Chapter 17 #2
The blizzard hits when we’re three-quarters of the way down the path.
One minute there’s nothing, the next the snow is spinning fast, and I’m trapped inside a kaleidoscopic swirl.
It lands like feathers on my head and arms, banks before me and quickly obscures my sight.
Within seconds I can no longer see the path, the forest, the river I’d prefer not to fall into, or even Jameson a few paces away.
He grabs for my hand and his voice is by my ear. ‘This way, Eils. Stay close.’
We go as fast as we dare in the whiteout.
We make it back to the safety of the trees, and it’s easier to see where we’re going in the shelter of the forest. We stop to catch our breath, and I realise only after the fear has ebbed how scared I was back there, for a few minutes.
The snow was blinding, debilitating. It would have been so easy to wander off course, to slip and fall into the river …
Even a stumble could be deadly out here, with no way to summon help and no way for help to get to us even if we could. Adrenaline rushes and we both start to laugh. ‘That was scary.’
‘We’re not out of the woods yet,’ Jameson says in a mock-horror voice. ‘Literally. Come on, I’m starting to think the library with a book and a beer might be a better way to spend the day.’
That’s exactly what I want too. Of course, I might be imagining it differently – in my vision, we’re cosied up together on one of the sprawling couches.
We take a different route through the woods – there isn’t a clear path from here and we want to take as direct a route as possible.
We head in the direction of Tarnmore as the crow flies.
Jameson seems to do this by instinct, with only brief glances at his compass.
I trust him, but it’s still a relief to see the reassuring bulk of the estate emerge.
Flakes continue to flurry as we reach the gate. Jameson holds back as we shove it closed against the snow behind us, and I think – hope – he might be trying to preserve our last few moments together before the others get in the way again.
I picture everyone hanging out in the spa, day drinking, trying to outdo each other with their showing off. The prospect holds no appeal for me.
Jameson draws me against him again. Face to face this time, our lips inches apart.
It’s hard to feel sexy wearing quite so many clothes, but there’s something deeply romantic about the darkening sky and all that snow as we stand in the majestic walled garden, holding tight to the moment and each other. Staring into one other’s eyes.
This feels like unfinished business, the weaving together of those abruptly snapped threads of our lives.
The lights of the pool complex shine out into the deepening afternoon gloom, a reminder that our alone time is limited. But still we linger. There’s a mad moment when I think Jameson is about to kiss me, and then …
He does.
His lips are soft and so warm, despite the chill of the air.
I close my eyes, lose myself in a second of bliss before he tears himself away.
‘Oh God … sorry, Eils, I … I didn’t mean …
I shouldn’t have …’ He doesn’t finish the sentence, just turns and starts striding towards the spa.
I follow, disorientated by the kiss, devastated by his reaction.
I want to tell him it’s fine, that I wanted him to kiss me. And I want him to do it again. At the door he pauses, holding it open. ‘Are you sure about this? The pool. You don’t swim. Bad memories.’
‘She didn’t drown in a pool.’ I don’t mean to sound as blunt as I do but the kiss has discombobulated me. ‘It’s fine,’ I add. ‘So long as I don’t go in the water.’
I hate this weakness. I wish I could be strong, adventurous again. But it was always Gen who made me fearless. My courage was never my own.
Jameson opens the door, and the heat of the pool complex rushes out.
I start shedding layers and by the time we step into the pool house I’m down to a base layer and leggings, running my hands through my tangled hair and trying not to draw comparisons between my raw-cheeked, windswept appearance and the bathing beauties in front of us.
Kimmy lounges like a cat at the narrow end of the kidney-shaped pool, wearing a black bikini and Becca looks stunning in a red one-piece.
I gaze down the pool. The water is pure blue and inviting, but it still makes me shudder.
Leo and Becca are mucking around, egging each other on to jump in.
I’m not sure it’s deep enough to make jumping safe.
They haven’t noticed us yet. Alex ambles along the poolside, a can in his hand.
He’s fully clothed while the others are in bathers.
He says something to Becca as he walks past her, but his words don’t reach me.
Becca puts her hands on her hips, tosses her hair and bites back at him.
Alex walks away, flipping her the finger.
Becca moves swiftly.
Somehow I know what she’s about to do before she does it. I see it unfolding, second by second. I try to run, but the tiles are sticky beneath my socks, and I’m not moving quickly enough. Becca reaches out, shoves Alex in the back and he stumbles, slipping sideways.
He topples …
Into the pool.
Alex who can’t swim, who nearly drowned going into the sea after Gen, even though Jameson and I – both strong swimmers – had gone in ahead of him.
His limbs spreadeagle as he sinks. He doesn’t claw at the water to save himself, he just drifts down, slow and serene.
Becca laughs.
She laughs.
I don’t think. Just jump.