished half the toast. Her hands were cradling the mug when her eyelids started to droop.
He took the mug from her hands and set it on the table. “Bed.” The adrenaline that had kept her going through her ordeal had worn off. She needed sleep.
Saskia nodded, docile. He led her to the guest room. The bed was neatly made, and he’d left the bedside lamp on.
She fidgeted with the hem of his T-shirt. “This is nice.”
He touched her cheek, fighting the urge to pull her into his arms. “Remember, you’re safe here. I won’t let anyone disturb you.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
He kissed her forehead. “Get some sleep.”
He made himself leave. Cam headed back to the living room.
There was no way he’d sleep. He rarely got more than a few hours a night.
Besides, he would make damn sure no one disturbed a second of her rest. But mostly, he couldn’t risk waking from a nightmare, screaming.
It didn’t happen so often now, but he wouldn’t risk it.
He dropped onto the couch and channel surfed. He found a thriller movie and sank back on his buttery, leather couch, his gaze on the TV, his mind on the beautiful ballerina one room away.
He didn’t hear a sound, but he looked up from the screen, knowing she was there.
She’d ditched the sweatpants and was just wearing his T-shirt. Her long, slender legs were bare.
Damn . He went hard.
“I’m…I’m sorry. I can’t sleep. I don’t want to be alone.”
He couldn’t say no to her. He was so fucked.
He opened his arms, and she made a beeline straight for him. He pulled her onto his lap, then tipped them sideways onto the couch. At the same time, he grabbed the throw blanket his mom had bought him—pale green and super soft—off the back of the couch and pulled it over them.
Saskia settled her slim body against him, then pressed her face into his neck. She let out a little sigh, and he felt some of the tension leave her.
Cam kept an arm locked around her, and stared at the ceiling.
He had to find a way to keep her safe from him. He couldn’t give her what she needed. He lay there, holding her until she fell asleep.