22. Sawyer #2
I saw the look on her face when she asked about the bracelet. Then when she accused me of sleeping with someone else. I’d say her jealousy was ridiculous if I hadn’t felt it myself when I found her alone with Thorne.
As a twig snaps up ahead, I grip Luna’s arm and drag her behind a tree. Footsteps draw close, then pass, the sound fading.
We should stay quiet. There’ll be more up ahead.
“If I told you how I got my scars, you wouldn’t believe me,” I whisper. And it’s true. No one would ever believe the real story. No one outside the island.
When I peer around the tree, Luna takes my face and brings me back to her. Her hands are soft and cold. Gentle but with purpose.
“What are we doing out here, Sawyer?” she asks, her voice too loud.
I can tell by the look in her eyes what she truly wants. And it isn’t to know about my scars. It’s to get on the same team. It’s desperate. Hopeful. Urgent.
Help me.
Save me.
Please.
I open my mouth, but all that’s on my tongue is another lie.
I want to tell her we’re here looking for a potential way out.
For her. That we’re scouting together because I know this forest better, and I want her to have the best shot of escape once I’m gone.
I almost speak these words even when she’s begging for the truth that she could never handle. In the end, I know they’re too cruel.
In two days, Aurelius will summon her to the river where every member of The Shadow Sanctum will be required to watch her ceremony. Her rebirth.
They’re going to hold her head under water until her heart stops beating. Once she’s dead, they’ll try to revive her. If it works, she’s pure. If it doesn’t, well…
I don’t want that to happen. I don’t.
I want to prepare her. I want to save her. If her ceremony wasn’t my very best shot at getting to the money, then I would.
There are people counting on me. Many more people than Luna.
I sigh while tucking hair behind her ear. “Hiking. I just thought you could use the exercise…”
She breaks away before I have a chance to say any more, and I’m glad. That is the most pathetic lie I’ve told, but it isn’t the cruelest. I get her anger. I really do.
Her steps are too loud as she clomps through the forest, but when I whisper to keep it down, she doesn’t listen. She doesn’t even turn around.
“Hey…” I hurry to catch up, taking her arm as my eyes dance around the ground, really looking for traps this time. Luna walks right by one, and I have to jump behind her just to avoid it.
“Could you please be careful.” I get beside her while she strides.
“If my leg gets caught, say I ran again. I’m sure it won’t be an issue for you.”
“I wouldn’t just leave you out here.”
She barks out a laugh and shakes her head. She’s so much braver than I’ve seen. No more nice girl act. No more appealing to my humanity.
“You seriously think I’d do that?” I ask as if I’m offended. I’m not.
“I think you have plenty of practice trapping women. You bought a whole island just to trap them. So yes, I think—”
“It wasn’t like that.” We step over tripwire Luna doesn’t look down to see. She hardly slows. I’m beginning to think she’s more stupid than brave.
“Then what was it like?” She asks in the most sarcastic, disgusted tone. I can’t help it when my teeth grit. I can’t help it when my blood runs hot.
I stop, my hands flexing at my sides. Luna walks several more yards before she turns back with a scowl.
“The vast majority of women on my island were living lives you and I wouldn’t see in our nightmares. They were addicted to drugs, prostituting themselves, homeless… You’ve obviously grown up privileged so I don’t expect you to understand, but my island wasn’t a cage. It was salvation.”
“Ha!” She tips her head back, collecting the last of the sun on her porcelain face.
“Is that funny?”
“In a very unfunny way. Yes.”
I yank up both my sleeves. Jerk my arms out.
“You said you wanted to know how I got my scars. The residents who decided I was evil burned my manor to the ground and forgot about the thirty plus women who were trapped on the third floor.” I hold up one arm, gesturing to the full length of distorted skin. “I got these when I went to free them.”
Luna lifts her chin but says nothing.
“You think I didn’t care about them, but you’re wrong. You couldn’t be more wrong. I got greedy. I made mistakes. I did things to good people who didn’t deserve it, but I am not the man you’ve seen blasted on the news.”
Luna’s constricted eyes finally ease. When she comes toward me, her chin has lowered. “Would you call yourself a good person, Sawyer?”
It’s a trap. I know it even as I walk into it. “Yes.”
She stops in front of me, her eyes glossing with a plea that hasn’t yet left her mouth.
“You really believe that?”
“Yes, Luna.”
Get to the punchline.
I’m delusional.
I’m crazy.
I’m—
“I’m going to ask you a question. Answer for yourself, not for me.
“You cared about Annie, didn’t you?” she asks, but it isn’t the question. She’s merely asking for clarification.
I nod.
“And when she died, you grieved. You felt guilt. You still feel guilt because the people who killed her were trying to kill you.”
My throat seems to thicken, tonsils heavy. Again, I nod.
“You’re not sure if you loved her, but you think you might have. And you told her so.”
I don’t nod this time. Not because the answer isn’t yes, but because I’m growing tired of this. My chest pricks with tingles, and the urge to count the leaves on the trees ahead of me grows strong. My teeth don’t chatter, but they shift.
“Tell me, Sawyer... If you’re a good guy… If you loved that girl and cared about all those women… If you’re the guy who burns himself to save those in need… Then what would you have done if Annie, the woman you grieve, had asked you to let her go?”
Up ahead, leaves crunch. I look that way but don’t see anyone. Not with my eyes.
In my head, I see Annie. I don’t need to imagine some scenario where she wanted to go home. I don’t need to do a deep dive to role play the situation.
She did ask to leave. They all ask to leave, at one point or another.
She wanted me to meet her son. I told her it wasn’t safe to leave the island. She knew I didn’t mean it wasn’t safe for her.
But she loved me. She told me she loved me. She was happy. We were happy.
Luna takes both sides of my head and brings me to look at her. “This is how I know you’re never going to help me… You wouldn’t even free the woman you wear around your neck.”
I blink at her, my stomach twisting.
That was different.
This is different.
I didn’t do this. I didn’t choose her.
My island was not this place.
Luna doesn’t even flinch as a Keeper appears. I’m amazed when he doesn’t yell. He doesn’t run. He walks slowly, calmly, like he’s letting Luna finish.
“You may not be the man who lets women burn, but you aren’t a good guy either. You aren’t the guy who saves the girl. You’re the guy who enslaves the woman he could’ve loved if only he wasn’t so busy loving himself.” The Keeper stops in front of us, but my eyes stay on Luna.
She turns her head toward the Keeper with so much confidence, I watch in amazement. I can’t even be scared. I feel numb.
“We were just leaving,” she tells him without him having to ask.
With one last contemptuous look at me—her chin high, her lips pursed—she turns where we came from and starts that way. I follow.
Both of us are quiet on the way down. I try to force anger into my body, try to conjure insult, but all I can do is wish for this to be over.