Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
Ian focused on the kids.
He had to, because if he thought about JP for any length of time, he’d just end up heartbroken again.
JP would never love Ian as much as he loved hockey. It wasn’t fair to ask him for that.
Ian had a home and two children. That was going to have to be enough.
When the kids were napping, he hired therapists and acupuncturists and trainers. In the evenings he watched television with JP.
At night he read for hours and periodically cried.
It was an amazing life for the kids.
Mike had come today to take JP to one of his appointments. They’d been gone all day, and he hoped everything was okay.
“Daddy? Where Dad?”
He smiled at Tori. “He’s at the doctor. Do you want to play outside?”
“No. I want Dad.”
“He’s not home.”
She pouted and put her hands on her hips, something in the way she held her body saying she was working up to the mother of all tantrums. “I want him.”
“I’m sorry, lovely. He’s not home.” Ian wanted him too, but they were all destined for disappointment.
The front door opened noisily, Mike helping JP get over the threshold, and handing him his walker.
JP grunted and took it, clearly in some pain; he’d been managing without the walker the last few days.
“Dad! Dad, I missed you! I want to play.” Tori went barreling toward JP, and Ian grabbed for her. He missed, though, and she headed in hard. Mike grabbed her as she skirted the walker and picked her up.
“Hey, munchkin.”
She arched her back, her plan frustrated, and she screamed. “I WANT MY DAD!”
“Victoria Therese,” he gasped. “Let me have her. I’ll put her in her room.”
“I just need to sit, honey. Listen to your Daddy.” JP bit the words out, lines etched around his eyes and mouth.
“It was a hard testing session,” Mike murmured as he passed Tori over to him. “Like brutally.”
“I’ll put her in her room and keep them busy and quiet. Thank you, brother.”
She was still screaming and kicking all the way up to her room.
He put her down on her bed, and she glared up at him, crossing her arms over her chest.
He didn’t meet her energy. She was allowed to be mad. She wasn’t allowed to scream and carry on downstairs because she didn’t get her way.
She turned her back on him and started crying like her heart was broken. He knew now she’d stay in her room until she was ready to come and apologize.
“I love you. I’ll be in my bedroom.”
“Goddamn it. Ian!”
JP’s roar filled the air, and he went running down the stairs, met halfway up the stairs by his sobbing son.
“Daddy! Daddy, I sorry!”
He wrapped Petey up in his arms. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
“The man! The man yelled!”
“Shh. Shh. You’re okay. You’re fine. Come upstairs.” What the actual fuck? What had happened?
He carried Pete up to his bedroom, getting more and more pissed off by the second. He was pretty damned sure his sweet boy hadn’t done anything wrong.
“I so sorry. Daddy, please.”
“Shh…I have you. Let’s get sister, and we’ll watch a movie with Daddy in his room, okay?”
He’d text Michael in a minute, find out what the fuck happened.
Turned out he didn’t have to text Michael; his brother came up the stairs two at a time before he even got to Tori’s room.
“Is Pete okay? JP didn’t mean to yell at him.”
“He’s a little scared. I’m taking them to my room. Is JP all right?” He didn’t want to ask, but he so needed to ask.
“He’s hurting pretty fucking bad, and on top of that he got bad news.
Then Pete accidentally hit his leg as he climbed up to sit with JP, and JP just reacted out of pain.
” Michael turned his attention to Pete. “He didn’t mean to yell at you, buddy, and he feels really badly that he did. He knows you didn’t do it on purpose.”
Peter just burrowed into his neck, hiding.
“He’ll be okay. We’ll all be fine.” He sighed and shook his head. “What was the bad news?”
Mike winced. “Leg’s healing, but it’s not straight.
So he’s gonna have a limp. Now they could go back in, take out the pins and everything and reset, but there’s a forty percent chance he winds up worse than now, and a forty percent chance he’s the same, with only a twenty percent chance it would actually make a positive difference. ”
“Oh.” He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t suppose he had anything to say. “Did he decide what he wanted to do?”
“Honestly? I think he’s hurting too much from today’s testing and therapy to make any decisions – after that news he pushed way harder than he should have. I also think he wants to talk to you about it before he makes any decisions.”
“Oh, okay.” He didn’t know what to do. “Can you stay for a few hours? I need help.”
He couldn’t handle the kids and JP at the same time. He just couldn’t.
“Sure. Do I get to play with the kids, or do I have to sit with Mr. Grumpypants?” Mike asked, giving him a wink as he turned to go back downstairs.
