Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
By the time Ian’s head was better, the kids had decided on a slumber party in JP’s room. They had their sleeping bags and their stuffies, and everyone was settled — the kids on the floor between them.
“Thank you for letting them do this,” Ian murmured. “They’re so proud.”
“They’re great kids; why wouldn’t I let them do this?”
He shrugged. “I know you need your rest and peace.”
“I’m not sick like that, Chou. I just need to be careful of my leg. The kids make me happy.”
“They love you too, you know?” He guessed it had been inevitable.
“I like to think so. I hope so.” JP smiled at him from his hospital bed, those blue eyes staring right at him.
“They do.” He settled in the chair, putting his feet up. “Holler if you need anything.”
“That would wake up the kids,” JP noted dryly.
“Ha ha. Whisper then. Or text. Sign language. I’m easy.” And amused.
JP raised his hands and made gestures in the air. Gestures that looked an awful lot like they were sign language.
“Are you calling fouls on me, JP?” He couldn’t stop laughing.
“I’m signing to you!”
Jesus, JP still tickled the hell out of him.
“I taught myself how sometime last year.”
“Wow. That’s amazing. You’ll have to share with us.”
“Sure.” JP signed something as he said it. “That was ‘ok’. You want to know your name in sign?”
“I do.” His amazing husband. God, Ian still loved him.
“So unless you have a name like Rock or Forrest, you usually spell it out. So you would be… I… A… N.” JP moved his fingers in different combinations for each letter. “Tada.”
He held up his hand and copied the motions. “Like this?”
“Yeah, that’s it – you’ve got it.” JP grinned at him. “Yours is easy because it’s only three letters. Mine is just two, so it’s even easier.” JP signed two letters this time.
He signed “J. P.” “Like this?”
JP nodded, grinning at him. “You got it. The trick is remembering what all the signs mean.”
“That’s amazing. Why did you start learning ASL?”
“Honestly? I was bored and one of the assistants at the rink was deaf. I thought it would be nice if I could actually sign more than thank you.” JP put his fingertips to his chin and moved his hand out toward Ian as he said, “Thank you.”
“I only know one sign.” He put his index finger and pinky finger and thumb out, signing I love you.
“That’s an important one,” JP said, making the sign back at him.
“Yeah, it is.” He put his hand down, not sure whether he should smile or not.
“So if I need to sign at you, I can. Oh!” JP made a claw next to his mouth and moved it forward and slightly up. Then he grinned. “I hollered at you.”
“Nice! Good to know.” He rolled his eyes. “Butthead.”
JP just laughed and fuck, he looked so young, the lines from the pain and worry over the leg temporarily gone, replaced by laugh lines. He needed a haircut, the soft curls too long and hanging around his face.
Ian sort of liked it, if he was honest. The curls looked like they would feel good on his fingers. And all of a sudden he wanted to do that, to run his fingers through JP’s curls, push them off his face…
JP was still facing him, smiling, looking at him.
Just then he started to blush, and he didn’t know where to look. “Do…do you want to watch a movie?”
“Sure, something that would be okay if the kids woke up and saw part of?” JP suggested. “And if you can’t see the TV well from there, there’s room here next to me.”
His eyes went wide. “I—Is there? I mean, you don’t mind?”
“Of course I don’t mind, Chou. Come and sit with me.” JP shifted, giving him room next to the solid body.
He was shaking, but he moved, because…
God, he wanted it.
He sort of perched on the bed, fighting falling off until JP put an arm around his shoulders and hauled up against JP’s side. “That’s better now, eh, Chou?”
He nodded once, fighting the urge to sob. JP felt solid and right against him.
JP handed him the remote. “Find us something to watch that won’t scare the kids if they wake up to it.” That arm stayed right where it was.
“All right. You want to watch Big Bang Theory?” It always made him laugh.
“Oh yeah, that’d be great. Good idea, Chou.”
“I—Cool.” His body tried to relax. He wasn’t sure if he should, but he wanted to.
He wanted to melt.
He started the show, and JP rested his head against Ian’s.
Finally he gave in, sighed, and snuggled right in with his man.
JP made a pleased-sounding grunt, but didn’t say anything, just kept holding him.
He may have cried, but it was just overwhelmed emotion, nothing bad. Only…need.
JP patted his leg with his other hand, then left it there, warm and solid and so real.
JP smelled so good — warm and rich and male. His body remembered that smell, responding to JP’s closeness.
“I…I am probably going to have to get up, JP…” His cheeks were hot as hell.
“Hmm? What’s wrong, Chou?”
“It’s been a long time, love. A really long time.” And his body was betraying him.
“What’s been a long time?” JP sat up a little, looking at him with a frown of confusion.
“Since I was close to you. A man. Any man, but mostly you…” His cheeks were going to set on fire.
“Oh…” JP squeezed his thigh. “I still do it for you? Even… broken?”
He leaned up on one elbow. “What? I fell in love with you — your soul, your spirit, your heart.”
“You make me feel good with your words. You always did.”
“I know it’s not much, but…I mean—” Have you been with anyone else?
“Not much? Don’t sell yourself short, Chou. There isn’t anyone else like you in the whole world.” JP’s gaze held his.
“I’m the one who waited for you…” Like a fool.
“You waited for me. For real, for real? Like. I can be home for real now?” JP asked, expression more vulnerable than he could ever remember seeing it.
“Of course I did. We’re married.” He’d made promises.
“I know. I never forgot that. Not once.”
“Me either.” He swallowed hard. “Not once.” He searched JP’s eyes. “You mean it? No one?”
JP shook his head. “I said there wasn’t anyone like you in the world, and I meant it.”
“Oh.” He didn’t know what to do, what to say, so he stayed right there.
JP did the same, the two of them staring into each other’s eyes, the laugh track sounding in the background. He would swear that time stood still.
“I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I don’t want to hurt you either, Chou. I already hurt you too much.” JP touched his cheek, big fingers warm and oh so gentle.
“It’s not your fault I’m not your biggest love.”
JP sighed and pressed their foreheads together. “I do love you, Chou.”
“I love you too.” And he’d married JP knowing what the truth was. It was sad, but it was what it was. “Don’t worry. Things are going to be okay.”
“You promise?”
“I do.” He would help JP get back to hockey, back to the ice, and back to Florida, if that was what was necessary.
Even if it meant losing JP again soon.