Chapter 30
CHAPTER
THIRTY
ALEX
Driving away, I knew he was lying. He’d said he didn’t feel anything, but that was bullshit.
His problem was he felt too much. That’s why he needed to do what he did, to numb the pain.
He used his art to forget the world around him.
A world that was hostile and bleak. A world that left him out in the cold like a kid in the snow, peering through the windows of houses, wishing they’d let him in for just a moment of their warmth.
I’d been that warmth for him for far too long, and now it had to change.
It’s why he needed to go, to break the chain of destruction.
He’d started something, and I had to finish it.
I’d always supported him through the good times and the bad, but what he’d done to Emma was a step too far. She needed me more than he did. I had a pattern to break, too. Enough was enough.
And so what if I had a saviour complex? Just looking at Emma made me want to wrap her up in my arms and protect her.
I wanted to make her happy because she was crying out for that.
From the first moment I’d met her, I could tell she was a girl who put on a brave face.
The one that went unnoticed. But I noticed her.
And I wanted her. Okay, maybe my methods were a little unconventional, following her, tracking her down in the street, but my intentions were honest. Really, they were.
I drove back to the house, turned the engine off, and stared up at the house.
Desperation to be in her orbit overtook any rational thoughts I had.
It clawed at me like a need I couldn’t seem to fulfil.
I’d appeased the beast inside me for so long it was becoming increasingly difficult to sate him. But I had to. There was no other way.
I got out of the car and took the steps to the front door two at a time.
Once inside, I headed up the stairs and down the corridor towards the bedroom she’d chosen to sleep in.
My mother used to call it the lily room.
She’d furnished the whole thing in that style, clean and white with delicate lilies painted on the walls and the furniture.
It was one of the few rooms here that’d stayed relatively untouched since my parent’s passing.
And it was the bedroom directly opposite to my own.
Emma didn’t know that, and I stayed quiet about that fact.
I silently thanked my lucky stars, though, and felt blessed that she’d be so close, and yet, it wasn’t close enough.
As I came to stand outside the door to her bedroom, I touched the door handle, wondering what’d happen if I opened it. My heart thumped out of my chest at the thought of seeing her asleep. Of hearing her gentle sighs again, and maybe, she’d wake up and see me there, beckon me in and...
No. I had to stop thinking like that. She didn’t trust me yet, and I needed her to. To make this work she had to set the pace. I couldn’t let the beast out of his cage yet. She wasn’t ready.
I let my hand fall to my side and took a deep breath, gazing at the door like it might miraculously open, and in the dim light she’d be standing there, looking at me with her doe eyes, begging me to be with her.
Telling me she couldn’t sleep without knowing I was there.
Or maybe she’d float out into the hallway, cling to me and tell me how much she needed me. I’d lead her to my room and then...
Fuck.
I needed to get a grip of my fantasies before they threatened to cloud my judgment... and my sanity.
I leaned forward, pressing my forehead against the wooden door as I closed my eyes.
I took more deep breaths, like I was chasing her scent, trying to capture something, anything that’d sustain me until morning.
In my mind, I was freefalling into my favourite fantasy, where she was everywhere and I was her everything.
Eventually, I stood back, placed my hand on the door and whispered, “Goodnight, beautiful girl.” And then, reluctantly, I turned and headed to my own room.
All the time wondering, what she’d say if she knew I’d been obsessed with her, following her, for a lot longer than the night of that gallery opening.