“I’ll text when we can switch.” He cracked Tori’s door open. “How’s it going, sister?”
“I sorry. I want hugs.”
“Me too.” He opened the door all the way. “Come to my room? We’ll snuggle.”
She hurried over to him and frowned. “Why brudder crying?”
“It’s been a long day.” He wasn’t sure what to say. “Come on. We’ll snuggle.”
Peter was leaning against him, head on his shoulder and sucking his thumb. Tori looked at him for a long moment, then popped her thumb into her mouth as well, arm wrapping around his leg.
He got them in the bed, rocking them both, singing to them softly. God, what a mess.
What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to handle things?
Did he need to keep the kids away from JP?
Did he need to get JP a permanent nurse? Or a therapist?
His head throbbed.
He got a movie on, and the kids were soon asleep, curled up in his arms. Just in time, too, because Michael texted to ask if he was ready to come down and talk to JP.
Coming. Babies are sleeping
He slid out from under his little ones and padded downstairs, trying not to be freaked out at all.
Whatever it was, he focused on being calm and keeping his home safe.
“Hey, there. I’m sorry it was a hard day.”
JP blinked over at him. “I’m sorry I scared Petey. He just leaned wrong and it was surprising and painful.”
“He didn’t mean it. They’re both sleeping in my bed. Can I get you anything?” He felt like…a milquetoast. He felt a little like saying ‘don’t you yell at my son’ and a little like saying ‘I’m so sorry you hurt’.
“I know he didn’t mean it, and I feel like shit for making him cry.” JP sighed. “Michael gave me a pain pill – I overdid it at the physiotherapy.” JP snorted. “I was mad.”
“I’m sorry. He told me what the doctor said. That had to be awful.”
“Disappointing. I mean, they told me from the start I couldn’t expect to get full mobility back, but I guess I thought I could beat the odds. So this was… harsh.”
“Well, I—you have some options, right? You can make some decisions?”
JP shrugged. “I’m not making any decisions today.”
“Fair enough. No one should be thinking when they’re hurting.” He just didn’t know what he was supposed to do.
He was a terrible hockey spouse.
Spoiler, no one was surprised.
“That’s what Mike said.” JP held out his hand toward Ian.
Ian took JP’s hand, not sure at all what his husband wanted.
JP held on, eyes slowly closing.
He stared at Michael, who winced.
“I’m going to go check on the kids, okay?”
“Thanks.” He didn’t know what to do, but he knew when to just hold on and give comfort. “Do you want me to rub your neck?”
“Ooooh. Would you?”
“Of course.” He stepped around behind JP and started rubbing, working the heavy muscles and encouraging them to relax.
JP groaned for him. “Oh, Chou, that feels so good.”
“Good. I’m glad.” He kept rubbing, because that was better than worrying. He needed to figure something out for supper. He needed to figure out what to do with the kids to keep them out of JP’s hair when he was hurting.
“I will pay you to not stop.”
“You don’t have to pay me.” He kissed the top of JP’s head. “You gave me a family and a home. I can rub your neck.”
“It might become a full-time job.”
“Then it becomes a full-time job.” He wasn’t sure what they were going to do, but they’d do something. “You aren’t defined by hockey.”
No one could play forever.
“I have been for a long time.”
“I know.” But that didn’t matter. “You don’t have to think right now. You can rest. You’re home and safe.”
JP nodded, then winced and just said, “Yes. And thank you for that.”
“Of course. It’s your home. It’s where you belong.”
“I sure hope so. Petey’s going to forgive me for yelling, right?”
“He’ll pout. You frightened him. Tori will give you an earful about ‘brudder’. He’ll get over it.” In theory.
“Are you going to forgive me for yelling at him?”
“Yes, and I’ll keep them away from you so you can heal. That’s my fault. I thought he was upstairs still.”
JP shook his head. “I like having them around. I’ll just be more careful.”
“I know that it hurt.” He knew that JP wanted to be there for the kids. He knew JP wasn’t perfect.
Neither was he.
“I won’t push so hard again,” JP promised. “So it won’t be so bad.”
“I’m sorry.” He kept rubbing. “I wish…”
He wished that they had a chance of being enough.
“Wish what, Chou?” JP murmured, sounding half asleep.
He shook his head. “That you weren’t hurting so much.”
“Me, too, Chou. Me too.” JP reached up and patted one of his hands.
“Just relax. I’ll make potato soup for supper with buns. You’ll like it.”
He’d feed the kids something easy, maybe just let them sleep with him.
It would be good, not to have to sleep alone.